My Secret Pen Pal
by SweetSouthernGal
Summary: Lily & James are assigned to be secret pen pals. While their secret personas are becoming close friends, in the real world they're developing a complicated friendship. What'll happen when they meet face to face under their real identities? Only time will tell. Written PreDH. Edited 9/2013 with publishing of additional epilogue.
1. Assignments and Introductions

**Disclaimer: **J.K. Rowling owns Harry Potter. I'm not J.K. Rowling. Therefore, I don't own Harry Potter or anything else in this story that can be found in this story. However, the plot for this story and the writing itself is purely mine- I'm just using the characters and world J.K. Rowling created. (Note: this will be my last disclaimer for this story...just remember: I will NEVER claim that I own what doesn't belong to me)

**Author's Note:** I used this plot line for an LJ story a while ago, as in over a year ago. But, I stopped coming onto the site while this story was still in progress. After a while, when it was clear I wouldn't be working on my unfinished stories anymore, I deleted them so that no one would read them and then get bummed out when they realized it wouldn't be finished. However, I lost all the stories I deleted- although I did find one chapter of this story. I really liked this story line, and I decided that I'd try and rewrite it. Hopefully, it will be better than it was before, because improvement is always great.

P.S. Originally, this first chapter had strikeouts. Then, I realized that the site wont let you strike out stuff anymore. So I had to go back through and take some of it out. After the lines that were originally striked out, I italicized the thoughts after each line that was crossed out . If you're still confused, let me know and I'll try to clear it up some more.

P.P.S. Edited/Lengthened as of 3/19/07, and edited again as of 5/20/07

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September 2013: I'm finally doing what I've been intending to do for a long time- going through this story and fixing things up. Mostly just fixing grammar and continuity issues, as well as any discovered formatting problems. There will also, however, be some minor tweaks here and there to more closely match canon released prior to my conception/publishing of this story. Of course, it's still going to be AU because I highly doubt the concept of this story is canon. I'm also going to be adding another epilogue, just for the fun of it. I've been wanting to get back into writing and publishing for a while, and hopefully this editing project will give me the push I need.

Canon vs AU: In this AU, Snape and Lily weren't bffs before school, because we didn't learn about that until the seventh book and I started this story before then and it just didn't fit very well with the story. So Lily didn't learn she was a witch until she got her letter, didn't know anyone when she went to school, and wasn't friends with Snape. Instead, she stood up for him in that memory because she didn't like the Marauders acting like bullies- which was my understanding of the situation until Book 7 was released.

The Snape incident is also a bit AU, and the fallout is like a bit AU as well.

And given that I highly doubt there was an experimental Cultural Studies course in their sixth year with an anonymous correspondence project assigned, I rather think the entirety of Lily and James' story here is AU as well.

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Hello Raven,

_No, that wasn't right._

Hello!

_Too eager._

Dear Raven,

_Too formal._

Raven,

Well, this is kind of odd isn't it? I mean, the not knowing each other, but yet knowing each other at the same time. We've surely met, yet we have no clue who the other is. Perhaps we're good friends. Or then again, perhaps we're not. It's interesting to think about. And I'm kind of excited at this prospect. The anonymity will give us a chance to really talk, or write rather. Even though, we will meet eventually. But, that's a long way away- and until then, we have plenty of time to get to know each other.

Anyways, I suppose I should tell you a little about myself- without telling you too much, that is. We're not supposed to give away our identities and all, yeah? And maybe it'll happen eventually accidentally, but surely I can manage to avoid revealing too much in the very first letter.

I'm a Muggle-born, and I have one older sister- who is not a witch. I've become sort of alienated within my family. My parents are still great; they're very supportive of my studies, and I know they're very proud of me. But since I've joined this different world, a world they can't truly see or be a part of, a gap has grown between us, only deepening throughout the years. I write letters, and so do they. They hug me when they meet me at King's Cross, and they're genuinely happy to see me. But the distance is evident in their hesitance to ask many questions, in the long silences when conversation falls short...it's hard to explain. Although, if you're Muggle-born like me then I don't suppose you need much of an explanation.

As for my sister..she seems to be afraid of me. We were very close when we were younger, but she barely speaks to me now. I think the power that magic gives me terrifies her, which I suppose I can understand. I never would, but if I were to use magic on her- she'd be defenseless. I find it ironic that that's one of the many things I love about magic, it gives me a sense of security. With proper studying and practice, I can protect myself (Reasonable Restriction for the Underage Use of Magic notwithstanding). And what with this maniac Voldemort wreaking havoc upon our world, any security is more than welcome.

Rereading my letter, I realized that I told you a lot (really, I got rather more personal than intended, sorry about that), yet I told you so little (at least in regards to who I am). It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be, but I've often found it's easier to find words when writing than when conversing.

Please, tell me a little about yourself. And by little, I mean a lot- without being too forthcoming of course. You know what I mean? Well, I'm starting to babble, so I suppose I'll end for now.

Awaiting your reply,

_No, too eager._

Faithfully yours,

_Ugh, definately not._

Sincerely,

_Too formal._

Until Next Time,

Emerald

Looking at the piece of parchment, she shook her head. Maybe she would rewrite it on another page, it was full of crossed out errors. With a sigh, she pulled a clean bit of parchment and began to rewrite it. As she did so, she thought back to earlier that morning in Cultural Studies. It was a new class Dumbledore had decided to start in response to the growing turmoil in the Wizarding world. The new class was sort of an experiment. They would be studying different cultural groups, those in the Muggle world and the Wizarding world. It was an optional class, but Lily had signed up for it in a heart beat.

-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-

**Earlier That Morning**

"Well," McGonagall said, putting down her attendance book, "Now, that I've passed out the syllabus and taken attendance- I'll go ahead and talk about your project."

The class groaned simultaneously.

"Yes, I know. But, this project won't be anything as boring as a long essay on some boring old topic. You will be corresponding with a anonymous pen pal for the entirety of this term. And before you groan-" she said, interrupting the students as they opened their mouths to groan and moan again, "it will not be that bad. I'm sure that after a while it might even be enjoyable." She paused, and some student's mouths were still hanging open, "However, if you prefer, you can write me a 20 foot essay on a Cultural Studies topic of my choosing."

They closed their mouths.

"That's what I thought…Now, I'm going to pass out some slips of parchment. I want you each to take one, and write down your real name and then a pen name. I will have to approve it- and I will not accept any names that are inappropriate or that reveal your identity. I've already chosen your partners, and once I get everyone's pen name, I will give each one of you the pen name of your pen pal. When you're finished, please read through the first chapter of your textbook silently while I gather the pen names and prepare your partner slips."

Silence fell as the students worked on coming up with their pen names, and Minerva reviewed her list of partners. Most were of different houses, as the point was to get to know someone whom they undoubtedly considered very different from themselves. Similarly, she had strived to pair together students of different backgrounds (Pureblood and Muggle-born, Englishman and Immigrant, for exampleS). However, she hadn't told the students that, because she feared that some then wouldn't bother to actually get to know each other. After the revealing of the partners at the end of the term, she hoped they would realize that they weren't as different or incompatible as they thought.

Each one of each pair was seemingly a stark contrast from the other, but known to be similar to the other in some way by either or both of Minerva herself and Dumbledore. There was only one pair that was of the same house. James Potter and Lily Evans. Neither realized they had so much in common. Oh, James realized Lily was special. Dumbledore and Minerva had both noticed he seemed to have a crush on the redhead and everyone had noticed that Lily couldn't stand James. Normally, she and Dumbledore would stay out of their student's affairs- unless someone was in physical harm of course, which Lily and James weren't.

But Dumbledore seemed sure that Lily and James were destined to do great things, together. Minerva wasn't sure exactly why, but she learned long ago to accept the wise old man's opinions with few questions. She did agree, however, that the two would work well together- once they got over their differences. They were both bright (even though James didn't always show it in his school work), and they both showed promise. Which was why Dumbledore was already certain he would make both Lily and James Heads next year. But, it would be total chaos unless the two started getting along better, which hopefully, this project would cause.

One by one the students started turning in their slips of paper. She began transcribing the pen names on a list by each student's real name. She rejected a few names, some of them as thoughtless as the student's initials to others as ridiculous as "Studmuffin" (really, sometimes she wondered what went on in Sirius Black's head). Finally, however, she had names from all of the students. She reviewed them as she rewrote them on slips of paper for each student, and smiled at some of them. Her favorite was probably Lily Evan's, Emerald. It was quite clever, most would describe her eyes as "emerald green" but if anyone read it they probably would think she just liked emeralds. She was sure that's what James would assume anyway. She liked his as well, Raven. Another potential double meaning. His hair was jet black, or even raven-colored as some might say, but anyone who reading it would assume he had a fondness for ravens or that he was an Edgar Allan Poe fan- perhaps he did.

On each slip she wrote the pen name of the person they would be writing to, and on one slip of each pair she wrote that they would write the first letter. Finally she finished, and began to pass them out to the students, careful to double check her list before she gave anyone anything. The students began to murmur as she went through the class room, but she was quick to silence them.

"Again, the identity of your pen pal must remain anonymous throughout the entirety of this project. Therefore, you may not tell anyone the pen name of your partner. It may seem harmless to tell your best friend, but then they might tell a friend, who'll tell a friend- and then before long, your pen pal will find out. And then the integrity of the project will be ruined." She paused, giving them a hard look to show them she was serious.

"Also, in order to be certain you are indeed writing to each other- and somewhat regularly at that, you'll be turning in the letters you have received every two weeks. You'll first turn in these letters next Friday. I will skim through each letter to make sure it's not utter gibberish, and to make sure you haven't revealed your identities. After I've read through them I'll return your letters to you so that you may do with them what you wish. Whether it be keeping them, or discarding them altogether." She paused,

"As of now, that's all I have to say on this subject. Are there any questions?" No hands went up- of course.

"Well, then. Everyone pull out some parchment and a quill. Our first topic of study will be Muggle mythology and lore of witchcraft…"

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	2. Responses and Late Night Happenings

**AN:** This chapter, isn't as long as many of my other chapters are. It's not even as half as long as some of them. The following couple of chapters aren't too long either, but they do have important information. Just keep reading, and you'll get the length you want. I swear.

P.S. Edited/Lengthened as of 3/19/07, and edited again as of 5/20/07.

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September 2013: Edited/tweaked. See AN in Chapter One for details.

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Dearest Emerald,

Personally, I think this assignment is kind of silly. I mean how, by Merlin's green pants, are we going to learn anything having to do with Cultural Studies by writing anonymous letters? However, despite popular belief, I care about my grades- and thus, I'll attempt to take this project seriously. So, I suppose I'll attempt to tell you a little about myself. I'm also in my sixth year, and I'm in the best Hogwarts House there is (I'll leave you to assume what you want about that, as revealing Houses is probably coming too close to revealing our identities). I come from a pureblood family, but I'm not prejudiced against Muggle-borns. Maybe that's "too revealing" but it's the truth, and since you've said you're Muggle-born it seemed important and relevant to mention. I had a younger sister, but we lost her about a year before I came to Hogwarts. She was very young, and I still miss her terribly, I think I always will. Even if you don't get along so well, you're still lucky your sister is reachable. I wish mine was.

I've grown up with magic, and my life would be incredibly different (not to mention dull) without it. The idea of living without magic fascinates me, yet it petrifies me. I can't imagine what it must have been like to suddenly discover this world and magical powers simultaneously. Of course, you probably can't imagine what it would be like growing up in this world. So, I suppose in the end, we're even.

I already get the feeling we're going to struggle with finding things to say, especially once the initial introductions are over with. And so, I propose a plan. Each letter, we'll ask the other a question. And after posing the question, we'll answer it for ourselves. I'm going to assume you're going to agree to the plan and go ahead and ask you a question. (I know, I know: I'm quite presumptuous) Then, in your reply to this letter, you can answer my question and ask one of your own. Sound good? **Why, yes, Raven, it does.** I knew you'd say so!

Q: What's your favorite type of magical sweet?

A: Mine is Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans. I know that's unusual, but I think eating them can be a lot of fun. Especially if you're with friends to laugh over the outrageous flavors. That said, I enjoy them best when I have a glass of pumpkin juice nearby to flush out the taste of any really weird or gross flavors.

Your Secret Pen Pal,

Raven

-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-

"Bloody hell James! Watch where you step!"

"Sorry, Sirius, but it's not like I can see your foot, we're under an Invisibility Cloak."

"That's the thing, we're under it- we're invisible to everyone else, but not each other!"

"Except it's dark under here, and I can't see your feet- or mine for that matter."

"Well-" but James cut him off,

"Shut up! I hear something…"

The two froze in the dark hallway. It was in the middle of the night, and all of the rule-abiding students had long ago retired to their beds. However, James and Sirius would not be called rule-abiding by any definition of the term. The two had awoken and found themselves hungry. Thus, they had donned James' Invisibility Cloak and were headed towards the kitchens for a midnight snack.

"It's Filch" the pair whispered in unison,

They shuffled as silently as possible towards the wall, flattening themselves against it- hoping that they wouldn't be caught. Filch continued his way down the hall, limping slightly and carrying a dim candle. The two breathed a sigh of relief as the man rounded the corner.

The pair made the rest of the way to the kitchens without any trouble. They had discovered the kitchens' location halfway through first year, and were frequent visitors. The house elves adored the Marauders, as did much of the student population. There were some exceptions of course, including (but not limited to) the entire Slytherin house and Lily Evans, a fellow Gryffindor.

Ah, Lily Evans, Sirius thought. The girl James was crazy about, and the girl who couldn't stand James. Although, "couldn't stand" was probably an understatement. But yet, it couldn't be honestly said that Lily hated James. Because while it appeared to most that she did hate them, Sirius doubted that she truly did. He'd once spoken on the matter in a rather serious manner with Lily's best friend Maddy, and Maddy confessed that though Lily by no means liked James Potter, she didn't believe that Lily hated him. Sirius considered recounting the conversation to James, but he knew that James had enough hope and dreams about the matter anyway and he didn't want to give his friend any false hope. So he never even mentioned the conversation, and allowed James to keep hoping. Mostly, James just hoped that she didn't hate him. Hoped that he had a chance with her. Hoped that if he bugged her enough, she'd give him a chance. Hoped that if she gave him a chance, she'd fall for him. James had a lot of hopes regarding Lily Evans, but his best friends felt they were ridiculous. They tended not to voice this though, James' delusions weren't hurting anyone- not even himself. And, he was happy with his foolish hopes, so why not let him remain happy?

Full and satisfied after their midnight snack, the two sneaked back through the empty corridors in silence. They uncloaked themselves once they were in front of the entrance to the Common Room. They awoke the Fat Lady with their sudden whispering of the password "Fairy dust", and they received a menacing glare as the portrait swung open. They heard her muttering something about rebellious students out past curfew as they made their way into the common room.

"What were you doing out of the dormitories past curfew?" A hardened voice said from across the common room. Lily.

"What are you doing awake and not in your dorm room past curfew?" Sirius retorted,

"I just got finished with some homework. And we all know it's acceptable to be in the common room past curfew. It is not, however, acceptable to be out of Gryffindor tower past curfew. Therefore, fifteen points from Gryffindor- each."

"Evans! That's insane!" Sirius cried,

"Get up to your dormitory before I double it." Sirius glared, but James shook his head at him.

"C'mon mate, let's just go to bed."

They headed towards the stairs, Sirius never breaking his glare as passed her. Sirius began trudging up the steps and James followed. Then he paused on the second step, and turned around.

"Hey Evans, go out with me?"

"Never." She replied, rolling her eyes.

"One day." He promised before he turned around and began to climb the stairs again.

"In your dreams!" She replied, her voice raised. He turned around, a mischievous grin on his face.

"Shh! Keep your voice down! People are sleeping!'

"Stupid Potter." She muttered,

"I heard that."

And then he was gone, disappearing around a corner at the top of the staircase.

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	3. Crazy Friends and Odd Looks

AN: Due to popular request, I attempted to make this chapter longer, and I think it is, or somewhat at least. I'll keep trying...Just wondering, would you rather have shorter updates more quickly, or longer updates less frequently? Anyways, let me know if I messed up anything, or it's confusing, or it doesnt work, or whatever. I'm not thrilled with this chapter, so let me know...

_Days Later..._ It should be noted, that this chapter is not what it was originally. The letter is the same, but what follows is not. I was so close to updating, I uploaded the chapter and everything. But, for some reason, it just bothered me- and I couldn't. So I waited and thought it over for a couple of days. And then, I realized that what I had written (that originally followed this letter) didn't have a place in the story yet. It would have been way too early for it. So, its going to find a place chapters and chapters from now. Anyways, I hope you like this chapter. Some of its ideas were spur of the moment, and weren't conceived until after my fingers typed them down. It happens a lot to me actually... I really do hope you like this chapter. I hope it's length satisifes you. I hope you don't hurl things at me for taking so long to update...

P.S. Edited as of 3/19/07, and again as of 5/20/07

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September 2013: Edited/tweaked. See AN in Chapter One for details.

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Raven,

I'll agree, this project does seem a tad silly. However, it could be worse. I mean, would you rather write a long research essay on what would surely be the dullest topic ever? I know I wouldn't. I enjoy school, but writing essays- not so much…I do them, and I try my hardest. I pretend like they don't bug the hell out of me…but they do. I pretend a lot actually…I pretend like I'm interested in boring classes (like History of Magic)…I pretend like I'm "normal" when I'm in the Muggle world…I pretend like certain people don't drive me crazy with anger. Although, I'm not so good at the last part; because there's this one person in particular, who I simply cannot pretend like I like. Do you know what I mean? How there are some people who just bug you so much that you can barely be in the same room as them? Let alone go through a conversation without making some comment you shouldn't?

I'm rambling again aren't I? I tend to do that a lot, I just get on one particular subject and I go on and on- until I get to the point where I'm repeating what I already said in almost the exact same words. Anyways, I guess I'll just answer your question and ask one of my own…Because, that is a good plan. (And yes, you're right, you were quite presumptuous on the matter, but I'll forgive you this once.)

YQ: What's your favorite type of magical sweet?

MA: Chocolate frogs. I can't help it, I love chocolate. I know that's all feminine and cliche, but it really does make you feel better… And a chocolate frog always satisfied me when my sweet tooth strikes. Plus, with chocolate frogs you get something in addition to the candy. Although, the problem with the collectible cards is that over time you can manage quite a collection and then you have evidence of exactly how many sweets you've eaten. Six years into my life in the magical world, I have a fair number of cards and a small concern over how much chocolate I've eaten. Although when you do the math, it's something like one card/frog per week...that's not too bad, is it?

MQ: Are you into music?

MA: I love love _love _music. I listen to it all the time, but I'm mostly into Muggle groups, just because that's what I know better. I listen to the Wizarding Wireless when my roommates play it, or when it's on in the Common Room, but I don't have my own. I might have to look into getting one because my Muggle radio won't work here, and I miss listening to music sometimes.

Wow, I just reread this letter…and I confessed a lot to some stranger I don't even really know. It's very unlike me. I mean, I don't think I've ever admitted something to someone else that I've barely admitted to myself, especially to someone I don't really know. But I suppose that just comes back to how much easier it is to write things down than speak them out loud.

Until next time.

Your Secret Pen Pal,

Emerald

-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-

It was only the third day of classes, and Lily was already counting down the days until Christmas Break. It wasn't that she didn't enjoy being at Hogwarts, she did- honestly. She loved spending time with her friends, and the magic, and the general unique atmosphere that the Hogwarts walls contained. She couldn't think of any place she'd rather be than Hogwarts.

However, this year wasn't off to the best start. For one thing, classes were definitely going to be harder this year. She already had a stack of homework so large it would crush anyone who it fell upon. But, honestly, that wasn't what was bothering Lily. No, what was bothering her was something entirely unrelated. She sighed at the thought. Ryan. He had broken her heart into tiny little shards. And she hadn't had time to pick them all up before she had to leave for Hogwarts.

She bit her lip as she stared at the ceiling above her bed, thinking about him and all that had happened between them. She had had boyfriends before, but things were different with him. And not just because he was a Muggle and had no clue that to her he was such, because she was a witch. She hadn't dared try to explain to him that she had lied when she said she attended a Catholic boarding school. She hadn't dared tell him that she was different, very different. He wouldn't have understood, and she had really liked him. She had hoped that they had a chance together. If only her hopes had come true.

Suddenly, an owl tapping at the window interrupted her thoughts. She sat up and made a face. With a sigh she got off the bed and walked over to the window. She opened the window and the owl flew past her face and perched on the top of her desk chair. She approached the owl gently, and took the letter from the bird's beak. She grabbed the owl a treat, and patted its head gently. It gave a hoot of happiness and flew off leaving through the still open window.

Lily walked over to her bed, and sat on the edge. She carefully opened the letter and began to read.

_Lily, _

_I know that at the very moment I'm writing this you're almost certainly laying on your bed, staring at the ceiling and moping about Ryan. I, however, am hanging out on the grounds with the Marauders. Come join us! I know you don't like James, but he's not that bad. And he doesn't try to piss you off. He's just really really good at it without trying!. And you do like Remus, Sirius, and Peter- right? So, please get your butt out here and enjoy the pretty afternoon. You've been moping long enough! And I'm being outnumbered by male-ness. Save me! Please? _

_Your Damsel Friend in Distress, _

_Maddy _

Lily laughed. This was so like Maddy. Exaggerating the situation. Begging for company. Pleading with Lily to screw what she was doing and have fun. While at times it could be frustrating, it was what Lily loved Maddy for. She had had various close friends throughout her life, and some of them had been good loyal friends. Most of them were Muggles, and she had lost touch with them when she started at Hogwarts. But Maddy, Maddy was the best friend that Lily had ever had. She was loyal, and funny, and easygoing, and she could be serious when necessary. But most of all, she made Lily let loose once in awhile and enjoy life; which admittedly, Lily sometimes forgot to do. Yes, Maddy was a great friend, even if she did drive Lily crazy sometimes.

Lily sat there for a moment, weighing her options. She knew she should really get out and do something, but she just wanted to sit and mope for a while...She looked out the window at the blue sky that was splattered here and there with fluffy white clouds. The sun shone brightly, and the temperature was perfect.

_Eh,_ _Screw this!_ Lily said to herself. And with barely another thought, Lily grabbed her wand and left to go find Maddy...

"Lily!" Maddy shrieked, jumping up from where had been sitting on Sirius' lap,

Maddy darted over to Lily, about eight or so meters away from the Marauders.

"I'm so glad you came. It was so weird being alone with them!" Maddy said in a whisper,

"Yeah," Lily said chuckling, "It looked like you were suffering alright."

Maddy tossed Lily a slight glare.

"Anyways," Lily said, "Why did you send me an owl? I mean, it's kind of odd, even for you. And how the hell did you get an owl? If you were going up to the Owlery, why didn't you just come to the Tower?"

"Remus' owl came to deliver him a message, and before it went to fly off I asked him if I could borrow it. And I sent you the owl because you needed to get your butt out of the dorm and be near people. You can't keep moping over your break up with Ryan."

Lily opened up her mouth to retort, but she was cut off by Sirius.

"Oy! Ladies! Come over here!" Sirius called, motioning them forward.

The pair laughed and exchanged a look that said they'd finish this later. Then they made their way over to the boys. Maddy returned to her seat on Sirius' lap, and after eying the group for a quick moment Lily sat on the ground next to Potter but several inches away.

"Hey Lily!" Potter cried joyfully with a huge grin on her face,

"Hi." Lily said, trying to sound kind.

His grin widened.

"Hi Lily," Remus said, and Peter nodded a greeting.

She smiled at the two.

"So, Lily, what have you been up to?" Potter asked,

_Thinking about my jackass ex,_ Lily thought angrily.

"Homework." She replied tersely.

Remus gave her an odd look, and Maddy shook her head- recognizing the lie for what it was.

"Say, Lily- I was attempting that Potions homework, and it was pretty hard. Do you think you could help me with it later?" Remus asked hopefully,

"Sure. How about tonight? Meet in the common room?"

"Sounds great. Thanks."

"James, what's that look on your face for?" Peter asked,

Lily turned her head, and looked at him inquisitively. Sure enough, he did have an odd look on his face. Lily couldn't quite place what it was. But Sirius and Remus could tell, and Maddy had a feeling she knew. James was jealous of his friend, and understandably so. He liked Lily, and she could barely stand speaking to him or even sitting next to him. However, she was friendly enough with one of his best friends to automatically agree to help said friend with homework. All he wanted was for her to give him a chance. But she didn't seem capable of it, and James found himself wondering if his hopes for a future with her were simply unattainable.

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	4. Meal Manners and Pen Pal Discussions

AN: Ugh, I'm really attempting to make my chapters longer I am. I tried so hard with this one. It was three bloody pages in Microsoft Word, and all I got was 1503 words. Darn it! Well, at least I'm updating- right? Anyways, more relating to the story: after writing this chapter I feel like I'm beginning to make Lily detest James a little bit too much. But, tell me what you think. I may try to rein it back a little bit. I don't want to overdo it.

**On another note...** I recently wrote an LJ oneshot called "Who Knew Mocking Could Change Everything?". I posted it on Valentine's Day, even though its not a Valentine's Day related one shot- and I've updated this story since- but I forgot to mention it. Please read and review it...

P.S. This chapter is edited as of 5/6/07, 5/13/07, and 5/20/07.

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September 2013: Edited/tweaked. See AN in Chapter One for details.

As I was reading, I was bothered by the name "Scott" as a codename for Sirius (which is what I originally used), and suddenly I realized that "Scotty" (as in a Scottish terrier) was both apropos and likely something James would give as a private joke for Sirius's Animagus form. At the thought, I simply couldn't resist.

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Dearest Emerald,

First off, did I ever compliment your pen name? I must admit, I like it. It's very mysterious; I can't help but wonder how you chose it. However, I know you're not allowed to tell me that. Perhaps you can tell me when we meet. I have a feeling there will be a lot of things we'll want to say then, don't you? I mean, there are only so many things we can discuss that won't reveal our identity. I can't believe we're supposed to write anonymously back and forth for an entire school year until we finally get to meet.

When your letter came, I also got a letter from my mother. She was checking to make sure I was "getting settled back in." I mean, this is my sixth year at Hogwarts; coming back wasn't really much of adjustment. But, she always worries. I hate it, but I also understand it. After my sister…after what happened, she pays extra attention to me. She's constantly afraid for me. My best friend, lets call him Scotty, says I should be glad she cares. And it's not that I'm not glad, it's just that, well, it's a pain. All that worrying, the extra effort I have to spend tiptoeing around her- it's exhausting. And I love her, so I do it. But, well, that doesn't mean I like it. Honestly, I kind of prefer my Dad these days simply because he's so rarely around…it's so much easier.

I keep trying to think of things I can discuss that won't give my identity away. It's really hard, isn't it? I'm very tempted to ask McGonagall what's taboo and what isn't. Maybe things I think she won't want me to ask or tell would actually be acceptable to ask or tell. (Don't worry it's nothing too private). I think I might…

Anyways, I'm hungry and it's about time I be heading to the Great Hall for dinner. So, I think I'll play the question game, send this off, and go to dinner. Maybe I'll even see you there; true, I won't know it's you, at least not the Emerald you, but- that's not really the point, is it?

YQ: Are you into music?

MA: Yes. I'm not fanatical or anything, but I enjoy listening to music. I listen to the radio a lot, normally to Wizarding stations, but occasionally when I'm at home during holiday I'll tune into a Muggle station.

MQ: Who do you think is the sexiest boy in 6th year?

Don't worry, I'm just kidding!

MRQ: What's your favorite book?

MA: I know it's a Muggle book, but I really enjoyed reading John Steinbeck's book Of Mice and Men. I enjoyed his other writings too, but that novel especially. I'll admit, I almost cried at the scene with George and Lennie. Almost being the key word of course.

Your Most Secret Pen Pal,

Raven

-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-

"Bloody hell, James, leave some potatoes for the rest of us," Sirius said with an open mouth that happened to be filled with a portion of his half chewed dinner.

"Sirius, don't talk with food in your mouth! It's disgusting!" Remus cried indignantly.

"Yeah, Padfoot," James said, also speaking with his mouth full of food.

"You too, James." Remus said pointedly.

James smiled cheekily, mouth closed but cheeks puffed slightly with food.

"Why do I even bother?" Remus muttered to himself,

"Heaven only knows!" Sirius said cheerily, shoveling more food into his mouth,

"Ugh. That's just gross." A passing voice filled with disdain said,

"No kidding." Remus replied.

The girl to whom the voice belonged turned around and smiled at Remus kindly.

"You know Remus, if you ever want to eat with people who have manners- you're more than welcome to eat with Maddy, Celia, Bridget and me."

"Thanks Lily," Remus said with a smile, "I may take you up on that at some point," he finished, eyeing the three slobs.

"Manners?" Sirius asked, "James, what are manners?"

"I'm not sure, Sirius. Peter, you ever heard of such a thing?"

"Nope," Peter replied, his mouth also full of his unfinished dinner,

"Unbelievable." Lily muttered disgustedly, shaking her head.

"Aw, Lily dearest. Don't pretend. We all know you're attracted to me." James said in what he perceived to be a flirtatious voice.

"Sorry, Potter. I only date guys who aren't repulsive," James frowned. "Later Remus," she paused, "boys."

Then, she continued walking along the length of the table until she reached an empty seat, which she promptly plopped down into. She began chatting animatedly with those around her right away. James didn't know how she did it. She could always talk with anyone; there was never an awkward silence when Lily was around. She spoke hospitably to all she came in contact with, well unless they were named James Potter.

-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-

"So," Lily asked as she spooned food from a covered bowl onto her plate. "What are your pen pals like?"

"Mine is so amazing." The blonde next to Lily said, a rather dreamy look appearing on her face. "He's so smart and sweet!"

Lily tried not to laugh. The look on her face was priceless.

"That's great Celia," she said kindly, "I'm glad you have a pen pal you can talk to." She paused, "What about your pen pal Bridget?"

"Oh, you know," The tall shy brunette began, "Kind of quiet, he hasn't had a lot to say. But, it is kind of early yet."

Lily nodded.

"I'm sure he'll start talking more once he gets to know you better." Lily said optimistically.

Bridget smiled.

"I hope so."

"What about your pen pal Lily?" Celia asked as she reached for a roll and began to butter it.

"Oh, he seems pretty cool so far. Outgoing, funny, and sweet too."

"Sounds like you got lucky," Celia replied raising an eyebrow.

Lily laughed,

"Well, we haven't been writing long- you never know. He could turn out to be an ass."

The two girls nodded in agreement.

"But hopefully he won't be," Bridget said with a helpful smile,

"Hopefully." Lily replied with a laugh.

Suddenly, a body plopped down in the seat next to Lily. Lily jerked, startled at the sudden movement. The girl laughed and Lily realized it was only Maddy. Lily gave a small chuckle as well.

"Don't scare me like that!" Lily cried, pretending to be annoyed.

"Sorry." Maddy said, reaching for food.

Maddy noticed the blonde and brunette Lily had been conversing with and nodded at them.

"Hi Celia, Bridget."

"Hi Maddy," they tittered.

Celia and Bridget had never been fond of Maddy; and the feeling seemed to be mutual. Lily wasn't sure why- and she had never pressed the issue. Celia and Bridget weren't actually in the Gryffindor house, so it wasn't hard for Lily to hang out with them separately. Because, she really did like the two. She just couldn't figure out why the two reserved girls didn't like her best friend.

Maddy had muttered on more than one occasion about the two's seeming refusal to sit at their own House's table, that of Ravenclaw's, but Lily always rolled her eyes. While Celia and Bridget truly belonged in Ravenclaw, their personalities seemed to clash with that of the other Ravenclaw members. Lily was glad they had each other; otherwise Lily didn't know how they would survive.

"Say, Lily." Maddy said, hoping to avoid any possibility of having to converse directly with the pair, "Did you do your Arithmancy essay yet?"

"No," Lily said with a sigh at the thought, "Not yet."

Maddy frowned,

"Well, can you help me with mine once you've finished yours? I'm really struggling with it."

"Of course," Lily replied, "Just remind me."

"Will do."

A short silence fell upon the pair as they continued to eat their dinner. Then, suddenly a snippet of the conversation going on between Celia and Bridget caught Lily's attention.

"Who are you trying to kid?" Celia cried in disbelief, "James Potter is definitely sexier than Sirius Black."

Lily coughed, almost spraying the Pumpkin Juice she had just swallowed all over the table. Her friends laughed at her reaction.

"Come on, Lily." Maddy said, "I get that you don't like him. But are you really going to say that James isn't sexy?"

"Hell yes I am." Lily said firmly, still attempting to recover from nearly choking.

"Whatever." Celia said, and Bridget gave her a knowing look.

Lily rolled her eyes, why did people always think she liked James bloody Potter?

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**Please Review!**


	5. Revealed Secrets and Worrying Friends

AN: Hello again! Another chapter, and it's longer this time! Aren't you proud? I know I am! Anyways...I hope you like this chapter. It's not so much about Lily and James as it is Lily and Remus. Honestly, I've been having some trouble getting plot for the part of the story that isn't in the letters. I really need to get some conflict going, don't I? If you have any ideas, let me know!

Another thing, I've written another one shot. It's my first Harry Potter story that isn't about Lily and James. It's about James and Sirius- but it's not Slash. Please read it, I haven't gotten a lot of feedback for it...

P.S. Edited as of 5/06/07, and then again as of 5/13/07.

* * *

September 2013: Edited/tweaked. See AN in Chapter One for details.

* * *

Raven,

Thanks for the compliment about my pen name. I'll have to explain it some day- and I promise, when I do, it'll make perfect sense. It bites doesn't it, having to keep all these secrets? How are we supposed to get to know each other if we're so limited in what we're allowed to write about?

You are lucky your mother cares, and at least she understands the danger. My parents don't understand what turmoil our world is in. I haven't even tried to explain it in the first place. I don't think they'd fully be able to understand, and if they could, then they'd get really worried. Well, my mother would at least. My father, he's sort of…distant. I suppose that's the best way to put it. He's not a bad guy, and I know he loves me. He's just never around. He's so busy with work. But, that's how it is when you're a hotshot doctor. What do your parents do? I've told you that my father's a doctor, and my mother is a stay at home parent. Although, with my older sister (let's call her Penny) at University and me at Hogwarts- she's not so much of a stay at home parent as she is a stay at home wife. But I think she's looking into getting a job. I can't say I blame her, I think I'd go crazy spending so much time at home all alone.

You know what I was thinking earlier? I have this theory, and well… Actually, let me confess: I have a lot of theories. But my latest theory is that Dumbledore secretly loves pranks. I mean, have you ever seen his face when someone pulls an outrageous stunt? Particularly the ones pulled by the four biggest troublemakers in our school, the Marauders, not that I really needed to name them. I'm sure you already knew who I meant. I mean, everyone knows the Marauders. And what troublemakers they are. Anyways, that's beside the point. The point is, his eyes always start twinkling like they do when he finds a joke amusing, and I swear his mouth turns up into the smallest smile. But, maybe it's just me...

Well, I've run out of topics for now. And it's getting late. So, I think I'll go through our question routine and sign off.

YQ: What's your favorite book?

MA: Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen. It's simply marvelous. Honestly though, I like just about all the classics.

MQ: What's the worst flavor of Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans you've ever had?

MA: Vomit, most definitely. I thought it was a cherry! (Ugh, the memory alone makes me shudder. I refuse to eat those things to this day.)

Your Secret Pen Pal,

Emerald

-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-

"So, Remus," Lily began, "how was your day?"

"Fine," he replied, "and yours, milady?" He asked, opening the door for her.

Lily giggled, stepping through the doorway.

"Fine."

"Good," he replied with a smile, stepping through himself and closing the door behind him.

"You know Remus, I'm awfully glad you're Prefect with me. I have a lot of fun patrolling with you."

"Me too," He said, turning his head to her with a smile on his face.

They were on one of their regular nightly patrols, which each Prefect pair was scheduled to conduct together twice a week. It was a quiet night for a change, and the only action that night was the chatter between Lily and Remus. They continued walking down the hall until Lily paused at a large window. She gazed out at the Hogwarts' grounds that lay below, only visible due to the light shed by the waxing moon.

"It's almost a full moon." Lily said, surveying the scene,

"Yep," Remus replied, trying to sound casual,

"Two more days, I'd say."

"Sounds about right." He replied, although he knew her estimate was actually exact- but he didn't want her to wonder how he knew that. She was silent for a moment, but then…

"Remus, I know." Her eyes never looked away from the window.

"Know what?" His voice sounded a tad higher than usual, darn his nerves!

She broke her gaze, and looked him straight in the eye.

"I know."

"Ah." He said, his stomach swarming and his heart pounding faster, "Figures. You are the brightest witch in our year." He tried to sound calm and even teasing; however, he was anything but.

She laughed.

"I'm not sure I'd say that."

"How do you know?" He paused, "How'd you figure it out?"

"Well, for starters, I knew your mother couldn't get sick that much unless she was always sick. And if she was, why would you always go home? I mean, true, you give other excuses from time to time...but unless there's a curse on your family- there's no way so many of your relatives can die so frequently."

He nodded, she had a point. But it was hard to come up with original excuses every month, so he was bound to get repetitive.

"And, anyone who pays attention would notice that 'your mother' gets sick around the full moon. Not to mention, that you generally come back looking tired and weak, almost always with multiple noticeable scratches."

"You are observant, aren't you?"

"I suppose so." She was looking out the window again.

"How long have you known?"

"Since the first full moon of third year."

"Wow, it took James, Sirius, and Peter longer than that. They didn't figure it out until the Winter Holidays that year."

She smiled.

"Well, they're not the most observant, are they?"

"No, they're really not." He agreed, and paused before he continued. "I can't believe you've known for so long and never said anything."

"Why should I have said something?"

"Well, most people would be hurt I never said anything. James, Sirius, and Peter certainly were. James especially."

"Well, I understand. You want to be treated like a normal person."

"Yeah. It's just…most people, after finding out, wouldn't be able to treat me normally."

"James, Sirius, and Peter do." She pointed out.

"Yeah, but they're closer to me than you are. Don't get me wrong, we're friends- but we've never been that close…"

"True. But, I know what it's like to have those around you treat you with disdain because you're different. And, plus, you're a good guy Remus. You deserve a chance to be normal."

Remus cracked a small smile.

"So, would you have told people if you didn't think I was a good guy?"

She laughed,

"I suppose it would depend on who you were."

"Let's say I was James." He wondered what she would say. If she said she wouldn't tell, then perhaps James had a chance with her after all.

"Well, I'm not sure." She said slowly, returning her gaze to him.

"You must have some idea." There was a thoughtful look on her face,

"Probably not. But if he really pissed me off, it might accidentally slip out."

"Well, then I guess it's a good thing I'm not James. Or else my secret would have been revealed a long time ago."

She laughed.

"Probably."

"Lily, if you don't mind me asking- why do you hate him so much?"

That look that she had had earlier was returning. That look she had when she first confessed that she knew his secret. The look that seemed sad, but was more of the look of one in deep serious thought.

"It's complicated," she said finally.

"Try to make it simpler."

"I can't... I've tried, believe me."

"He hates that you hate him you know."

"I know."

"He wishes you'd give him a chance."

"I know."

"Why can't you?"

"It's complicated." Frustration was evident as she said this, and he realized he should drop it if he wished to keep her friendship. Which he did. And not just because she knew his secret, he knew that would be safe with her. Even if he did piss her off.

"Maybe we should get going," he said after a moment or so of silence, "After all, we're supposed to be patrolling,"

She nodded and they resumed walking down the dimly lit corridors of Hogwarts. Now, however, all was silent with the exception of their footsteps. And the air remained tense until they parted in the Gryffindor common room, each headed toward their own dormitory.

"Night."

"Night."

Remus climbed up the staircase, and walked down the hall until he reached a door that had once been labeled "Sixth Years". However, on the day of their arrival the Marauders had covered it up with a sign that read "The Marauders' Domain". Remus shook his head slightly, smiling at how goofy his friends were- and how goofy he could be when he was with them. He opened the door and entered the room, his eyes widening at the sight before him.

The room was messy, but it was always messy- so this wasn't shocking. True, it was more disheveled than it had been before Remus had left for patrols- but that was to be expected. The thing that really shocked him was that the boys were working on their out of class assignments; some of which were assignments that Remus knew weren't due for several days. His fellow Marauders never worked on out of class assignments early unless he, Remus, practically tied them to a chair to do so. And even then, they rarely actually got anything done. They usually just did their assignments at breakfast or in the class prior to the one it was due for.

"What…what happened?" Remus asked, blinking a few times,

The three boys looked up.

"MOONY!" Sirius cried, jumping up off his bed where he had been sprawled out sprawled by class books,

"Thank Merlin!" Peter cried, "You're back!"

"Am I going crazy, or are you actually working on schoolwork?"

"Well," Sirius said, "You're going crazy, but yes- we are working on schoolwork."

"Or we were," Peter said,

"But…since when do you do schoolwork voluntarily?" Remus said, his face still showing confusion as he made his way to his bed.

"Since Evans said Prongs never put any effort into his assignments," Sirius said.

"Ah." Remus said. Now it all made sense.

"He's trying to prove her wrong. Said he was going to turn over a new leaf," Sirius continued.

"Wonder how long that'll last." Remus muttered,

"Hey!" James cried indignantly, looking up from his essay.

Remus laughed.

"But, Padfoot, why are you and Wormtail working on your assignments?"

"Because with you and James doing other stuff, we couldn't think of anything else to do," he paused, "besides, Wormtail's no fun."

"H-hey!" Peter cried indignantly,

"Done!" James cried, and the three other boys all turned their heads to look at him.

"You finished already?" Sirius cried incredulously from his bed which he was once again sprawled out upon.

"Everything except Potions." James said with a satisfied smirk on his face.

"Evans is right," Sirius said, "you are a prat."

James glared.

"So," he said- turning his head to his werewolf friend, "How did patrols go?"

"You want information on Lily." Remus stated.

"No…can't a friend just be interested in his friend's life?"

"Not you." Remus said, "At least not when it comes to do with anything relating to Lily."

Sirius laughed, and James glared at the pair.

"He has a point mate." Sirius said, James rolled his eyes- but deep down he knew his friends were right.

"But," Remus said, "Since you brought it up," James perked up, "Lily knows."

"Knows what?" Peter asked,

James and Sirius had puzzled expressions as well.

"About me…and my secret…"

Their eyes widened.

"Since when?"

"How?"

"What'd she say?"

"She's known since third year…she said she read the clues…and she didn't say much aside from the fact that she knows."

It was much better to not let James know they talked about him...otherwise James would never leave him alone.

"Is she going to tell anyone?" Sirius asked,

"No, she'll keep it to herself. She has been for the past three years, and she has no reason not to now."

"Why she'd bring it up now?" Peter wondered. Remus shrugged.

"Does she know about me, Sirius, and Peter?" James asked, referring to the fact that three were Animagi.

Remus paused,

"I'm not sure actually…"

"Do you think she'd tell if she knew?" Sirius asked,

"I don't know…"

The three boys were stumped, and they spent a long while silent, trying to figure out the mystery that was Lily Evans. Did she know of their monthly adventures? And if she did, would she tell on them?

* * *

**Please Review :)**


	6. Supposed Helping and Threats

AN: So this is not my longest chapter, but it's longish...And I really wanted to go ahead and get this up. I've gotten some feedback from some readers and I wanted to let you know what was coming (while being open to more feedback) before I actually go through with it. I received a great idea from .princess, but I can't share that with you because I don't want to spoil anything. But, per the future stuff, **I'm going to try to speed the story along**, and my plan for doing this is having some chapters that are just letters, you'll be able to tell through them how much time has passed. It just occured to me that I ought to date my letters, and I'm going to back and do that I think. But, this letter isn't dated because I literally just got this idea, and I want to date the other letters before I date this one. Anyways, there will be one (or maybe two) chapter(s) before a jump with letters, and then a few chapters, and then another jump, and then will see where we goes. I'm not really sure where I want to go after the second jump...but- I'll see.

Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter, especially my repeat reviewers! While I love everyone who reviews, I lmust confess I love those who review at least fairly consistently a tad more- sorry!

P.S. Edited as of 5/06/07, and edited again on 5/20/07.

* * *

September 2013: Edited/tweaked. See AN in Chapter One for details.

* * *

Dear Emerald,

Your letter and recent events in my life have gotten me thinking about secrets. We spend so much time trying to hide our secrets; we lock them away and attempt to throw away the key. But, we never lose the fear that someone will find that key, and reveal everything to everyone. And, I think someone found my secret key... What if they reveal it to everyone? I'd like to think they're a good person. They've always seemed to be in the past. But, we're not on the best of terms, and who's to say they wouldn't tell someone?

I suppose this is why they tell you to not keep secrets…Do you have any secrets? And I mean something more substantial, not the fact that you ate the last cookie from the cookie jar or whatever. You don't seem like that type of person (a secret keeping person that is, not a last cookie stealing person-not that you seem like that person, or... yeah...), but we haven't been writing for long- well, at least not long enough for me to really know you. Besides, it's always the seemingly quiet types (which I see you as), that have the biggest secrets. Or at least, that's what I've heard…

In reply to your question my father is an Auror, as was my mother once upon a time. She's not anymore. She quit after the incident with my sister. She couldn't handle the pressure. It's odd, I never mention my sister or what happened to my friends (although my closest ones do know) or anyone for that matter, but it's come up more than once with you. I suppose this relationship is really different from what we have with everyone else.

The Marauders…you have to love them, no? Eh, maybe not- but that's not the point. They're certainly an interesting bunch…Personally, I'm quite fond of them, but somehow I have the feeling you don't feel the same. I'm not sure that I would call them troublemakers per say, they just like to have fun. So, they wreak a little havoc in the process, it's all harmless and meant in good fun. And my guess is that Dumbledore feels the same way. Because, I don't think your theory is so crazy, I think it makes sense. He never gets upset and I swear I've seen smiles spread across his face, and even seen him chuckle once or twice.

YQ: What's the worst flavor of Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans you've ever had?

MA: First off, vomit? That's disgusting! I'd heard rumors that such a flavor existed, but I have yet to meet a person that's actually had one. Well, until now that is. I think this information might put me off them though…I mean, seriously…Anyways, the worst flavor I've ever had was earwax. It was quite disgusting to be sure- but it was nowhere near as awful as vomit. Ugh…

MQ: What's your favorite Muggle sport?

MA: Football. I love kicking that ball around, it's quite fun. It kind of reminds me of Quidditch, even though they're not that similar. Me and my friends get kind of rough when we play though, and Scotty's kicked me in the shin several times. Course, I always kick him back; although it's always an "accident," just like it is when he kicks me.

Your Secret Pen Pal,

Raven

-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-

"Evans!"

"Evans!"

"EVANS! HOLD UP!"

Lily stopped and spun around. She tried to hold back a groan as she recognized the form approaching her- the same person who was calling her. Sirius Black, just great. It wasn't that she didn't like Sirius, she liked him fine. It was just that wherever you saw Black, Potter was close by; and vice versa. He had been jogging behind her, trying to catch up, but now that she stopped, he slowed in his approach. Striding with a sense of purpose he stopped in front of her, his face unreadable.

"Hi Black" She said with a half sigh.

"'lo Evans."

Anyone listening would think the pair couldn't stand each other, but the reality was actually quite different.

"Did you want something?" Her frustration couldn't help but shine through,

"Yeah, I wanted to talk."

"About…" She trailed off, waiting for him to finish.

He looked down the hall, and while few were around- there was no privacy to be had if they spoke where they were. He spotted a classroom door, and slipped in, gently pulling Lily by the wrist after him. He let her wrist go once they were in, and she rubbed it as if it were sore, which it couldn't possibly be, as he closed the door.

"What was that for?" She asked crossly.

"Don't want to be overheard,"

"What could you possibly have to say to me that can't be overheard?"

"It's about Remus."

"Ah." She understood now.

"How…how much do you know?"

"You mean aside from his lycanthropy?"

"His what?"

Sirius wasn't stupid, but he had no clue what she was on about.

"Lycanthropy, the condition of being a werewolf."

"Oh. Yeah, that," he paused, "how much do you know?"

"Well, there's not much else to know is there?" She asked, looking at him with a mostly innocent face.

He surveyed her, trying to determine if she was hiding something. To most, she would seem completely innocent- but Sirius wasn't so trusting. And he had a good eye for liars, something Lily wasn't generally- but everyone had their moments…

"What else do you know?"

"What makes you think I know anything?"

"You're acting funny."

"I don't know anything else."

"I think you do."

"Is there something else I should know?"

He paused. _Oh, crap…_ He'd set himself up for this.

"I don't know, is there?" He asked, trying to sound calm and cool- but not being very successful.

"Black."

"Evans."

"Black."

"Evans."

"This could last a long time you know." She said, ending their little game.

"Well, tell me what I want to know and we'll be done."

"Well, tell me what it is you want to know."

"You know what I want to know." He replied, giving her a penetrating look.

"I'm not really sure that I do."

He looked at her, she groaned.

"Fine- you want me to say it. I'll say it. I know about you, Potter, and Pettigrew. About your... abilities, and your monthly late night adventures."

He sighed, he'd had a feeling…

"How long have you known?"

"Since your first outing."

"But... how?"

"I was asleep on the couch in the common room when you slipped out. You couldn't see me, but I saw you and heard you. You were whispering about how great it was going to be, what fun you were going to have. No one mentioned nerves, but I could tell you were nervous by the tone in your voices. That's what told me it was your first time. I watched you from the window, and I saw you shift forms to do...something...and then you all went into the Whomping Willow. And later, I saw you all come out again, with Remus in tow in his werewolf form."

"Why didn't you ever say anything?"

She shrugged.

"Why did you bring it up with Remus now?"

"We've become good friends lately, and I felt bad keeping that I knew his secret, well...a secret. It wasn't supposed to be a big deal."

"It's a huge secret, how could someone finding out about it not be a big deal? Huh, tell me that Evans!"

"You know, Remus didn't seem half as upset as you seem to be." She was speaking and acting calmly. Sirius was way past calm.

"Well, Remus is too trusting. He automatically assumes you won't tell anyone." He was pacing, back and forth, an anxious look on his face.

"Trust me Black. I'm not going to tell anyone his secret."

"Oh really?"

"Yes, really."

He sighed, and stopped- looking at her long and hard.

"And what about our secret? Mine, James' and Peter's? Will you keep that to yourself?"

She sighed and paused for a moment, thinking.

"I…don't know."

He groaned, he had been afraid of this.

"Come on, this is a huge secret!"

He slammed his hands down on the desk that was in front of him in response.

"So is Remus' and you intend to keep his!"

"Remus can't help his secret. Yours…it's illegal- you're not registered! And who knows what could have happened in your attempts to get where you are now, and…"

"But nothing did happen."

"But it could have."

"But it didn't and that's the past. You can't justifiably tell on us because of what could have happened in the past."

"That's not all of it Black. Playing with a werewolf…you're putting yourselves in danger not to mention others. What if someone was out, and Remus stumbled upon them. He can't control himself in that state, he could…"

"He may not be able to- but we can, James and I."

"He shouldn't be roaming around like that. It's too dangerous."

"Not with me and James!"

"A dog and a stag? What kind of a match is that?"

"A hell of a good one, as past experience has proved."

"You're going to get killed, and if you don't someone else will."

"No one's going to die. I think you're over exaggerating."

"You're breaking curfew."

"Big whoop."

"Merlin, Black. This is why I'm not sure that I can keep this secret. It's too…too many things could go wrong. And it's my duty to…"

"Your duty? You have no duty in this Evans! This is none of your business!"

What had been a friendly conversation at first was going badly, speeding up as it went further and further down hill.

"Someone has to be responsible here. And we sure as hell know it's not going to be you, Potter, or Pettigrew."

"Bugger off, Evans. I'm warning you. This is none of your business, and if you don't stay out, then…"

"Then what? You'll prank me? Oh, I'm shivering in my boots…" She snarled sarcastically,

"You should be." He said coldly, staring her down. She rolled her eyes.

"Are you done?"

He gave her one last glare, and turned around promptly- stalking out the door. She sighed. Things weren't meant go like this. And she knew no good was going to come of this. It was sure to have disastrous results, if only she could predict what and when they would occur.

* * *

**Do I really need to say it again?**


	7. Planning Revenge and Dealing With Anger

AN: 2,400 words: that's how long this chapter was before I went through my usual pre-posting proofreading ritual, and before this author's note. I'm so proud of myself- especially because I wrote this much so quickly since my last update. But, I owe a lot of it to the brillant idea that .princess gave me- it revealed itself in the last chapter- partially at least. And the idea will continue to bloom in this chapter, and the next after which we'll have a jump through letters. Which reminds me, do you **have any questions you want Lily and James to ask?** Let me know if you can think of any, because I'm running out and I definately need them for chapters filled with letters. If not, I'll soon be abandoning the question trend- and I rather like it, if I do say so myself. Anywho, I think that's all I really needed to say. Except, that I'm going to be posting a new LJ story soon- I posted it awhile ago and took it down because it didn't quite get the response I wanted, and I felt I had put it up too prematurely anyway. But, I'm going to revise it a little, and then post it. And I'd really appreciate it if all of you lovely readers would give it a try when I do!

P.S. This chapter is edited as of 5/20/07.

* * *

September 2013: Edited/tweaked. See AN in Chapter One for details.

* * *

Dear Raven,

When I was little, my mother always told me that secrets were a deadly thing. I would laugh at her, in that same way every kid laughs at what their parents tell them. I realized eventually though, that she was right- not literally, of course, but figuratively. I hope this person doesn't spill your secret, whatever it may be. I'd ask how they found out, but I don't want to pry. And, we're not supposed to get too personal- if I recall correctly.

Do I have secrets? Yes. Most definitely. As to what they are, you may never know. And as for seeing me as the quiet type…well- I had to try not to laugh when I read that aloud. But, that confession can be read either way, really when you think about it. I suppose you'll have to wait to figure out which way it should be read until you meet me.

Two Aurors for parents, huh? That must have been interesting growing up. I suppose your whole life growing up must have been interesting. I envy you, really. Growing up surrounded by magic, expecting that letter and this life we have here at Hogwarts. It must have been so nice, so secure, so wonderful. It's not that I lived a terrible life before I got my letter, but I can't help but believe that things would have been so much better if I had grown up in this world rather than the Muggle one.

The Marauders…ugh…I wouldn't say I hate them per say- but I wouldn't say I love them either. I mean, they're always getting into trouble, and pulling stupid pranks. Some are harmless, and they can be quite funny. But a great number of them are heartless, uncalled for, and just plain cruel. Don't get me wrong, for the most part- I like the Marauders themselves. I just don't like the way they generally behave…

Earwax? Seriously? Vomit's most definitely worse…but earwax sounds awfully bad too…

YQ: What's your favorite Muggle sport?

MA: Well, I do love football. But, I also like tennis. And I hate to brag, but I'm quite good. I bet I'd kick your arse at least.

MQ: I know it's cliché, so don't mock me, but I am currently lacking creative juices, and thus…What's your favorite class?

MA: Charms. And it's as simple as that.

Your Secret Pen Pal,

Emerald

-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-

"WAR! THIS MEANS WAR!" Sirius roared, as he swung open the dormitory door.

James, Remus, and Peter all looked up from all around the room. Peter's face showed pure terror at Sirius' state, Remus sucked in his breath- preparing for the worst, and James' eyes widened with alarm, but he knew well enough to stay silent.

"I can't believe her that, that bitch!"

"Who?" James asked warily, his eyes narrowing. He had told Sirius not to talk to Lily, even though he knew his friend wouldn't listen. But surely Sirius couldn't be talking about Lily…

"Evans! That bloody wench! She…she….UGH!" Then again, maybe he could.

"HEY!" James yelled, standing up. Sirius laughed bitterly.

"Don't tell me you're going to defend her?" He was yelling, but it wasn't in anger so much as it was in disbelief.

"What do you expect me to do?" James cried- unable to believe his friend, "You know I fancy her!"

"Yeah, and I also know, unlike you, that she can't stand you."

James glared.

"Get over it Prongs, she's never gonna fall for you."

James stalked over to his friend, wand in hand. He jabbed his friend in the chest with the edge of the wand.

"Take it back." He growled,

Sirius leaned his head back, barking his laughter. He knew his friend wouldn't do a thing.

"Sirius." He kept laughing, "Sirius!" He took a deep breath, and managed to stop after a moment.

"I'm sorry mate…but it's the truth…and the sooner you can recognize that- the better."

James took a step back, his hand (and his wand in it) falling to his side, and shook his head.

"You're wrong. I'll get her, one day."

"Yeah," Sirius said, "Once the Giant Squid's dead and buried, or flushed, or whatever."

Remus and Peter stifled a laugh, from their respective positions in which they'd remained silent throughout the encounter thus far. James glared at them both.

"You guys'll see…one day…"

"Wanna bet?" Sirius said,

James looked at him,

"I'm above that, I'm going to get her to get her, and she'll be the prize- not winning some stupid bet."

James gave his friend a long hardened look, and then stalked out of the room, slamming the door behind him. The remaining boys were silent for a moment, not sure what to say. Finally, Remus broke the silence and said,

"So, what means war?"

Sirius' face hardened all over again.

"It's Evans…"

"We caught that much." Peter said, Sirius tossed him a glare, and he withered slightly.

"She knows…"

"Knows…" Peter trailed off,

"That we're unregistered Animagi."

"Damn it." Remus said,

"Yeah." Sirius said,

"Is she going to keep quiet?" Peter asked,

"Of course she's going to keep quiet." Remus said, responding instantly and with great confidence as well.

"Actually…" Sirius trailed off, and surprise spread across the werewolf's face,

"She wouldn't." He said in a manner that seemed to be more geared towards comforting himself than anything else,

"She would. She might."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. She said it was too dangerous, someone could get hurt. Said it was too big of a secret to keep, blah blah blah. She pulled that holier than thou act, you know the one, and she definitely seemed prepared to rat us out."

"Why would she have kept it quiet so long if she wants to tell?" Peter asked,

"Peter's right, it makes no sense." Remus said.

Sirius shrugged,

"I didn't say it did. She didn't say she definitely would tell, but I think she will…And we need to keep her from doing it."

"How?" Remus asked,

"I don't know Moony…but I know we have to do something."

-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-

James walked down the stairs from the dormitory more pissed off than he'd been in awhile. Sirius was his best friend, but James wasn't afraid to admit he could be an ass sometimes. Sirius knew how James felt about Lily. Sure, he thought James was an idiot for it, but as his friend- Sirius should respect it. That's what friends did! Or what they were supposed to do at least. Although, when had Sirius ever been a conventional friend?

James reached the common room, and plopped down on couch. He groaned when he realized he'd left the dorm without anything aside from his wand. He wasn't ready to go back up there, he might kill Sirius. But what was he supposed to do without anything except his wand?

He heard a loud sigh from across the room, he turned his head and grinned. Lily. The room was empty except for the pair of them, which was odd since it wasn't that late but James wasn't about to complain. She sat at a table, her head hunched over, her red hair cascading down, hiding her face from view. She had books scattered across the table, some open- some stacked, but there seemed to be entirely too many. How many books did the girl need anyway?

Her hand was scribbling furiously, but every so often she paused- her eyes skimming the open pages in front of her as she nibbled on the end of her quill. James couldn't help but crack a grin at the sight of her. She was special, indescribably different from all the other girls James knew. Although, admittedly James didn't know her all that well; she wouldn't let him get to know her- but it wasn't for a lack of trying on his part.

James sighed, and ran his hand through his hair. Then he shook his head, cursing himself silently- he always forgot Lily hated it when he did that, but it was a habit ingrained from his childhood. He stood up, and walked over to the table at which she sat. He pulled out the chair that was next to her at the small square table. She sighed loudly, but didn't look up.

"Go away, Potter. I'm busy."

He frowned, but didn't budge.

"Come on, Evans. Give me a chance."

She looked up at him, and he tried not to wince at the glare she was giving him.

"Go away."

"I've barely even said anything!" He exclaimed, "How can I be bothering you?"

"Potter…I'm working on my History of Magic essay…please, just leave me alone."

He sighed,

"Okay…but you can you answer one question for me first?"

"For the millionth time, I won't go out with you!"

"Not that." He said, he paused, "What happened between you and Sirius to get him so mad?"

"He didn't tell you?"

"I left before he could."

She paused,

"Well, I told him that I know about you, him, and Peter."

"Oh…how?" The first part was said with understanding, the latter with confusion.

"I saw you transform the first night. And then a little bit after, I saw you in your Animagi forms playing around with Remus in his, er, furry form."

"Oh…"

"You know, it's really dangerous... Remus could really hurt somebody, he can't control himself in that state! If he ran into someone…"

"Sirius and I can control him!"

"That's what Black said."

"Well, we can."

"You think you can- but can you be absolutely positive you'll be able to if a situation occurs?"

James paused,

"That's what I thought."

She stood up, and began gathering her books.

"Where are you going?"

"Clearly, I'm not going to get any work done down here. So, I guess I'll attempt to finish upstairs."

He sighed,

"Don't go. I'll leave. I said I would after all."

She looked at him, surprised.

"Don't be so surprised," he said, as he backed away towards the base of the stairs that led to the dorm rooms, "I always keep my promises."

And with that, he turned around and began to climb the stairs. Lily stood there, some of her things still in her arms, watching his retreating back. He never did cease to puzzle her…

-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-

"So we're agreed then," Sirius said,

"I suppose so…" Remus said, not sure at all,

"Su-su-sure." Peter stuttered, sometimes he wished he could say no to Sirius.

Sirius groaned, and raked his fingers through his hair.

"It's the only way." Sirius said, "We can't let her tell anyone. And this," he said, pointing to the scrap of parchment that lay in front of the three, "this will keep her quiet."

"Are you positive?" Remus asked,

"Yes." Sirius said firmly,

"There has to be another way…" Remus said,

Sirius groaned again, louder this time.

"We've been through this about five times now!" He cried, "There is no other way. This is the only way!"

"Fine!" Remus cried, throwing his hands up in the air, "We'll do it your way…but if this doesn't work…remember that I've been against this from the beginning."

"Me-me too." Peter stuttered,

"Ugh!" Sirius cried, "What is it with you two? You," he pointed to Remus, "with your 'I'm smarter than you' and 'are you sure?', and," now he pointed to Peter, "you- you with your incessant stuttering."

"I-I only st-stutter when I'm nervous." Peter replied, his voice rather shaky.

Sirius opened his mouth to reply, but Remus cut him off.

"Oh, sod off Sirius! Leave him alone, he hasn't done anything. I get that you're pissed, but take it out on someone else rather than your best friends!"

Sirius frowned. He knew Peter wasn't as much of a dork as he sometimes made him out to be…but he was just such an easy target when Sirius was pissed! But, though he wouldn't confess it aloud, he knew Remus was right. He shouldn't take his anger out on Peter, or Remus or James- the last of whom he most certainly had. He inwardly groaned, realizing he'd have to apologize. He hated apologizing, although he supposed no one really liked it…

"So, we're agreed," he repeated,

"Yeah."

"Y-yes."

James was going to kill him for this. But it had to be done.

"Great. Tomorrow then?"

His friends nodded.

"Okay then."

He paused, unsure what to say now. But, then the dormitory door swung open and the three craned their necks to see who it was. It was James, of course. He nodded curtly at them, and he tossed a quick menacing glance towards Sirius that only Sirius' eyes caught. James walked over to his bed, and flopped down on it. He grabbed a Quidditch magazine and began to flip through it. Sirius stood up, and walked over to his friend's bed. He sat down on the edge and paused for a moment before he spoke.

"Er…James…"

James looked up, his face showing his annoyance.

"What Padfoot?"

Good, James used his nickname. So, he couldn't be too mad, right?

"I…I'm…I'm sorry."

James grinned,

"What was that?" He asked playfully,

Sirius glared, James laughed.

"Are we okay?" Sirius asked,

"Yeah," James said, "We're okay," he paused, "But you're still an ass."

Sirius laughed.

"Yeah, well, I'm not alone in that."

James mock glared, but then two started howling with laughter. From across the room, Remus shook his head. Those two; they never could stay angry with each other for long.

* * *

Two more quick notes:

The line "I'm above that..." and the rest of that is loosely based off something a guy said about me. His friends bet him to ask me out, and he said he was above that and he'd just do it because he liked me. I thought it was really cute, and as I was writing this chapter- I thought it would be something cute for James to say.

And, reading through it I realized this chapter is more curse heavy than others have been, so just remember- this story is rated T.

* * *

**Please?...you know you want to...**


	8. Terrible Plans and Incorrect Assumptions

AN: 3,285 words, that's how long this chapter was before I added this Author's Note. It's my longest yet, and what's more is- I didn't struggle at all to get it to this length. This really is my favorite chapter too, and not because it's the longest either. It's just funny, and it was really fun to write. Um, in regards to other things however...For one thing, in case you have noticed by now- I'm really interested in the contrast between James' and Lily's background. I think it's an interesting dynamic. For another, I really like having Remus and Lily as friends. I think it's funny how she can get along so well with one Marauder, but not with another. And, I know in the last chapter I've had James and Sirius make up really quickly- but you can blame my Psych/Soc teacher for that. We were talking about the differences between genders- and she kept going on about how quickly boys make up after a fight versus girls. And, I can really see James and Sirius as being those type of friends. Also, you'll notice Sirius is a bit less of an ass in this chapter- I think he has moments where he's an ass, and others where he's compassionate._ Oh! I finally remembered what I really wanted to say- so I can stop rambling now._

POVs: With my stories it's usually a clearly defined first person POV, or third omnisicient. In this chapter, I had it a hard time making it either. I just really couldn't keep myself from letting you be in everyone's head. But, each section tends to be in mostly one person's. So, I inserted breaks where it mostly transitions, but realize that there will be tiny lines or so that come from another's head within each section. But hopefully, those lines are clearly defined. I hope it's not too confusing...

p.p.s. This chapter is edited as of 6/2/07.

* * *

September 2013: Edited/tweaked. See AN in Chapter One for details.

* * *

Dear Emerald,

Secrets can be the end to a person. But again, figuratively not literally. Luckily, our secret appears to be safe. And thank Merlin, because otherwise we'd be in a heap of trouble. And, can I just say: I'm very intrigued as to what secrets you might have. What are the chances you might tell me some of them when we finally meet face to face?

It was interesting to grow up with Aurors I suppose. But, to me- that was life, I'd never (and really, despite my mother currently being unemployed, have never) known anything else. And while I knew other magical kids my age, most of them had Aurors as parents- that's how I knew them. Our parents worked together and were friends. Some parents of my friend's parents did other things, but they all worked at the Ministry doing something or another. Just an odd coincidence, I suppose. Although, perhaps not really. A good deal of wizarding careers tend to involve the Ministry in some capacity or another.

Honestly, I wouldn't say my life has been that secure growing up. I mean, there are threats in the magical world just as there are in the Muggle world. And I'd rather be shot with a bullet than hit with "Avada Kedavra". At least bullets aren't always fatal. In the Muggle world, magic is a good line of defense. But, in the magical world- your opponent has magic just like you, so it's rather like a Muggle versus a Muggle, except that there tends to be more at stake. At least, that's how I see it. But, you've grown up in the Muggle world, so you'd know better than me.

I wouldn't say the Marauders' pranks are heartless or cruel. I mean, they pick their "victims" carefully. Mostly, the "victims" tend to be bullies who need to be taught a lesson. They never pick on the defenseless, unless it's something very harmless. They've only picked on younger years once, and that was when they cast that spell that they all automatically bowed when the professors entered the room. Remember that? It was hysterical, and completely harmless. And, it only lasted a day.

The earwax tasted terrible, it was undoubtedly the worst thing I've ever eaten. And, on another note: for the record, I would kick your arse at tennis.

YQ: What's your favorite class? (And yes, you're right- it is cliché)

MA: Transfiguration. I like all the possibilities it opens up.

MQ: Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

MA: Married (I'd be lying if I said I didn't already know the girl, although it's more of a pathetic hope than a future reality), with at least one kid (and hopefully more to come), and working somewhere in the Ministry. I'd like to be an Auror, but I know firsthand that it really prevents having a good family life- and that's something I know I really want. But with the war going on, and not seeming to be ending tomorrow or the day after, I might join the Aurors at least until Voldemort is defeated.

Your Secret Pen Pal,

Raven

-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-

They had planned it down to the dot above each "i". Nothing could go wrong. James had detention at the moment, and with any luck- he'd never know what happened. Or rather, what was about to happen. Sirius observed the scene with keen eyes. Everything was in place. His gaze darted to Lily, looking at her out of the corner of his eyes so that she wouldn't know he was watching.

She was sitting alone underneath a tall tree. A book sat in her lap, and her head was down as she read it. Sunlight shone in just the right way, so that it came at her from behind and made her hair softly glow. Looking at her in such a peaceful state, he felt a slight pain in his gut with the knowledge of what would occur in mere minutes. But he shook his head, shooing the thoughts away. Reminding himself of the reason for this. Reminding himself of what she had threatened to do, and what effect it would have on his friends. And then, the guilt went away...mostly.

He looked at his watch, Operation "Rain on Her Parade" (Remus' name, that Sirius had liked when Remus explained it) would commence in two minutes. He needed to get hidden before it started, so that he could see her, but she couldn't see him and hex the crap out of him right away. He glanced at her one last time, then bit his lip- reminding himself, again, that it had to be done, that it was the only way. Not convinced in the least, he walked away, going in the opposite direction of where he already knew he would be hiding. Appearing to anyone who was watching as though he was headed inside, he quickly turned towards his hiding spot- looping back behind Lily.

He reached his hiding spot and crouched among the bushes. He had the most perfect view possible, without being visible himself. He saw Remus poke his head out from behind a tree- his wand pointed. He muttered a few words, his lips unreadable, before he quickly ducked back behind the tree. And even though Sirius couldn't see it, he knew Remus was now crawling along the ground to hide in some nearby bushes where he too could see the prank run its course.

Suddenly, with a crack of thunder- there it was. A lone, large, stormy gray rain cloud situated a few mere feet above Lily's head- and Lily's alone. She shrieked as the icy water began to pour down in buckets' worth on her. She looked upwards, not bothering to hide her shocked expression. Her eyes widened as she realized there was only one cloud and that it was sunny everywhere else on the grounds.

She jumped up, her forgotten book dropping to the ground. She picked it up and made to run away, which she did. Except the cloud followed her. Sirius had to bite his lips to keep from howling with laughter at the hilarious sight. This was better than any prank he could ever remember pulling on Snape. Quite a feat since this prank had been planned and pulled off without James.

But the laugh died in his throat as he recognized the form that had just passed through the castle doors to the outside. He could tell, despite the distance, that the form was standing there on the steps with wide eyes staring at Lily running around in circles in a vain attempt to get the rain cloud to stop hovering over her head as she attempted to counter the prank.

The form was James.

Oh shit.

-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-

James didn't mind detention that much really. It was never anything too terrible. Scrubbing the floors of a class room was a piece of cake- sure James knew he wasn't supposed to do magic. But what were they going to do, give him another detention of scrubbing floors? Working in the Forbidden Forest with Hagrid wasn't bad either, James liked Hagrid. And he'd spent enough time romping around in the forest during the full moon to lack any fear of it. Working with Slughorn making Potions sucked, but it was evened out by the fact that James always found some way to piss the man off.

This morning was no exception to the easy punishment rule. James had been assigned to scrub the some of the more recent Qudditch trophies, not the simplest task- but nothing too terrible. He'd managed to finish earlier than expected, earning a menacing and suspicious glare from Filch. But, the mad had no grounds to hold him, so he let James go. Now, James was searching for his friends. Sure he would find them out on the grounds (he'd already checked the Gryffindor common room), he pushed open one of the large doors that led to the Hogwarts grounds.

And there, he stopped, frozen. The most puzzling sight was before him. Lily Evans, the girl he'd been crushing on for ages, was running around in circles- and a single rain cloud was following her. She was drenching wet, her uniform fully soaked, her auburn hair clinging in strands to the side of her face. Though still gorgeous as always, the term "drowning rat" came to mind. Not that James had ever seen a red-headed rat, drowning or otherwise.

"What the hell?" He said, speaking to no one other than himself.

What was going on? What had…oh no. Suddenly, James realized exactly what was going on. He was going to kill Sirius. But first, he had to stop the prank. However, he had no clue how. He paused, racking his brain for some idea. But suddenly, with a loud "pop" the rain cloud was gone. Lily halted, her chest heaving. She hunched over, and James realized that it wasn't only water that was dripping down her face. He was going to kill Sirius.

A piece of parchment suddenly appeared, floating down in front of Lily. She reached out and grabbed it, holding with both hands. Her eyes skimmed it through her tears.

"_Keep your mouth shut, or else this won't be the end of it. _

_-The Marauders_"

James stalked across the grounds in long strides, stopping when he was right in front of Lily. She was still hunched over slightly, holding that piece of paper in her hand. He took off his robes, and put them around her shoulders. She looked up after she felt the touch of the dry cloth over her damp clingy uniform. She glared daggers into his head. James tried not to gulp.

"HOW COULD YOU?" She screeched,

His eyes widened, and he jumped slightly- startled by her outburst.

"How could I what?" He asked, nervous but trying not to show it. Surely she didn't think that…

"How could I what," She mocked, snarling, "you know what!" She screamed. Or maybe she could...

"Actually I don't…"

She growled,

"I swear I didn't know anything about this…" He protested,

"Oh, sure you didn't" She said,

"But-" He began before she cut him off.

"How on Earth could you think that a stupid heartless prank like this would get me to keep my mouth shut? How could you be so dense? Oh, you can become an Animagus all by yourself- but you can't think through a simple real life situation. Use your head, Potter- it's big enough, there's got to be room in there somewhere for logical thought!"

She was ranting, and loudly at that- but luckily the entire student body had long ago learned to maintain their distance when James and Lily were having one of their infamous rows.

James' eyes widened.

"You…how could you…" He sputtered,

"How could I share your precious secret? How could you pull this stupid prank?!" She screeched the last part even louder than the first

James' face began to turn red with fury.

"Bloody hell Evans! You're a psychopath!"

"A psychopath?" She laughed, deep and heartily. "Better that than being an arrogant ass."

He glared, and a whole string of words came to his mind. He had to bite his tongue to keep from saying them. He was breathing heavily, trying to restrain himself. She was seething just like he, and she stood there expectantly- waiting for a response. Suddenly, a hand clamped down on his shoulder. Sirius.

"So, what's up?" He asked, trying to sound casual,

James swung around, glaring daggers at his best friend.

"What did you do?" He cried,

"Er…" Sirius said, backing away in fear.

"What did you do?" He spoke again, louder now.

"You can try and blame Black all you want Potter- but it won't convince me."

He ignored her, still stalking towards his friend- who was slowly backing away.

-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-

"Lily." A voice said from right behind her, she swerved around. Remus.

"What do you want?"

"Can we talk?"

"Look at me. I'm soaking wet and it's all your best friend's fault! Do I really look like I'm in the mood to talk?!" Remus laughed, but it had a bitter edge to it.

"Not really. But we have to talk. Now."

Lily groaned, but nodded. Remus took her by the arm, and led her a few feet away.

"First off," he began, "James had nothing to do with this."

"Yeah," she said- interrupting, "and I'm the Queen of England."

"Lily, I swear. He didn't." he paused, motioning to where James stood shouting at Sirius and jabbing him in the chest with his wand, "that's why he's about to kill Sirius."

He looked at her, judging her face to see how she was taking it in. She was in deep thought, but Remus couldn't quite tell what she was thinking. He inwardly crossed his fingers that she'd believe him.

"This was just from me and Sirius. Peter knew what were going to do, but he didn't really do anything. James had detention this morning-"

Lily interrupted and said, "Of course."

Remus continued, unfazed, "James had detention this morning, and we didn't think he would ever know what happened. We knew if he found out, that he'd kill us."

"But why would Potter care if you pranked me? And why would you prank me in the first place?"

Well, at least she was listening.

"Lily, you're the brightest witch in our year. Surely by now you've realized that James really does like you."

"A. I wouldn't say I'm the brightest witch in our year. Although," she paused and turned her head towards James and Sirius, "I might agree I'm brighter than certain others…" she paused, turning back to Remus, "and B. Potter doesn't like me, he likes torturing me."

Remus laughed,

"You and I both know, although you may not admit it, that James is probably the brightest wizard in our year to your status of being the brightest witch." She rolled her eyes at this, but Remus knew that she probably knew the truth deep down, "and James does like you. He's just very _very_ bad at showing it."

Lily gave a small laugh at this, and Remus grinned.

"Look, I don't want to talk about Potter…why…why did you prank me Remus? I mean, out of the four you- you've always been the most mature. And, I thought we were friends. So, why…why would you prank me?"

Remus sighed,

"I'm not proud of this Lily. I knew it was the wrong thing to do when I agreed to do it. It's just Sirius is so convincing, and I wasn't sure what else to do." Lily opened her mouth to speak, but Remus cut her off, "I'm not saying that's any excuse. It's just the truth."

"But…why?"

"You read the note."

"Remus, I swear- I'll never tell anyone your secret."

"I know. It's not that secret that I'm worried about."

Lily bit her lip, and Remus gave her an imploring look.

"Lily, if you rat them out….they'll be sentenced to Azkaban. And I know you hate James, and while I think that's silly on your part- I understand your reasons. But, you can't let your hatred for him condemn them all to Azkaban. They wanted to make things easier for me, and I'll never be able to explain how much easier it has made my transformations…

"Lily, say what you want about them- but they're great friends. They've been so loyal to me, and they never treated me differently for even a second after they found out what I am. Well, once they finished yelling at me for not trusting them," He paused, and laughed for a moment at the memory.

"They've been fantastic friends. They've made those regular nights somewhat enjoyable instead of torturous self-loathing ones. I know you may not see it like that, and I know what they're doing is illegal. But, Lily, please…don't make them be punished for something they only did for a friend."

Lily bit her lip, and stood there for a moment. Her face showed deep thought, and inward struggle. Remus hoped that was a good sign.

"Ok... I won't tell anyone. But, if you ever pull a stunt like this again…you'll pay. And you won't pay by me telling their secret- but I swear, you will pay."

Remus laughed.

"Understood."

"And, one more thing."

Remus managed to hold back a groan.

"When we're of age, can you at least try to get them to register? Please?"

Remus nodded,

"I told them they had to when we're of age."

She smiled.

"Sounds like you."

He gave a small laugh, and there was a brief moment of silence.

"Did I apologize for all of this?" He asked, "I meant to, but I'm not sure that I did."

She shook her head.

"Well, I am. I'm really sorry. I should have just talked to you one on one in the first place. I should have known better than to stoop to this…can you forgive me?"

"Yeah, I forgive you."

"Good. Friends?"

"Of course."

They smiled, and hugged awkwardly.

"Say…why is your robe dry?"

She looked down, and a puzzled look crossed her face.

"Oh, I think Potter gave it to me…"

"See, why would a guy who pranked you and enjoys torturing you give you his robes?"

"Guilt?" She offered weakly.

He shook his head.

"You may be bright, but when it comes to James- you don't have a clue." And with that, he put a hand on her shoulder briefly- as if to say "think about it", and then walked away- leaving her utterly confused.

She saw him walk over to his two friends, and put a hand on each of their shoulders. She saw him saw speak a few words, she couldn't tell what, and then James straightened up, and stopped his yelling and wand jabbing. Sirius stopped backing away, and crossed his arms across his chest, a pouty look on his face. Remus said a few more words, and after another glare between the two best friends they finally reached out their arms and shook hands.

And then, that was that. All the tension seemed to dissipate at once, and things were back to normal. Suddenly, James and Sirius were joking around- with Remus joining in. Then, they headed towards the castle. Peter approached, seeming to come out of nowhere. Lily realized he had probably been hiding during the prank, and decided to stay hidden to stay out of the fighting. A cowardly move, but probably a smart one. The four boys headed inside talking and laughing, and never once looking back at the still soaking Lily who stood there shocked and somehow more confused.

Finally, she shook her head and walked over to where her book lay on the ground several yards away. She made a face as she picked it up and realized it was soggy. She shook her head, and as a chill ran up her spine she could cast a drying spell on it and herself once she got upstairs. So, she headed back into the castle and up to the Gryffindor tower, deep in thought.

When she reached her dormitory she would realize she still wore James' robes. She would return it to him at dinner, with a mumbled "Thanks Potter." And his face would break into a wide grin as she left, but she would never see it. After she walked away Remus would tell his friends what he had yet to say- that Lily had promised to keep their secret just that. Then he would pronounce that Sirius was an idiot for thinking a prank would keep her mouth shut, and James would loudly agree. Then, Sirius would get another pouty look on his face- and the joking would continue. And for a long time, they would forget about the incident entirely, and things would be quiet fighting-wise for awhile.

* * *

The next chapter will be entirely letters: so stay tuned!

Also, major kudos to **wicked. witchy .princess** for coming up with the idea for the past few chapters! I'm not sure what I would have done without her!

Lastly, I must have uploaded this chapter a million different times. The first few being to fix errors, and add things I forgot. And now I'm uploading it again, because it's not showing that it has an eighth chapter- more than 24 hours after I first posted it. So, **please review** as a reward for my efforts...


	9. Letters and More Letters

I was going to upload this Monday as a birthday present to myself, but I couldn't finish it in time :( And then I was going to upload it Tuesday, but I was too lazy to proof it at the time. And then I was going to upload it yesterday, but things happened and I couldn't.

P.S. This chapter is edited as of 6/02/07.

* * *

September 2013: Edited/tweaked. See AN in Chapter One for details.

Also, again, since this story was begun (and this chapter and the next few written and edited) before the release of Deathly Hallows, remember that Lily didn't know Severus Snape before Hogwarts and so they weren't really friends/didn't know each other at all.

* * *

Dear Raven,

Allow me to admit that in my mind I'm speculating what your secret might be. Don't worry- I don't expect you to hint or even acknowledge that I'm wondering. Think of it as a rhetorical confession. I'm just saying that you've got me curious. Which, some may say is an easy thing to do, but it's really not. I'm just good at faking interest in the most boring of subjects.

So, did you come to Hogwarts with a lot of friends? Clearly, I knew no one. It was scary, starting at a new school in a whole different cultural world, with a bunch of people I had never met while I was so far from home. Even if I had grown up with magic, but had never met anyone at Hogwarts beforehand, it still would have been scary and difficult. But, for all my complaining, please don't get me wrong- I love Hogwarts. I love this new and different world. I love that I've been able to experience the two worlds so fully. Although I still have a lot left of the Wizarding world to see.

I'd never really thought of it- but you're right. I would rather be shot with a bullet than hit with "Avada Kedavra". At least with a bullet I'd have a chance of survival. But, I'd really rather avoid both altogether. Regarding which is worse: Muggle versus Muggle, or Witch/Wizard versus Witch/Wizard- I'm not entirely sure. I think one could give a strong argument either way. I know I could.

What are you? The Marauders' number one fan or something? Sure, they can be funny. (Yes, I did love that prank where all the first/second/third years bowed when the professors entered the room.) But, they can also be hurtful. I've seen many of their victims (they are so totally victims, I don't know why you put quotations around the word) burst into tears after the Marauders had their fun. I suppose some of their targets might deserve what they get- and by some I'm referring to some of the various bullies in the school (well, the bullies that aren't the Marauders).

It should be struck from the record that you would kick my arse at tennis. Let me assure you: you would not. And if you're so sure of yourself (which you so naively seem to be) then I propose we one day play a game of tennis and see who bests who.

YQ: Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

MA: Married (I have no clue to whom, perhaps I haven't met him yet?), considering children in the near future (if we haven't been married long enough to already consider and have at least one), and working doing _something._ Clearly, I'm not sure what I want to do or where I'll be. I have vague hopes/ideas, but other than that- I'm not sure. I've always felt that the future is so unpredictable you shouldn't plan too much. I know what I want (well, mostly), I just don't know when I'll get it. I do plan on getting married and having kids. And I know I'll do something in the Wizarding world (my parents somewhat secretly hope that I'll return to the Muggle world). I think I'd like to something academic, perhaps studying Charms or Potions.

P.S. (yes, I know if this was an actual post script it would be at the end of the letter) What did you mean when you said "I'd be lying if I said I didn't already know the girl, although it's more of a pathetic hope than a future reality"? Do you like a certain girl and hope to marry her- but she doesn't like you back and thus you won't get married? Or she likes you back but you don't think you'll end up married? Or…I don't know what else is possible, I just know I'm not sure what you meant.

MQ: Who's your favorite teacher?

MA: Mine is either Professor McGonagall (no Professor- I am not trying to suck up, I really do like you) or Professor Slughorn. They're both knowledgeable about their subjects and they both are reasonable with our workloads and punishments and whatnot. Of course, I quite favor Professor Flitwick as Charms is my favorite subject and he's often assisted me with some additional private instruction.

Your Secret Pen Pal,

Emerald

-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-

Dear Emerald,

I came to Hogwarts with a few friends, but not many. And, oddly enough, I barely ever talk to said friends now a days. We were sorted into different Houses, and we were never very close in the first place. It was more like they were the kids of people my parents associated with, so when we were at the occasional stuffy get together pureblood society sometimes has, we talked and played. But beyond that, I didn't really see them, and I didn't even sit with any of them on the train. Of my closest friends, I knew of a couple of them before Hogwarts, but we weren't friends. However now, I can't imagine how I ever managed without being friends with them.

Do the Marauders really have fans? I mean, like literal fans. I know they have some girls hanging all over them, but would you really call them fans? Even if you would, I'm not a girl (especially not a girl who hangs all over a bunch of guys, nor am I a guy who hangs all over a bunch of guys- for the record) and thus- I couldn't be called one of their "fans." I mean, they're popular sure, but the term "fans" seems a little extreme.

Honestly, I really don't see their "targets" as "victims". I also haven't seen them play any harmful pranks on any who aren't (as you said) bullies. But you say they have, so perhaps you can tell me of some of these pranks and their "victims". And, while we're on the subject of bullies...would you really call the Marauders bullies? I mean, they haven't actually hurt anyone. They don't do it to be hurtful; which is why I'm not sure I believe you when you say that some of their "victims" have started crying.

I would most definitely beat you at tennis. Perhaps, as you said, we should have a match. Maybe over the summer, after we've finally met face to face.

What I meant was there's this girl I really like. But, she doesn't like me. However, I have this hope (that many claim ridiculous and some pathetic) that we'll end up together. I suppose I know deep down the chances of it happening are slim to none. But, a guy can hope- right?

YQ: Who's your favorite teacher?

MA: Probably McGonagall. She'd probably laugh if she read that (which she will I suppose, unless she's only skimming the letters), but I really do mean it. For one thing (as I believe I've already said) I really like Transfiguration. I have more reasons, but I'm not sure how to explain them- so I'll leave it at that.

MQ: Do you have a secret talent? What is it?

MA: Yes, I do. Secretly…I sing quite well. And no, I'm not being cocky (well maybe a little bit, but I'm not trying to be). My friends have told me so (they have, to their creeped out displeasure I believe, overheard me in the shower), and when I sing along with music, I tend to stay in tune pretty well.

Your Friend,

Raven

-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-

Dear Raven,

I would suppose coming to school knowing anyone is better than coming knowing no one, wouldn't you? Although, I suppose it is a shame you're not really friends with them anymore. I know I really regret losing touch with my Muggle friends. We were so close, but that all changed when I got my Hogwarts letter. It was so hard not telling them such huge news, but I was told the fact that I'm a witch should be kept quiet. At first, that really got me upset and it really made me think. My sister (I've mentioned her, haven't I?) said it was because I'm a freak and being a witch was something to be ashamed of. I'm now ashamed to admit that deep down I sort of believed her.

But now, I realize just how ignorant she is, and I understand why I had to keep it quiet (aside from the fact that anyone I told probably wouldn't have believed me anyways). I'm still sad at the loss of my friendship with my childhood friends. I told them I was going to boarding school, that I'd been recommended for a scholarship- and my attending was an impromptu thing. They didn't understand why I couldn't give them a phone number, or even an address. Or why I insisted they just send letters they for me to my parents and that they could forward the letters to me. It didn't honestly surprise me that I never got more than two letters from them each; but that doesn't mean it didn't hurt.

Oh, let's stop talking about the Marauders. I'm sick of them. I hear enough talk of them already. Stupid Potter. Black, Lupin and Pettigrew too. But, they're not nearly as bad. It's just…oh, they make me so mad! But I said I wanted to drop this conversation, didn't I? And I do, there are so many better subjects to talk about.

It's settled then. Over the summer, we'll have a tennis tournament- just the two of us. Winner…well, we'll work that out later.

For the record, I think it's really cute how into this girl you are. Does she know your feelings are genuine, and to this extent? I'm sure if she did, you'd have a much better chance with her. Maybe your "pathetic hope" would turn out not to be so pathetic after all, and maybe it might become a future reality. You never know.

YQ: Do you have a secret talent? What is it? (Good question by the way.)

MA: No…okay, maybe. But it's really weird. And it's hard to explain. Plus, some might debate whether or not it's an actual talent. At least I assume they would, I've never told anyone before…So consider yourself lucky- and keep your mouth shut. My talent is…I'm really good at knowing people's feelings. It's like I get these waves of emotions coming off people. I can tell if they're sad, or happy, or angry or worried. It's not just being intuitive either, I can just feel their emotions overwhelming me and surrounding my own emotions. I've always had this "talent" but I've noticed it's increased since I started at Hogwarts. I suppose it would make sense that it's associated with my magical abilities. I don't know, it really is hard to explain. And, it's odd but…yeah. Just don't mock me, okay?

MQ: What's your favorite animal?

MA: I love owls. I know it's a simple answer most young witches and wizards would say- but I really do. And mostly, I just love my owl. Tawny (yes, I know it's cliché)- she's such a great pet. So loyal and affectionate. You wouldn't expect an owl to be affectionate, at least I wouldn't have, but she is. Before Hogwarts, however, and before I as introduced to owls as pets I really liked horses. I used to ride when I was younger.

Your Friend,

Emerald

-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-

Dearest Emerald,

Yes, you're right. Coming knowing a few people was better than coming knowing no one. At least I had someone to sit with on the train (if I had wanted), and admittedly that kept me from being as nervous as some people were. I mean, yes it was stressful, and new, and overwhelming- but they were acting like we'd just been informed that we were all about to undergo painful dental surgery without anesthesia. I mean, geez- it wasn't as scary as they were making it out to be.

I suppose I do slightly miss my friendship with them, but it was so long ago. And we were never that close. I'm sorry you lost touch with your friends though. It seems you were close, and that you really miss them. Did you ever try to get together with them over the Holidays or summer break? Or send them letters despite the long time since they'd sent you one? I'm not blaming you or anything (I just realized it might seem like I am)- I'm just curious.

You really do hate the Marauders don't you? What have they done to you? Are you one of their "victims?" They've always seemed like nice guys…I can't believe they'd do something mean to a girl as nice as you. You just seem so non-temperamental and generally well-wishing to all. I don't understand why you despise the Marauders so much…

A bet? You really want to make a bet? Oh, it's on. Winner…hm…let's see…Winner. Oh man, I think is the first time I haven't been able to think of a deliciously dangerous bet. It's probably because while we're getting to know each other quite well, we also barely know each other. Give me some time, and I bet I can come up with something….

Regarding the girl…you think it's cute? And not pathetic? I'll have to tell Scotty…he won't leave me alone. Says it's "bloody pathetic" and that I "should just bloody move on already" and that she just isn't into me and I should just "bloody well get it through my skull already". I know, I know- he uses the term "bloody" way too bloody much. But, back to the girl. I think she knows that my feelings are genuine, I mean- how could she not? I don't think I could do anything to make it more clear…I mean, what am I supposed to do? Tell her every day that I genuinely like her- yeah, I'm sure that will convince her. Besides, I practically do that anyways. I flirt with her, ask her out, and talk to her, and joke- there's never a day that we don't talk, when we're at school. I don't write her when we're away because as I said, she really doesn't like me and I don't want to cross the line into stalking and creepy territory.

For the record, I don't find your talent mock-worthy. I think it's interesting. I've heard of things sort of like that, it's rare- but I don't think you're alone. And, thanks, by the way, for trusting me. I don't think it's necessarily something that you need to keep quiet, but I'll respect that's how you feel and keep it to myself. Even once I know your actual name.

YQ: What's your favorite animal?

MA: This is going to sound really weird. So don't mock me (remember: I didn't mock you!) but…my favorite animal is probably deer. My dad and I were out in this forest this one time when I was younger, about eight maybe. He was looking for something for a potion I think, and he took me along to keep him company as he searched. We came to this clearing, surrounded by lush trees and there was this single doe, a beautiful doe, in the middle of the clearing. She stood there for a moment- panicked. And then, she raised her head at us- acknowledging us, just barely. And then she turned and trotted away, seeming to be fully confident that we wouldn't follow her. She was just so magnificent; I've never seen any creature so regal… Yeah, I know that it's a little odd, but that moment had an impact on me, I guess...

MQ: You hate the Marauders, that much is clear. But you seem to hate James Potter the most, why? (I would have asked you this in my previous Marauder related paragraph, but this way you have to answer).

Your Friend,

Raven

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**Please Review Darlings...**


	10. Difficult Spells and Muffled Thoughts

AN: And, another chapter. Before I say anything I want to thank everyone who reviewed, I've never gotten as many reviews for one chapter as I did for the last one (almost 3 times as much as for the chapter before it) and I can't even begin to describe how elated I felt. It means to any author when they receive positive response from their readers. So thank you. Also, I'm sorry I didn't upload this earlier. I've been having computer issues (that aren't anywhere near over) and I was trying to figure out exactly how I wanted this chapter to play out...

P. chapter is edited as of 6/04/07.

* * *

September 2013: Edited/tweaked. See AN in Chapter One for details.

* * *

Dear Raven,

Oh, I was a nervous wreck on the way to Hogwarts. And I was quite literally shaking in my boots before the Sorting. Although part of that might have been because I was soaking wet. Why does it always rain on the first day of the new term? (Okay, fine, it hasn't rained every year, but almost every year…that counts for something- right?)

I did try to arrange for get togethers with my Muggle friends. But, things never worked out. And, after a while, it'd been so long it didn't even make sense to try anymore. I did send them a few letters despite the absence of letters sent by them- but to be honest I'm not sure they ever got them. And, even if they did, the end result was the same: no reply. I've moved on now, I really have, but I think I'll always hold that slight remorse over how things ended up. You know?

I wouldn't say I hate the Marauders…they're just not my favorite people. Although, really, they don't all bother me, nor do they bother me all the time. It's just sometimes some of them (or all of them) drive me crazy! And by the way, I'm not one of their regular victims, I've just seen the things they've done…and I can't help but dislike them for it. And didn't I ask to stop talking about them? There are so many other things to discuss, truly.

Regarding our bet: we'll decide the terms right before we play, how about that?

I don't think your feelings for this girl are pathetic. Any girl would kill to have a guy that head over heels for her. Well, unless he's a creep, but you don't seem to be (and good decision on the lack of harassing letters, best to avoid being a stalker). So that's why I think she doesn't get that your feelings are sincere. If she did…I think things would be different between you. And maybe you should try lessening the number of times you ask her out…Find other ways to show her how you feel…I'm sure she'll appreciate any effort you put forth.

I find it interesting that your favorite animal is a deer. But, it's not unusual or anything. Just different. And neat, did I mention it's neat?

YQ: You hate the Marauders, that much is clear. But you seem to hate James Potter the most, why?

MA: Oh, you're a tricky little devil, aren't you? Fine, I'll answer the question…James Potter is an insufferable brat. We all know he comes from money, and he never lets us forget it. He walks about this school as if it's his property, and he treats those around him as if they're his playthings. Out of all the Marauders, he's the one who's the most likely to start trouble. And don't even get me started on his ego…Oh, Merlin, you just opened the dam…there's so much more I could say…but I'll restrain myself…

MQ: What's your favorite flower?

MA: Sunflowers. They're the most cheery flower I've ever seen. They're so bright and elegant. I love the way they stand so tall and rigid as if they're reaching for the sky. And they remind me of a warm summer day. And yes, I realize that's a rather girly question, but that's what you get for asking that question about the Marauders and Potter.

Your friend,

Emerald

-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-

"It's not that hard!"

"YES IT IS!"

"All you do is say, 'James- I need help.'"

"And then he'll say something like, 'Well I have been saying that for years haven't I?'"

Maddy giggled a little.

"No, he wouldn't."

"Then why'd you laugh?"

"Because it'd be funny if he did say it."

Lily rolled her eyes.

"Come on Lily, just ask him."

"I can't…" Lily trailed off weakly.

"Yes you can."

"But…"

"But nothing! Lily, he's the best at Transfiguration in our year. And you definitely need help."

"But…"

Maddy gave her a hardened look.

"Ugh, fine! But tell me again, why couldn't you have taken N.E.W.T. Transfiguration?" Lily cried,

"Because I suck at Transfiguration, you know that." Maddy replied with a toss of her head.

"I know, but still..."

"…Are you going to ask him for help or not?" Maddy cocked an eyebrow as she said this, and Lily's eyes narrowed slightly.

Lily sighed and stood up from the table. She ran a hand through her hair (Maddy had to keep from smirking) and picked up her book. Lily tried to look pleasant but she felt like she was going to beg for help from the Devil. Not that she planned on begging. Or that James Potter was the Devil, he was just …Potter.

She crossed the Gryffindor common room over to where James sat with his friends in front of the fireplace. They were all laughing, and James was sporting a pleased grin and chuckling slightly. No doubt he had just told some joke and was proud of the response it was getting. She approached him from the side and reminded herself to keep her dignity. She could do this, just ask him for help…it wasn't that hard…right?

"Potter?"

James turned his head and raised an eyebrow at her, as though silently asking why she was there.

"I could really use some help on the Transfiguration homework…would you mind?"

"Helping you?"

_Don't be sarcastic, don't be sarcastic. DON'T BE SARCASTIC. _

"Er, yes."

_Good Lily. _

"What are you working on?

"Trying to turn a cup of tea into a cat…"

"Oh, that is tricky." James replied.

_No duh. _

"Yeah…so could you help me? ...Please?"

_God Lily, could you sound any more pathetic? _

"Sure, I'll help."

She nodded, trying not to show how desperate she really was by demonstrating the immense gratitude she was feeling.

"Thank you."

He stood up and looked around the crowded common room for a place for them to work alone. Suddenly he spotted an empty table in the corner. He pointed.

"You go sit over there and I'll go grab my book and meet you in a second."

"Okay."

James dashed upstairs and Lily made her way over to the table he had pointed out. She sat rereading the section about the task, but it was still no help. She twirled her hair with her finger as she read and reread the text. She briefly wondered what could be taking him so long. Then, remembering it was James, she realized he probably couldn't find his book in his undoubtedly messy room.

-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-

"Hey Lily."

James said, walking up from behind her. She jumped a little and he had to hold back a grin. She was kind of cute when she was skittish…

"Geez." She gasped.

"Sorry." He said sheepishly. She paused for a moment.

"It's fine." Her tone didn't completely support the statement, but James knew not to push it.

"So," he said, sitting down, "do you have any of it?"

She shook her head, an abashed look on her face.

"Don't worry. It took me a while too."

"Great," she muttered- most likely meaning for it to be too quiet for him to hear, "So how long is it going to take me…?"

He paused, but decided he probably shouldn't say anything. He wasn't sure what she'd do if he replied when she hadn't been talking to him.

"So, what you do is say 'Callidolleta,' then wave your wand in a star shape." James said, unknowingly making it sound simpler than it was.

"I've been doing that!"

_Then why aren't you getting it? _

"Are you sure?"

"Of course I'm sure!"

_So you're not getting it because of what then? No James…be nice. Be gentle. Don't piss her off. An angry Lily is a bad thing; you of all people should know that… _

"Well, why don't you let me see?"

She pulled out her wand and pointed it at the glass of tea.

"Calladolleta!" She cried, and waved her wand in a weird deformed shape.

_Oh Merlin…I hope she doesn't hurt me when I tell her she's completely wrong... _

"Erm…"

"What?!" She cried out in reply, sounding borderline livid.

"Well, you're sort of saying it wrong."

She frowned.

"It's not 'Calladolleta'?"

"It's 'Callidolleta'. There's an i after 'call.'"

"I wasn't saying that?" He shook his head. "Oh…"

"And…" He trailed off, too fearful to continue.

She frowned again.

"What now?" she whined in despair.

He had to keep from smiling; she was so cute when she got all upset! Particularly when she wasn't upset with him. But, for some reason, he didn't think she'd like it if he smiled when she was so distraught.

"You're not waving your wand in the right shape."

"I'm not?"

"You're not."

"Well how…?"

He picked up his wand and demonstrated slowly. She took hers and tried to mimic his motions. It didn't work.

"Er…"

"Still?"

"Yeah…"

"Let me see again." She said, sounding determined but frustrated.

He showed her again, naming his directions as he went, moving painfully slow. She tried again, but somehow it was worse. Transfiguration really wasn't her thing…How else could he help her and survive to tell the tale? He inwardly groaned when he realized the only way.

"Okay, I want to try something. But, don't hurt me."

She looked at him hard but curiously.

"Let me move your arm for you."

She frowned slightly (why was she always frowning around him?) but nodded. He stood up and went behind her. He leaned over and was overwhelmed by her sweet smell. She smelled like vanilla.

_Concentrate! Ignore how nice it is to be this close to Lily! Concentrate! Maybe she'll actually give you a chance if you don't screw this up. _

His hand reached out for hers, his palm covering the back of her hand. Her hand felt small, warm, and soft in his. The length of his arm was hovering mere centimeters over hers, and his face was only slightly further away from the side of hers. He felt friction pulsing through the space between them. He gingerly and slowly moved her hand (and thus her wand which was in her hand) in the proper motion. He paused when he was done, and then spoke.

"One more time then you can try on your own."

He led her through the motions again, sad that in mere moments he would have to remove his hand from hers. But what made him even sadder was how grateful he knew she'd be for the lack of contact. How could something feel so good and nice for one person, and so awful and torturous for another? What he didn't know, what he couldn't know, was that it wasn't torturous for her.

"Okay, Lily." He said as he pulled away his arm, standing back up and removing himself (reluctantly) from Lily's personal space, "You try now."

She nodded and pointed her wand at the cup again. Was it just him or was her arm shaking a little? He shook his head; he must be seeing things.

"Callidolleta," she said softly as she moved her wand just as James had shown her.

Then, just like that, the glass of tea became a very pretty tabby cat. James couldn't help but notice the red in its coat bore a close resemblance to the color of Lily's hair.

"Perfect," he said.

She grinned and then turned around in her chair to face him.

"Thank you... I really appreciate it."

He nodded.

"Anytime."

She nodded, then turned around and picked up her book and the cat. She stood and faced him again.

"Thanks again."

He nodded. Then she walked away back to Maddy. James wasn't sure whether he should grin or frown. On one hand, he hadn't screwed it up. She'd been happy for his help and had thanked him with a smile. That had to mean something…right? But on the other, he had no guarantee her kind behavior towards him would continue, and much to his dismay- all evidence pointed that it wouldn't. Yes, James wasn't sure how to react to this at all…

-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-

"See, that wasn't that bad, was it?" Maddy asked (far too condescendingly in Lily's opinion) as Lily returned to the table she and Maddy had been sharing earlier.

"Eh…"

"You're in one piece."

"True."

"There wasn't any yelling."

"Well, yeah."

"You guys were fractions of centimeters away from each other and he has no scars."

"Good point…but we weren't _that_ close."

"And…you smiled," Maddy continued, ignoring Lily's second comment.

"I did?"

There wasn't anything wrong with her smiling around James, although it was most definitely unusual. It was just she hadn't realized she smiled…which meant she had smiled naturally- instinctively. She had smiled because she was happy; because James had made her happy. James had made her many things in the past (angry being the most prevalent) - but she couldn't ever recall a time when they'd gotten along well enough for him to make her happy.

"You did. Multiple times."

"Huh."

"Yeah…I guess you're coming around."

"'Coming around'?" Lily asked incredulously, "Look- maybe I was able to be with him for ten minutes or so without having the urge to strangle him. And, maybe that was a first. But…I wouldn't say I'm 'coming around.' We're getting along. Being friendly… But I don't fancy him," Lily finished firmly, nodding her head in a sudden harsh movement.

"Um, Lily?"

"What?" she snapped.

"I never claimed that you fancied him…"

"But, you said-"

"I said you were coming around. As in starting to see that he's a decent human being…You were the one who said the thing about liking him…"

"It was a misinterpretation," Lily said, trying to sound firm but coming off like an injured protesting puppy.

"Yeah," Maddy replied- not even attempting to sound convinced.

"Oh, don't believe me. See what I care."

Maddy shrugged, not wanting to get into an argument.

"I'm going upstairs to finish my homework," Lily said.

"Okay."

Lily picked up her books and halfway stalked upstairs to their dormitory. Maddy shook her head. What had all that been about? Maddy sort of understood where Lily had gotten the misinterpretation- but Lily would generally try to assume that someone meant anything but that. So why had that been the first thing that popped in her mind? Maybe Lily was beginning to see James in a different light…maybe even a different one than Maddy had expected (or more of hoped) Lily to change to.

But, something was wrong…Lily was too stubborn to have her mind changed by something so trivial. Yes, Lily was in desperate need of aid in Transfiguration, but Maddy knew Lily didn't see herself as desperate as she actually was. It would take more than James agreeing to help Lily with some homework for her to change her opinion of him even a decimeter. So what had happened?

If Maddy was logical, she would stop to decide whether or not Lily's opinion of James had actually changed. And if Maddy was as observant as she believed, she would realize that it had not. She would have realized that Lily was just appreciative of James' help, and ecstatic to have finally mastered the spell. But, Maddy was not being logical at the moment, nor was she being observant. She was being somewhat thoughtless and quite paranoid, so she did something stupid.

-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-

"Hello boys." A feminine voice rang from her standing position at the side of their huddle.

The four boys, the Marauders, looked up in unison. Sirius, Remus, and Peter all smiled but James' brow furrowed. He had a suspicion that she wasn't there to just hang out. Whatever she wanted, it had to do with Lily. And whatever the matter was, it had not left Maddy feeling pleasant.

"James, I have a question for you."

"Shoot."

"Why is Lily suddenly acting so differently?"

James cocked his head to the side so she continued.

"I mean, she's in one mood when she goes over to talk to you, she's in a completely different mood when she's over at that table with you, and in yet another mood when she walks away from said table."

_Was she really? _He hadn't noticed…

"McNeill, what are you on?"

"I'm not on anything, _Potter._"

"Well, where else have you gotten these weird crazy ideas from?"

"They're not that weird. Or crazy…Lily's acting differently and I want to know why."

"She was probably just frustrated, then happy for the help- but still frustrated she couldn't get the spell, and then really happy she finally got the spell…I highly doubt there was anything else to it."

There was silence as Maddy realized as James was right. The Marauders tried to hide their smirks as a pale blush covered her face. She shook her head slightly, a (transparent) cool look spreading across her face.

"Whatever you say…but if I find out you put a spell on her…you're dead."

James scoffed.

"What kind of spell would I put on Lily?"

Maddy shrugged,

"A love spell?"

James' face grew red with anger, as he felt fury pulsing through his veins. The other Marauders winced and they leaned back in their seats a little, as if to brace themselves. They knew what was coming. Maddy seemed to sense it, as her face changed ever so slightly- but she gave no other signs of expectation.

"_How dare you!_"

He heard her gulp, and he tried not to wince.

"I may be many things, but I am _not_ the kind of guy who would put a love spell on a girl he fancied. And I would most particularly not put one on Lily of all people. Yes, I want Lily to fall for me, or give me a chance at the very least. But, I want her to do it of her own free will. It wouldn't mean anything if she didn't choose to. I want her to fancy me back, and I mean truly fancy me back- and no love spell could do that."

Maddy frowned. No doubt she hadn't realized James' feelings were so serious. She had probably assumed, as Lily had, that the whole thing was just some game.

"I…I'm sorry. I shouldn't have accused you like that. Especially when I had no proof…"

"You're right. You shouldn't have." Remus gave him a pointed look. "But…all is forgiven," he finished reluctantly.

She smiled, relieved.

"Good," she made to walk away, but paused and turned back, "You know James- if you could get Lily to realize your feelings for her are sincere, like you just made me realize, I think you could have more than a chance with her."

James grinned, if her best friend said there was hope…there had to be! She smiled back at him and walked away, stopping at a table to pick up her books before she disappeared up the staircase to the girls' dormitories.

"Girls," Sirius scoffed, "They always over analyze things."

"Not to mention they always jump to conclusions." Remus added.

"Yeah, but-" and James reclined in his seat, a goofy grin still evident in his expression, "can you imagine life without them?"

Silence.

"Yeah, me neither."

* * *

**Major thanks, by the way, to** wicked. wictchy_. princess_ **who was incredibly helpful with this chapter (although she's always helpful) and who was kind enough to make some grammar corrections, help me with some wordings, and just give her opinion on the chapter in general!**

**That's it for now...please be as kind as so many of you were for the last chapter and review!**


	11. Beliefs And Writings

AN: Hey guys...it's me I didn't update as soon as I meant to...I've just been virtually computerless because my computer suffered a tragic accident. I'm getting a new one soon, hopefully as soon as next week- but we'll see. Wow...I kept apologizing and then I realized it was only a little over a week ago that I last updated. This is actually really good for me. Sorry that I couldn't get more into this chapter (it's shorter than the last chapter by about a couple hundred words) but I really was limited by where I (very recently) decided I wanted this chapter to end.

Anywho: kudos to for coming up with the first question in the first letter, and cheers to **Draco Lovers of Tomorrow** for guessing the answer when the question first appeared in the last chapter. You win a virtual cookie! YUM!

* * *

September 2013: Edited/tweaked. See AN in Chapter One for details.

* * *

Dear Emerald,

Well, take comfort in the fact that you weren't the only one shaking. I saw many of our fellow classmates shaking as well, and no- I was not one of them. Okay, I might have been scared, but only just a little bit- _maybe_. Oh, and I've noticed that it always rains on the first day of term, well almost always. I mean four out of six years...those are some ridiculous numbers when compared to the odds.

For the record: I'm very sorry things didn't work out for you and your friends. And…I think they really missed out.

C'mon admit it, you hate the Marauders. Don't try and tell me any of this "I don't hate them, they're just not my favorite people" bullshit- because it's just that, bullshit. And you know I'm right...Course, I'm always right!

As for our bet: you're on.

It's a comfort to know someone doesn't find me pathetic. It's not my fault I've found the perfect girl and my friend's haven't…And it's not my fault that I happen to be ready to be with said girl and she's not ready to be with me. Oh, and I'll have you know, I am not a creep. Although I know you said you didn't think I was- but, I just thought I'd confirm it.

Oh… you hate him. Don't you? You really do. I mean "unsufferable brat," "walks about this school as if it's his property," "most likely to start trouble," and "don't even get me started on his ego." And you said that was you restrained. If that isn't hatred: I don't know what is…has anyone ever told you it's unhealthy to hate?

YQ: What's your favorite flower?

MA: Lilies. I love Lilies. They're the prettiest flower I've ever seen. They stand out among the rest of the flowers…they can vary so much…I love Lilies.

And damn you for making me give you such a sappy, girly answer to such a girly question.

MQ: Yes, I know- it's the most cliché question ever, but…what's your favorite color?

MA: Green. A dark, rich green…Although red is a close second.

Your friend,

Raven

-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-

"LILY!" Maddy called, as she ran up the stairs to their dorm two by two. "LILY!"

A head popped out of their dorm room, peering out at her around the doorframe as Maddy came full force towards her. The redhead's eyes widened when she realized Maddy had gained too much momentum to stop and she quickly backed up out of the doorway. Maddy passed through the doorway, grabbing onto the doorframe as she came through which made her veer a sharp left but enabled her to stop. Finally still, Maddy bent over, her hands on her knees as she wheezed trying to catch her breath. She tried to speak, but found herself unable.

Seeing her actions, Lily shook her head and said, "Wait."

Maddy continued to wheeze in and out, and Lily walked over to her bed- sitting on the edge of it. Finally, Maddy stood up, having mostly returned to breathing like normal. She walked over to her best friend's bed, and sat next to her on it. Her eyes quickly darted around and she saw their roommates were not in the room.

"You'll never guess what happened!" Maddy exclaimed, trying to hold back a squeal.

"Must have been something big to put you in the state you're in."

"It was!"

"Well, what was it?"

"Guess." Lily opened her mouth but Maddy shook her head and cut her off, "Never mind you could never guess!"

Lily rolled her eyes, but she wore a smile on her face.

"So," Lily prompted, "What happened?"

"James likes you!"

Lily stared in her disbelief.

"That's the big news?" She scoffed, "He's has been telling me that for ages….but we both know it's not true, it's-"

"Just a game." Maddy finished for her.

"Exactly!"

"See, before I agreed with you, but now…"

"Oh come on Maddy!"

"Seriously Lily, he really does like you!"

"That's just what he wants us to believe Maddy! He has some plan, I know it- and I'm not going to let him win!"

"But it's not a plan!"

Lily sighed.

"Look, what happened to convince you of this, huh?"

"Well, I thought you were acting really funny-"

Lily rolled her eyes again. Maddy ignored her.

"So, I went over to talk to them. I asked why you were acting so funny, saying how you were in one mood before you asked for help, in a different mood while he was helping you, and yet another mood when you walked away. And James replied saying stuff that admittedly makes sense. And I was kind of embarrassed for jumping to conclusions-"

Maddy paused and took a huge breath.

"And so I told him that if I found out he put a spell on you he was in big trouble. And he asked me what type of spell I thought he'd put on you, and I suggested a love spell…and he got _really_ pissy at that thought. He started ranting about how he would never put a love spell on you, because yes he likes you but he wants you to genuinely like him back. And he said that he does want you to give him a chance, but of your own free will. He said it wouldn't mean anything if you fell for him or gave him a real chance unless you were uninhibited to do so…And Lily, all that could only come out of the mouth of someone with _true_ feelings for someone else."

Lily was silent, and Maddy allowed her hopes to be raised that her words had soaked in.

"Well, I suppose he's an even better actor than I thought." Lily replied slowly.

Maddy groaned. She knew her friend was stubborn, but she hadn't realized the depth to which her stubbornness was. Although, thinking about it, she realized Lily was probably only this stubborn when it came to James Potter.

"Lily…why won't you open your mind a little bit when it comes to him, huh? You're always open to new ideas…but it when it comes to James…you won't listen to reason."

"C'mon Maddy. Can you blame me? This is _James Potter_ we're talking about."

"Yeah, James Potter. One of the sweetest, cutest, smartest guys in our class- assuming he isn't number one- which I'm not so sure he isn't. And Lily, the thing is, he's head over heels for you. And he has been for a while now. And his feelings have never failed despite how miserably you've been treating him. There isn't anyone in our year that deserves a fair chance more than him. And Lily, you're the only one he cares about getting a chance from…So think about it."

And with that, Maddy stood up and walked out of the room, never looking back. Lily sat there, her eyes wide with surprise. Maddy had never spoken to her like that before…Maddy had never stood up for James before. Sure, she'd been friends with the Marauders- but she had never opposed Lily when Lily went on one of her James rants. So why was now so different?

-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-

_Dear Diary…_

Has the world turned upside down? Is it opposite day and no one remembered to tell me? Something must be going on, because otherwise I have no explanation for today, well- the past hour or so at least. I mean, James Potter _nice, _and _helpful?_ Maddy standing up for _him?_ Something is seriously wrong in this world…

Maddy doesn't understand why I don't like him. She thinks I'm being silly, and stubborn. But, it's complicated. I can't just let go of all these feelings…I mean, it's James bloody Potter! He…He…ARGH! Simply talking about him makes my blood boil…I mean, it's not like I enjoy hating him, and not being able to get along with him. I hate conflict, it's just it always arises whenever James Potter is around, whether he's actually in front of me- or he's the subject of conversation.

I'm sure you're wondering why I don't like him, and while I've told you don't... I've never told you why before- have I? Probably because it's not simple. Sure, I have my reasons, but so many of them are hard to put into words. However, I'll do my best…

First off, he's arrogant. He prances around the school like it's his own personal playground- and his fellow students are his personal playthings. He thinks he's the best thing ever to happen to Hogwarts. And…he doesn't take anything seriously. He never does his homework, and the days he does come to class he sits in the back and goofs off- talking loudly and throwing paper balls and airplanes. And, he's such a prankster. He pulls pranks on innocent people, and they can be so hurtful! Sure, sometimes the people he pulls pranks on deserve it, but who gave him the authority to dish out their retribution?

He doesn't work to get good grades. He rarely does his homework, he doesn't even come to class every day, he doesn't study…but his grades are almost as high as mine! It's not fair! And…he's stubborn! He won't stop asking me out! Why doesn't he get that no means no? He has no sense of personal grooming- his hair stands up every which way (some say it's natural, and maybe it is- but if he brushed it, and stopped running his hands through it…) and he always smells! He says it's because of Quidditch and granted it's always after practice, but hello! It's called showering! And deodorant! Seriously! And…he's unorganized, you should see the inside of his bag! He has rolls of parchment everywhere and they're all bent and some have stains on them…it takes him forever to find what he's looking for…

Ok…I think I'll stop now…Mainly because otherwise I could go on forever…but also because I just got a letter from my pen pal…Now there's a good guy. Sweet, funny, and smart. He's the guy who deserves a chance, not bloody James Potter. I mean, what has Potter ever done for me? Exactly, nothing (well okay, maybe he helped me on my homework...but that doesn't make up for everything else). However, Raven is always there to listen to my problems, and he's so easy to talk to. And I know I can trust him…

- Lily

Lily sighed as she signed her name, and then closed the diary. She then walked over to her bed, and opened her trunk which sat at the foot of it. She opened it up, and reached around feeling for the compartment she was looking for. She found it, and muttered a password under her breath. Suddenly, the secret (and magical) compartment opened up and she slid her diary in it. She then closed the compartment back up and closed the lid of her trunk with a slam.

Then she walked over to the window and let the bird fly in. She followed it to its landing spot, and untied the parchment from its leg. She leaned over her desk to grab a treat out of the jar she kept. She tossed it over the owl, who snapped it out of the air in one swift motion. Then, the owl took off back out through the open window.

With a smile on her face as she recognized the scrawl on the outside, she walked over to her bed. She laid down and hastily opened the letter, eager to read the latest of what her pen pal had to say…And ten minutes later, Lily was sitting at her desk composing a letter back to her pen pal…

Dear Raven,

You always seem to send me letters at the perfect time. Whenever I'm in a rotten mood, there's a knock at my window and there's an owl holding your latest letter. And your letters always manage to cheer me up. It's so nice to have a friend who's so removed from all the daily (not to mention petty) drama that fill my days far too often. We haven't even been writing four months yet, but your friendship has come to mean so much to me.

But, on a less sappy note…

Oh, you were scared. You were terrified. And I bet you were one of the students shaking…Come on, admit it. I won't tell anyone…Not that I could, but eventually, when I know who you are: I won't tell anyone.

Thank you, for saying they missed out, that was sweet. And it made me feel a little better about the whole thing. Although, again, I don't worry about it much anymore. And the only reason I say that is because we've been talking about this for a few letters now.

I really don't hate the Marauders! I mean, true if I hated anyone: it would be them. But I don't hate anyone, which means I don't hate them. And, I try not to dislike them as much as I do…it's just hard when they pull the immature crap they do. And, yes, James Potter is probably my least favorite Marauder: but he isn't too terrible. Honest!

Oh, I never said you weren't pathetic. I just said your feelings weren't pathetic. **:P** I kid, I kid. Mostly…

YQ: Yes, I know- it's the most cliché question ever, but…what's your favorite color?

MA: You're right, it is a cliché question. But, my favorite color is red. I only wish I could wear it more, it clashes horribly with my complexion. At least I can take comfort in the fact that I can wear it as long as I wear other colors with it.

MQ: I didn't want to return to the topic…but I can't help but be curious…What happened to your sister?

MA: Well, the question really doesn't apply to me. Because my sister is still alive. And while she can be a pain, I'm grateful for that.

Your friend,

Emerald

And with that, Lily sent the letter off. Then, after she yawned a couple of times, she realized she was exhausted. And thus, she went to bed. Lily never heard Maddy return to the room about half an hour after she fell into a deep slumber. And she'd never know what Maddy had been doing while she was alone in the room after Maddy had left.

-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-

"Look, all I'm saying is that Lily's pretty close-minded when it comes to James. I can't see her changing her mind."

"Well, then it's a shame James can't change his mind and stop thinking about her."

Maddy sighed, frustrated at the situation; and Remus frowned as a sign of his own frustration. The two were situated in a secluded corner of the common room talking about the "Lily and James situation." Maddy kept telling Remus there was no hope, but Remus- the loyal and determined friend he was, kept saying there had to be something they could do. Remus didn't understand how stubborn Lily was when it came to the subject of James Potter. And Maddy didn't understand how determined James was that one day he would win Lily's affections.

"Seriously Maddy, there has to be something that could change her mind."

"I wish there was…but sadly I don't think there is."

"James has tried everything he could think of, and each idea is getting more and more stupid and ill-fated."

"I'm sorry, but I have nothing."

"You're her best friend, you know her better than anyone! Surely you…"

"But I can't! And even if I could, I'm not sure I should. I mean, James is my friend. And I know he's not as bad as Lily thinks he is. But as her best friend, don't I have some loyalty to her to not connive against her in relations to James?"

"But you'd be doing it for her own good!"

"But she wouldn't believe that."

"Eventually-"

"I'm not sure James and Lily will ever have an 'eventually.'"

"I give up." Remus said, throwing his hands in the air. Maddy smiled a wry smile and opened her mouth to reply, but Remus cut her off. "I'll find a way…but clearly you aren't going to be part of the solution."

"I'm sorry. But…"

Remus sighed, and ran a hand through his sandy-colored hair.

"I understand…and thanks for trying." Maddy nodded, and he stood up. "'Night Maddy."

"Goodnight Remus."

And then Remus left their corner and went up to the dorm room he shared with his fellow Marauders. He opened the door, and stopped frozen in the doorway. James was dancing around the room (in only his boxers mind you) shouting with glee. Remus had walked into the dorm room to discover many strange sights over the years, and this certainly wasn't the strangest…but Remus couldn't figure out why James was so happy.

"Er, Prongs?"

James stopped in mid-dance, and turned so he was facing Remus. His face was lit up like a kid at Christmas, and he clutched a piece of parchment (that now looked slightly wrinkled) in his hand. Remus shook his head and walked into the room and closed the door behind him. He opened his mouth to speak, but then stopped himself and shut it again. Then he tried again, but then stopped. Finally, he managed to get the right words…

"What the bloody hell are you doing?"

James grinned.

"Dancing."

"Why?"

"'Cause I'm happy."

"You're insane."

"With happiness."

"But, why?"

James opened his mouth to reply, but Sirius cut him off. Up until that point Remus had not realized they weren't alone. But now he saw that Sirius was lying on his bed with his head propped on his arms (it appeared he had been watching James in amusement) and Peter was also laying on his.

"It's no use Moony, I've tried."

Remus turned his head back to James and began to talk slowly.

"Why are you so happy James?"

"I got a letter from my pen pal!"

"And you haven't been getting letters before this?"

"No, I have."

"Have you been happy-dancing after you received every letter?" James shook his head. "So why are you happy-dancing now?"

James' grin returned.

"Because this letter was the best yet."

"Why?"

"Because I now know who my pen pal is."

* * *

**Oh, I'm evil aren't I? Well, if you want to find out if he REALLY knows who his pen pal is...review!**


	12. Convincing Arguements and Realizations

**AN:** Well, I must admit, it was quite funny to see all of your reviews after the last chapter. I know I was completely evil to leave you with that cliffhanger, but a girl has to do what a girl has to do. And I made a point of updating soon this time...

I know the last chapter left you with a lot of questions, and I think this chapter should help answer most of those. **_The only thing I didn't address is the diary entry_**, I received a comment from someone about how they thought that might be too much. And I understand that (and I agree, to an extent) but I never intended on making that a regular thing. I won't say it was a one time thing, because there's one incident later on that I may bring it back for- but otherwise it's not going to come up again. I just used it as a tool to see Lily's opinions completely uncensored. Also, _**regarding Lily's feelings towards James**_, as many of you know- hatred or intense dislike tends to build up. And eventually it becomes so overwhelming it's impossible to see straight. And in this story that's what's happened to Lily. Don't worry though, because while she may not realize it yet, her feelings aren't that simple.

Oh, and **for the record**, the "inner mutiny" comment was half-inspired by this (really good) LJ oneshot I read. It's called "Mutiny!" and it's by kneazleFTW, it's one of many oneshots I have in my LJ Oneshot C2.

Lastly, this chapter is my absolutely longest yet! YAY ME!

* * *

September 2013: Edited/tweaked. See AN in Chapter One for details.

* * *

Dear Emerald,

I'm glad to hear that my letters are a bright spot in your cloudy days. I must admit, your letters hold the same place in my life. I've really come to hold your letters dear to my heart, and our relationship holds a similar place. Geez, I sound like a sappy girl- don't I? I just meant that your friendship has come to mean a lot to me…Our relationship is so different from others…And I've never before been able to talk to a girl the way I can talk to you.

But enough of all the touchy-feely stuff…I'm a guy. A manly guy. Or a manly man. Take your pick. Point being- I don't really deal with this feely stuff…maybe that's why all my close friends are guys. And why my relationships with girls don't tend to go too swell…I wonder if I'm romantically challenged.

I was most definitely not scared! Or shaking! Okay, maybe a little bit…but just a _tiny_ little bit. However, if you tell anyone- I will deny it. And disown you. Well okay, maybe I won't disown you. But, you will regret telling anyone. Even though I'll see to it that they never believe you.

Yes, I am a sweet guy- aren't I?…And make sure you remember that.

I'm glad to hear you don't hate the Marauders. Hatred makes even the prettiest, most attractive girl appear ugly. And it's tough bottling those feelings inside. So, I'm glad you don't have those feelings. You'll be much better off for it.

…Do you really think I'm pathetic? Really?

I'm sorry I asked "the most cliché question ever." I had my reasons…and maybe those reasons were because I lacked 'creative juices' (as you put it) at the moment. But you won't hold it against me. Will you?

YQ: I didn't want to return to the topic…but I can't help but be curious…What happened to your sister?

MA: I had a feeling this was going to come up again…My sister…Well, first off, she was younger than me by almost three years, and as I said before- we lost her about a year before I came to Hogwarts. Her name was…well, we'll call her Rebecca. She…she was amazing. I adored her, I really did. I always looked out for her, tried to keep her safe. But, in the end, I failed. I failed her. And that's why she's dead…Merlin, dead. Using that word in relation to her still unnerves me.

Sorry, this is just…well, it's hard to talk about. I know it's been about seven years now…but just the thought of her and her death…It's hard to think about. Anyways, I'll try. Because you asked, and I don't want to keep anything from you... She was playing out by the creek. I always warned her about where to play. I showed her the safe spots and the spots that she was supposed to stay out of. I always went and watched her, but sometimes I turned my back; and when I turned around there she'd be, right where I told her not to be.

I'd always scold her, and she'd pout but she'd apologize and swear not to do it again. Then one day, she wanted to play and I didn't feel like traipsing out to watch her. I figured she was getting old enough not to need supervision, and Mum and Dad had told me I didn't need to feel obligated to watch her all the time. So, I let her go by herself. She was sad I wouldn't go with her, but I told her she'd be fine…I wish…I wish a lot of things. I wish I had gone with her. I wish nothing had happened. I wish I had heard her scream. I wish she had listened to me when I told her not to play in the dangerous spots. I wish I hadn't been the one to find her, lying on the river bed, blood pooled around her head on the rocks. I wish it hadn't been too late when I did. I wish…I wish I could have my sister back.

MQ: Let's get on a lighter topic, because as I said, talking about my sister is hard. How about…hm…I know! What's your favorite thing about Muggles?

MA: I love their crazy inventions. Like the fellyfone. It's really cool! It transmits voices and stuff, and people can talk instantly to anyone else as long as the other person as the fone and the number. It seems a little simpler than Floo Calls, and it doesn't require squatting with your head in a fire.

Your friend,

Raven

-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-

"Why are you so happy James?" Remus asked slowly.

"I got a letter from my pen pal!" James exclaimed, still frozen in his happy dance.

"And you haven't been getting letters before this?"

"No, I have."

"Have you been happy-dancing after you received every letter?" James shook his head. "So why are you happy-dancing now?"

James' grin returned.

"Because this letter was the best yet."

"Why?"

"Because I now know who my pen pal is."

"You what?!"

"I. Know. Who. My. Pen. Pal. Is."

"Oh, I heard what you said! I just…I can't...how?"

"I figured it out!"

"How?"

"Clues, they were everywhere. And this last letter cinched it."

"Well, who's your pen pal then?" Remus asked with a slight sigh.

James' grin returned, even wider.

"Lily Evans."

And at that precise moment, Sirius and Remus burst out into heavy laughter followed a mere half of a second later by Peter. Sirius laughed so hard he fell off the bed, and Remus became so shaky he had to grab onto the post of the nearest bed to keep him upright. Peter turned red in the face, and at the sight of that Remus started laughing even harder and he almost choked. James stood there, in the center of the room surrounded by the beds and his howling friends with a dejected look on his face. And there James stood for a few minutes as his friends tried to contain their laughter.

Finally, they were mostly calm, although slightly out of breath. Remus rubbed at his eyes to wipe the tears away, and Sirius stood up and tried to gracefully, but failing miserably, get back to his former position on his bed. Remus opened his mouth to speak, but then a laugh escaped. He quickly clamped his hand over his mouth and waited a moment before removing it. James' glare hardened, and he made a point of glaring at all three of his friends.

"You three are a bunch of hyenas." He muttered.

Sirius shot him an apologetic grin.

"Sorry, Prongs." He said.

"Me too." Peter said.

"Me three." Remus added.

"I don't see what was so funny." James said in a pouty voice.

"It's just…Lily Evans as your pen pal? C'mon James! The chances are like…"

"One hundred percent, because she is!"

Remus rolled his eyes.

"What makes you say so?"

"All the signs point to it."

"Prove it," Sirius said, jumping in, "If you're so sure, prove it. Convince us."

James nodded.

"Fine."

With a raised eyebrow Remus walked over to his own bed and flopped on it. He watched with his head propped up on his arms as James crossed the room to his trunk which sat at the foot of his bed. He opened it and began digging through it, throwing out various objects as he searched for…well, whatever he was searching for. A shirt thrown one way, a pair of trousers another, a Gryffindor scarf tossed another, and another shirt thrown at the precise angle that caused it to land on Sirius' head.

Remus and Peter stifled a giggle as Sirius pulled off the shirt with a glare on his face. As he went to toss it back in James' general direction he noticed a stain and grimaced slightly before he threw it. James was completely oblivious. He merely kept discarding things from his trunk until…

"There!" he exclaimed, straightening up with a box in his hands.

Remus raised his eyebrow again.

"Er, Prongs…what's with the box?"

"All my letters from Lily."

"From your pen pal." Said Remus gently.

"Who is Lily."

Sirius rolled his eyes in Remus' direction, and Remus nodded. Once again, James didn't notice. He sat down the box ear the end his bed and opened it, pulling out a piece of parchment. He held it up in his hand for them all to see.

"This is letter number one from Lily…I shall now present to you the extensive evidence...Evidence A: my pen pal is Muggleborn. Lily's Muggleborn. Evidence B: my pen pal has a sister who isn't magical. Lily has a muggle sister too, her name is Petunia-"

"How do you know that?" Remus asked.

"Heard Lily talking about her."

"So…how can you have remembered this "evidence?" How long have you suspected it's Lily?"

"Ever since my pen pal said she hated me."

Sirius laughed.

"Said she hated you-her pen pal, or hated you James?" Remus asked.

"Hated me- James, she likes me- her pen pal."

"I see…Well, keep going."

James nodded, and looked down at the letter.

"Say, Sirius…how would you describe Lily's eyes?"

Confusion covered Sirius' face, and he answered slowly.

"Well, Moony calls them 'emerald green.' That's how Evans describes 'em too, I think."

"Exactly. Which brings me to Evidence C: her pen name is Emerald."

Remus was surprised…maybe there was some support to James' belief after all. James smirked, and picked up another letter. But Sirius cut him off, and Remus as well who was also about to protest.

"Who's to say your pen pal doesn't just like the emerald gem stone?" James ignored him. Remus, Sirius, and Peter all rolled their eyes.

"Evidence D: She enjoys school. Evidence E: 'There's this one person in particular who I cannot pretend to like.' " He paused and picked up another letter, scanning it quickly to remember what was on it. "Evidence F: my pen pal's father is a doctor. So is Lily's."

Remus opened his mouth to protest, but then he realized he had nothing. There was probably more than one female student at Hogwarts with a doctor for a father, but that didn't really hurt the odds of James' pen pal being Lily.

"Evidence G: Her favorite book, Pride and Prejudice."

Remus' eyes widened.

"How do you know that that's Lily's favorite book?"

"I didn't, until you just made that face. Now I do."

Remus shook his head. He was beginning to believe James might actually be right…But he couldn't be, right? It had to be just a coincidence…But James now had another letter and began to speak again.

"Evidence H: Her favorite class is Charms. So is Lily's, despite that Potions is her best." He picked up yet another letter, "Evidence I: She really disapproves of our pranks. And we all know how Lily feels about them…"

Remus, Sirius, and Peter nodded- they all knew all right…

"Evidence J: Her favorite professors are McGonagall and Slughorn. McGonagall is our Head of House, and she adores Lily so Lily likes her. And Slughorn is like Lily's number one fan or something-"

"Next to you," Sirius said,

James ignored him.

"And so she likes him because he treats her really well." James picked up another letter, "Evidence K: Out of all of us, the Marauders, Emerald (and Lily) hates me, James, the most. And, evidence L: her favorite animals are owls. And while I don't know the name of Lily's owl, it's a tawny color- and the name of 'Emerald's' owl is Tawny."

James picked up another letter.

"Wow, you really put a lot of thought in this." Sirius said,

"No kidding." Remus muttered.

"Evidence M: Emerald said she was "shaking in her boots" before the Sorting ceremony, and remember how scared Lily was?" The three boys nodded, they remembered. "Evidence N: when I asked her why she hated James Potter, she said the same things that Lily always says about me. She called me an 'insufferable brat' and well, you know the rest."

"Huge ego, no respect for others- treats them like they're his property, always starting trouble…" Sirius recited.

James frowned,

"Did you read the letter?"

Remus, Sirius, and Peter all burst out laughing. And Sirius managed to shake his head despite his tears of laughter. James glared.

"Sorry mate, it's just…it's so funny!" Sirius exclaimed,

"You know, if I were you, I wouldn't want this girl to be Lily. I mean, she's never expressed quite such a deep hatred of you before. And I have trouble believing that this girl, Emerald, will ever be willing to give you a fair chance. So, if Lily is Emerald-" Remus said, before he was cut off.

"You're screwed." Sirius finished.

James shook his head, making up his mind to ignore them.

"Anyway," he said, pausing, " Evidence O: her favorite flower is the sunflower. Lily loves sunflowers! And Evidence P: her favorite season is summer. So is Lily's!"

"While this all very interesting, and it's quite intriguing to wonder where you got all this information about Lily considering she rarely talks to you civilly, I'm wondering what exactly has you so convinced your pen pal is Lily. Because I have yet to hear anything that is so certain."

"Well, fine, here's my number one piece of evidence. Her favorite color is red. We all know that's Lily's favorite color- and it makes sense because she is a Gryffindor. And that's not all, she goes on to say 'I only wish I could wear it more, it clashes horribly with my complexion. At least I can take comfort in the fact that I can wear it as long as I wear other colors with it.' And of course Lily can't wear red because of her hair, and her complexion too. But, she will wear it sometimes when she dresses up for Quidditch matches and such because she's a Gryffindor! She just can't wear a lot of it at once!"

Silence took over the room. No one knew what to say. A smirk spread across James' face.

"Bloody hell," Remus said, "I think he's right."

"It's a miracle!" Sirius exclaimed, a mischievous glint in his eyes..

"Who knew he was so clever?" Peter joked.

"Thanks guys, I appreciate the support."

"Sorry Prongs, we just weren't expecting that you might be right…"

"I had suspicions, that's why I asked the favorite color question. I know what Lily's favorite color is. Although I admit, I didn't expect her answer to be so telling."

"That's the one thing that bothers me about all of this" Sirius said hesitantly, "Lily's so clever, how could she not figure out who you were? Or, how could she not realize how telling some of what she's said to you has been?"

"Well," Remus said slowly, trying to speak carefully, "I suppose it's because she's so stubborn. She'd never want to believe that James is her pen pal, so she wouldn't guess it. And none of that information was telling unless you put it all together. So it's understandable that she didn't realize she was being so revealing."

"So, you think I'm right!" James exclaimed.

"Amazingly, yes." Remus replied.

"What about you Sirius? And Peter?"

The pair nodded. James' grin returned. And then he started doing his happy dance again. Simultaneously, Remus, Sirius, and Peter all groaned. Their friend was a nut job.

-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-

_Splash! _

Lily screamed as she plunged into the cold murky water of the Hogwarts lake. She sank to the floor, and her left foot scraped the bottom before she began to rise again. She kicked, trying to reach the top and far too slowly her body rose. Then her head broke surface and she gasped before crying for help. She dunked back in, just a mere foot or so, before head rose above surface again.

Lily fought and kicked, trying to stay afloat. She shook her head, and some of the wet red strands of hair moved out of her eyes. She looked around and saw no one. But wait, there was a person standing on the dock several mere feet away that Lily had just fallen off of. If Lily was thinking clearly she would wonder how she had gotten so far away from the dock. Or wondered where the person had come from, for they most certainly hadn't been there when she fell in. Or she might have remembered that she could swim. However, Lily was petrfried, and her fear was not only clouding her mind it was practically freezing her stiff.

She called for help, but the person shook their head, their messy black hair shaking and briefly covering their face. She was submerged once again, and it felt as if something was pulling at her foot. Lily kicked harder, and she managed to get her head barely above the surface, her mouth at water level. She tilted her head back and begged for help from the stranger before gasping again for breath.

"Sorry, Lily." The figure called.

The voice sounded so familiar, where had she heard it before? A name danced on the tip of her tongue, but her mind was too foggy for her to make sense of anything.

"Please," she begged, as she felt another tug on her leg, "_Please._"

"Why should I Lily? After the way you've treated me?"

_James Potter._ He wouldn't save her? But why? Had she been _that_ terrible? Surely not…Another tug on her leg, and Lily no longer had the strength to fight. The word "please" formed on her lips, barely making it out before she allowed herself to be dragged to the bottom of the lake. And mere moments later, everything went black.

And with heavy labored breaths, Lily sat straight up- her eyes wide. _She was alive! She_ gasped, trying to slow her breathing and ease her racing heart. Slowly, her heart rate returned to normal and her breathing slowed back down. She shook her head, trying to dispel all the thoughts that plagued her mind.

"It was just a dream," she muttered, "just a dream. I'm fine, perfectly fine."

"What was just a dream?"

Lily jumped, and her head snapped to the left. Her eyes were wide as she took in her best friend.

"Maddy!" She shrieked, before clamping her hand over her mouth.

"Don't worry," Maddy said with a laugh, "Sarah, Maggie, and Emily are all up and gone."

Lily frowned.

"What time is it?"

"Almost nine I think."

"But, school…"

"It's Saturday, remember?"

"Oh. Right."

"So, what has you so jumpy?"

"Just a dream. Well, more of a nightmare, actually, but…"

"About what?"

Lily paused, but then she told her friend the story. Maddy nodded at the appropriate times, and made all of the apologetic noises, faces, gestures that were necessary for the situation. Finally, Lily ended the story telling Maddy of Lily's death in the dream and how the thing made no sense in the first place since Lily had learned to swim when she was six.

"Well, dreams don't generally make sense. It's just a bunch of images your brain put together to make a story. And often, it's the way your subconscious tells you things."

"And what exactly could my subconscious be saying by showing me drowning in the lake when I can swim?"

Maddy paused, and spoke her next few words slowly and carefully.

"I don't think it's so much about the drowning as it is James…"

Lily frowned in confusion.

"What makes you say that?"

"Well, I think deep down you feel badly for treating James the way you do because you know he doesn't deserve it."

_No, that couldn't be right…could it?_

"I'm not _that_ mean to him…am I?"

"Sometimes you are." Maddy said gently.

"I don't _try_ to be."

"I don't think you do. I think it's just become second nature for you." Lily nodded. "However," she continued, "that doesn't mean that's right."

Lily frowned. Maybe Maddy had a point…maybe she was too mean to him…

"But…" Lily started, and then stopped- not quite sure what she wanted to say after all.

"Look, maybe you just need to think it over. Think about how you treat him. And whether or not he deserves it. I mean, over the years- he hasn't done that many bad things to you specifically, has he?"

Lily frowned again, she really hoped Maddy was wrong about her treatment of James. But, unfortunately, her gut seemed to be agreeing with Maddy…and apparently so did her subconscious. _Just great,_ she thought, _internal mutiny!_

* * *

**Oh, by the way_. A quick (and important) note about the letter delivery_. Hogwarts owls are used to deliver the letters, which is what amounts to a good portion of the turnaround time. However, sometimes I've had their letters written, sent, and delivered immediately to work out some of the other logistics. Keep in mind though that the letters are generally received in the Great Hall, because other Houses couldn't receive letters in the dormitories (at least Slytherins couldn't...I'm not sure where the other House quarters are located...). So, yeah.**

And I hate to do this to you, but...I have exams coming up. Actually, they don't start till June 1st. But the few weeks leading up to exams are more stressful and busy than exam week itself at my school. Teachers cramming in stuff because they don't know how to plan properly (don't even get me started), projects assigned with too soon due dates, not to mention so many end of year things like banquets and ceremonies and concerts. I'm going to be amazingly busy for the next few weeks. Don't get me wrong, I will (hopefully) update in at least two weeks. But, if I don't, try to understand. I have _a lot_ on my plate. I'll update as soon as I can. I swear!

**I must admit I love your reviews. Especially when they're in a huge quantity (like for the last chapter). But mostly because I love reading your ideas on what could have happened, or what could still happen, or what you think is going to happen. You give me lots of ideas, and they're so funny sometimes! So, please, keep them coming!**


	13. Plans and Christmas Presents

AN: Oh dear...I really didn't think it was going to take me two weeks (well, almost two weeks) to update. At least, I was hoping it wouldn't. I'm sorry- it's just things are so busy. I'll do my best thing to get another chapter up real soon, but be patient with me.

* * *

September 2013: Edited/tweaked. See AN in Chapter One for details.

* * *

Dear Raven,

You didn't sound like a sappy girl. Oh, who am I kidding? Yes, you did. I kid, I kid! You merely sound sensitive, and that's a good thing. Girls tend to like a sensitive guy. But, you're right you know- our relationship is different. I have male friends, but none that are too close. I've had boyfriends, but we've never had the ability to regularly hold real conversations. I'm more honest with you than I am with any of my male friends, and at times even more than I am with my best friend. But don't ever tell her that.

Don't worry; I'm not questioning your masculinity. I'm sure you're very manly. And I doubt you're romantically challenged. Maybe you just haven't met the right girl yet.

You'd disown me, huh? Well, I warn you- if you do, you ought to be afraid of my response to that. You may think you're devious, but I have my ways. And it doesn't help that girls are naturally more devious.

And I don't think you're pathetic. It was a joke, I swear.

I find it hard to believe that you lacked "creative juices." But I suppose we all have our moments. And, that's an awfully silly thing to hold against you. Really Raven, you just keep needing reassurances- don't you?

I…I'm really sorry about your sister. That's terribly tragic, not to mention heartbreaking. But, you really shouldn't hold it against yourself. It wasn't your fault. You did everything you could to keep her safe. It sounds like you were a fantastic big brother. It sounds like she idolized you, and I can't blame her for it. Sadly, things like this happen. It's terrible, rotten, and totally unfair- but it happens. And no matter how much we wish we could prevent it, no matter how much we try to prevent it- things happen. We just have to do our best to keep them from happening, and try to move on afterwards. Of course, that doesn't make your loss any easier or assuage your guilt any better...but I hope my sympathies and condolences mean something.

YQ: What's your favorite thing about Muggles?

MA: First off- fellyfone? I think you mean telephone. Although that was a good try. And I do love the phone, but that's not my favorite thing about Muggles, nor are their "crazy inventions." I suppose my favorite thing is their simplicity. I grew up as a Muggle, and things were so much simpler then. I suppose part of it was because of my age, but not all of it. Things were just easier. People are born, they go to school, they get a job, get married, have kids, and die- all before they're a hundred. In our world, people live to be who knows how old and they can turn into animals at will, or turn into wolves once a month, or hide their houses, or fly on a broom. I mean, things are just so different, so complex.

MQ: What's your greatest regret?

MA: If you'd asked me two weeks ago, I'd have told you that my greatest regret was losing my close relationship with my sister. And that's still a major regret for me. But, lately…Well, I'd have to say that right now my foremost regret is that somewhere along the way I've become a person who's too quick to make assumptions, and too stubborn to let them go.

I can't believe we leave tomorrow for Christmas holidays. These past few months have passed so quickly. I hope your holidays are wonderful, try to write me even while we're on break, won't you?

Happy Holidays,

Emerald

-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-

"I hate Mondays." Sirius grumbled as he sat down across from Remus and James, and next to Peter in the Great Hall.

He leaned forward and grabbed as much food as he could to appease his stomach and to make up for the Monday blues he was currently suffering from. Remus shook his head at his friend as he eyed the piles of food Sirius was putting on his plate.

"Oh don't judge me just because I eat like a normal teenage boy, and you eat like an anorexic girl."

Remus made an indignant face, but Sirius turned his sights to James. James was sitting there, mute, as he played with his food and had a dreamy look on his face as he stared into space. Sirius looked to Remus and Peter , and asked pointedly,

"What's up with him?"

"What do you think is up?" Peter asked,

"Lily." Remus and Sirius said together.

Sirius turned back to James.

"You've spent two days grinning like an absolute idiot, this is getting old Prongs."

James was shaken from his daze by his friend's words.

"I can't help it. Nothing this good has ever happened to me before!"

"I still don't see what's so spectacular about it." Sirius said,

"I agree," Remus said, "She's your pen pal, so what?"

James looked at them like they were complete idiots.

"This changes everything!" he cried,

"Do you want Lily to know?" Peter asked,

"Of course not!"

"Then keep your voice down!" his friends cried in a whisper.

"Oh." He said, his voice lower now.

"So…" Remus prompted, "You were saying…"

"Oh, right. Well," he looked around, making sure Lily wasn't nearby, "Emerald likes Raven. Lily is Emerald, I am Raven. Therefore, Lily likes me. I just need to keep her liking me, so that eventually when we meet- she'll like me so much, she won't be able to help but like me, James."

"Do you mean like you as a person? Or do you mean fancy you?" Sirius asked,

"Both." James said with a grin.

"Ignoring that you have no proof that she fancies you the pen pal, and that I'm still not one hundred percent Lily is your pen pal. I must ask…and you're going to do this, how?" Remus asked, still not convinced of this plan.

"By being the most sensitive, caring, smartest, funniest, guy she's ever met. Well, written to."

Remus shook his head; he had a bad feeling about this…

"Er, Prongs…shouldn't there be more to the plan than that?" Sirius asked,

And now Sirius was trying to "help"...just great. This plan was officially doomed. Remus hoped Lily wouldn't injure James too severely when she found out who she had been writing to. When she found out that he had found out before she did. When she found that he had tried to manipulate her…Oh who was he kidding? Mere moments after Lily found out, Remus would be short one best friend.

"What do you mean?" James asked,

"Well…that's not much of a plan. It's just an idea. A plan has specific actions, details. Where are the actions? The details?" James frowned as he became submerged in thoughts. "Exactly. Which is why I think-"

"James, don't listen to him!" Remus broke in hurriedly.

Both friends turned to their usually quiet and reserved friend in surprise. Sirius looked indignant, and James looked confused.

"Why not?" Sirius cried,

"Yeah," James asked, "Why not?" He was more calm, but definitely confused by Remus' outburst.

"I'll put it this way: remember the last time we let Sirius plan something?"

James frowned at the memory, Peter winced, and Sirius glared at Remus.

"Moony, that was not my fault!" He cried,

Remus gave him a hard look.

"Oh, really?"

"She made me do it!"

"She did not."

"Did too."

"Sirius, do try to fight like the sixteen year old you are."

Sirius pouted, and Peter gave a slight snort of laughter at the expression.

"Sorry, Padfoot. But I'm afraid Moony is right. The last time you planned something, which also happened to be Lily related, well… I can't let that happen again. I have one shot, one. And I'm not going to screw it up this time."

Sirius glared at Remus for a moment, tossed James a quick glare, gave a quick "hmph," and stomped off. James frowned.

"I wasn't trying to make him mad…"

"He'll get over it." Peter said comfortingly.

Remus nodded his agreement, and tried to ignore the guilt that was growing in his stomach.

"Yeah, you're probably right." James said slowly. He paused, "So Moony, what do you think I should do? I mean you're friends with her…"

Remus hesitated.

"James…how do you think Lily is going to react to this?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I don't think she's going to be as thrilled as you were to find out that you're her pen pal. Especially if she's come to like you, Raven."

"Well, yeah…I guess."

Remus could tell he was depressing James, but this was something he had to hear.

"So, I think whatever you do- you need to do it without much scheming. Because if Lily finds out that you knew, and used it to your advantage…"

"Then we'll have to write a nice eulogy." Peter said.

Remus stifled a laugh. James pouted.

"I suppose you're right. But then what am I supposed to do?"

"What you've been doing. The more you talk, the more honest you are, the more you act like the person that we know you are, the more she'll come to like you. Because you've never shown her the real you, and if she sees who you really are…maybe she'll give you a chance after the shock wears off."

"You really think so?"

"I think there's a chance…just don't get your hopes too high."

But James was already out in la-la land before Remus could finish his sentence. Remus shook his head, James was certainly setting himself up for a heartbreak. But, he would be there to help him pick up the pieces, just as Sirius and Peter would. And he'd try not say "I told you so." But that didn't mean he'd succeed.

"Say, Moony." Peter said,

"Yeah, Wormtail?"

"Why Raven?"

"Say what?"

"He said his name was Raven, why'd he pick that?"

"I have no clue." Remus sighed, "I suggest you ask him, but you'll have to wait until he comes back to Planet Earth."

The two eyed their best friend, and shook their heads. James was definitely doomed for heartbreak.

-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-

"I can't believe Christmas Holiday starts tomorrow!" Celia squealed,

"I know; I can't wait!" Bridget gushed,

Lily laughed at the pair of them.

"C'mon Lily. Aren't you excited?"

"'Course I am." Lily said, "I'm just…distracted."

"Why? What's bothering you?"

Lily paused, hesitant to answer. She surveyed her friends carefully, before deciding she could trust them. So, she leaned forward and began to speak in a whisper.

"It's Potter."

"What about him?" Celia asked,

"Well, he's been acting funny all week." Lily said.

"You always say he acts odd." Bridget said pointedly,

"Yes, but now he's acting normal, well- normalish, which for him- is odd!"

Her friends giggled.

"What's he done?"

"Well for one thing, he hasn't asked me out."

"Isn't that a good thing?" Bridget asked,

"Of course, it's just unusual for him." She paused, "Also, he's been really polite. Opening doors for me and stuff, saying hello to me- even calling me by my first name."

"Anything else?"

"Well…" she hesitated, "He gave me a Christmas present."

"He did?" They exclaimed, and she nodded.

"What was it?" Celia asked,

"I don't know. I haven't opened it yet."

"Well open it!" They exclaimed.

"First off, it's not Christmas yet."

"So?" Lily ignored Bridget, and continued.

"Second off, I'm not sure I should have even accepted it. I mean- we're not friends or anything."

"But you already did, so it's too late for that." Bridget pointed out.

"Yeah, I guess."

"Lily, you can't return it to him now. That would be extremely rude."

"Yeah, I suppose."

"So open it!"

"When, now?"

"YES!" They both cried.

Lily laughed.

"Fine, we'll go up to my room." She said.

And so the Gryffindor and two Ravenclaws left their place underneath one of the big trees by the lake and went into the castle. They climbed up to Gryffindor Tower, and Lily gave the Fat Lady the password. She briefly remembered the first time she tried to bring Celia and Bridget into the Gryffindor dorms. It had taken a few minutes of persuasion before the Fat Lady had allowed them entry. But by now she had come to see that the two timid girls were no threat, and so she greeted them just as merrily as she did Lily.

They passed through the Common Room and bounded up the stairs to Lily's dorm. Lily swung the door open and quickly checked for people. The only person in the room was Maddy. Celia, Bridget, and Maddy gave formal greetings to one another- and Lily restrained herself from rolling her eyes at their childishness.

"What's up?" Maddy asked Lily.

Lily told Maddy how she had informed Celia and Bridget of James' odd behavior, and how he had given her a Christmas present.

"They told me to open it."

"I told you that and you wouldn't listen to me."

Lily grinned at her friend's jealously and indignance.

"Yes, but now that I've heard it three times I decided to listen." She said with a smirk, causing Maddy to roll her eyes.

She simply shook her head, and crossed the bedroom to her bed. She opened the trunk which sat at the foot and quickly extracted the present. She looked at her friends nervously, and they all nodded for her to simply do it. She sighed, sat down on the foot of her bed, and began to slowly unwrap the present.

"For Merlin's sake, Lily, it's okay to tear the paper off!" Maddy exclaimed.

Lily cracked a smile, but made no effort to hurry. Finally, the present was unwrapped, and on her lap sat a beautiful wooden box. Little flowers were carved all along the sides of it alternating with hearts. She smiled at the beauty of it. On the top, her name was etched into the wood in a curly script. She opened the box, and on top of some deep purple fabric lining sat a pure white lily. _Trust James to be cliché_, she thought.

Underneath the flower sat a piece of parchment, and she lifted up the lily in order to get to the piece of paper. At this point, her friends had approached her to get a better look at the box (they had all vocalized their admiration in intakes of breaths and exclamations of "oh!"). Now, they all climbed onto her bed and crowded behind her to read the parchment as she did.

_Dear Lily, _

_I know we're not really friends, but I wish we were. I also wish you didn't hate me. My resolution for the New Year is to become friends with you. I know you won't make it easy for me, but that doesn't mean I can't try, right? I know we have a bad history and all, but that doesn't mean we can't have a better future, right? _

_Just friends, Lily, that's all I ask. _

_Happy Christmas, _

_-James_

"Wow." Maddy said, and Celia and Bridget nodded their agreement. "I told you he wasn't so bad, Lily."

"Yeah, I guess." Lily said.

"You guess?" Maddy cried in disbelief.

"I don't know!" Lily cried in desperation. "I don't know what to make of him!"

"Oh, Lily," Maddy sighed.

"Certainly you can't find any devious plan in a letter like this." Celia said, fully aware of Lily's theory of James' usual treatment towards her.

"No."

"Which means he must want to be friends, right?" Bridget asked,

"I guess." Lily said.

The three girls groaned.

"Just, give him a chance…" Celia advised,

"Yeah Lily. Clearly he's willing to make an effort; maybe you should make one too."

Lily sighed. Apparently, her New Year's Resolution had already been decided.

-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-

A few days later, and Lily was at home in her room. She was sprawled out on the bed with a good book, when she heard a knock on her window. She spotted an owl hovering outside, and jumped up excitedly. Quickly, she retrieved the letter, gave the owl a treat and plopped on her bed. She opened the letter eagerly, and began to read.

Dear Emerald,

You know, sometimes your jokes wound me deep inside. I mean it! And I'll have you know, if I have to go therapy because of them- you'll be footing the bill. Seriously though, your latest letter put aside some of worries towards our friendship and I'm glad for that. And I think I'm beginning to develop the ability to decipher when you're joking and when you're not. At least I hope I am.

Oh, and Emerald? Don't worry, I know you're devious.

I suppose romantically challenged isn't the right term. I'm not sure what is, but romantically challenged probably isn't it. I do know that my problem is not that I haven't found the right girl. The problem is I've found the right girl- she just doesn't think I'm the right guy. And honestly, aside from the loss of my sister, I'm not sure anything has hurt me more. I mean, after liking her for so long, and her maintaining her feelings of dislike towards me the entire time- one can't help but get a little depressed. You know?

Move on. That term that makes me laugh. I don't see how anyone can expect me to "move on." She was my sister, my baby sister. And it doesn't seem fair that the world can keep on turning without her. It's not fair that I keep getting older, while she's forever seven. It's not fair that I'll get to grow up, fall in love, get married, and have kids, while she'll always be a kid. It's not fair that she got to leave me and my mum and dad behind and go off and be happy in heaven, taking a piece of my heart with her. Because how am I ever supposed to be really happy again with a piece of my heart missing? With her missing?

I'm sorry if I'm depressing you. I never really go on about this usually. I always change the subject if anyone tries to bring it up. But writing it down is so much easier than saying it aloud. And telling you all this is so much easier than it is to tell the friends I see every day.

Telephone? Really? Are you sure it's not fellyfone? Well, as a Muggle-born I'm sure you'd know...but I'm not entirely sure you're not messing with me.

YQ: What's your greatest regret?

MA: My greatest regret is that I'm not more responsible. If I was, my sister would be alive, and…well, that's not the only part of my life that would be better. And I try to be responsible, I really do...but it's hard to be serious all the time, and so I often find myself playing the joker, just to ease the tension and the darker feelings...especially with the state of the Wizarding World as it is right now. You know what I mean?

MQ: What's the best joke you've ever heard?

MA: "Why do they call Filch, Filch?"

…

"Because he's always filching away our free time for detentions and our cool stuff!"

Scotty told me that this morning (he's at my house for the holidays), I thought it was hysterical! It's not the best joke I've ever heard really, but it did make me laugh and I thought I'd share it.

I enclosed a holiday present for you. I hope you like it, let me know if you don't, I can always get you something else.

Best Holiday Wishes,

Raven

* * *

And with the letter was a little parcel, which Lily quickly tore open. And in it was a beautiful silver bracelet, with tiny emerald stones set in it which were spaced out on the length of the bracelet. It was the most elegant piece of jewelry Lily had ever seen.

The gift from James Potter had been absolutely marvelous, even though she hadn't been able to admit so aloud. But this, this was a magnificent gift. She had never gotten more thoughtful gifts. It was amazing that two boys who barely knew her could get such fitting gifts. What Lily of course didn't realize, and wouldn't for a long while, was that there was only one boy who had given her such fitting gifts. Nor did she realize that that boy knew her much better than she thought.

* * *

**The next chapter will be all letters. So, look forward to that! **

**But if you're impatient, you can check out my LJ Oneshot C2. Or this other C2 I subscribe to called the Reviews Lounge. Both are fabulous (even if I'm totally biased about the former). **

**And check out my** _new oneshot:_** _Don't Take The Girl._**

**Oh, and don't tell me James' jokes was lame. I know, I just couldn't come up with anything better. Don't worry, L****ily/Emerald will agree with you- and me. **

**Otherwise, I can't think of anything else I wanted to say. Aside from...**

_Please Review!_


	14. Purely Parchment and Seperate Personas

AN: Hello everyone, long time no update- huh? Sorry it couldn't be sooner, but things have been busy. And things are going to keep being busy. I already know when I'll be updating the next few chapters, but I'll put that at the bottom where more people will read it. And...well, I _hate_ writing letters. With a passion. At least when I have to write so many at first...I suppose because I see scenes and dialogues in my head. That's how I write for the most part, but writing letters- well I can't see it.

P.S. **Keep an eye out because some of the letters are to and from **_Lily_ **and** _James_ **during break as opposed to **_Emerald_** and**_ Raven_

* * *

September 2013: Edited/tweaked. See AN in Chapter One for details.

Also, these letters (and the ones previously) deal with James' sister. I know in canon he was an only child (though I can't remember if I knew that was canon confirmed when I first began this story), but I wanted to explore another possible reason for James' contradictory behavior.

* * *

Dear Raven,

If my jokes actually offend you, then I'm clearly doing you a favor, because you clearly need to "toughen up." And I highly doubt you'll require therapy from my treatment of you, I'm quite kind to you, I do believe. I'm glad my previous letter comforted you regarding our friendship. Hearing that actually comforted me in a way- which is odd, I know, but it can't be helped. I really think we'll be friends for a long time, past Hogwarts graduation, don't you think?

Oh, Raven, I do feel badly for you and your situation with this girl. It truly saddens me that this girl can't see what a great guy she has who cares about her so much. Don't worry, one day, she'll come to realize how lucky she is that you want to be with her. And if she doesn't, you don't want to be with her- she won't be worth it. And if she loses you without a fight, then she's an idiot.

It occurred to me as I read your latest letter that I poorly worded my condolences and thoughts about your sister. Suggesting that you "move on" is rather callous, especially regarding a death of someone as dear and close to you as a sister. I honestly didn't realized how poorly I'd responded to the matter until I read your reply. I truly am sorry. I know that continuing to live your life in a full way must be difficult, but I also think living in the past is difficult and unhealthy, and it was my fear of this and what you might miss by doing so that lead me to speak as I did. There were better ways to word my opinion, however, and I hope you'll forgive my insensitivity in how I handled the matter.

I just…I don't know what to say about your sister; which is why I bollixed up my initial response. I want to say "I'm sorry" but it sounds so lame, it is so lame, and it holds no comfort anyway. I want to comfort you in some other way, but I don't know how. I want to be able to convince you that her death is not on your hands, but I know that's one thing you cannot be convinced of. And, the fact is, no matter what- nothing will change. Whether you "move on" or not, Raven, she isn't coming back. So the only real question is, are you going to spend the rest of your life feeling guilty and mourning, or are you going to try to move past the grief and allow yourself to be _happy _when you think of your sister- rather than depressed? That's really what I meant. Please don't live in the past, Raven, and don't allow your grief to mar your future. Allow yourself to find happiness again, because I'm sure that's what your sister would want for you.

Don't apologize for talking about this, or anything else. We can talk about anything. Don't forget that. I'm here for you, and you're here for me. I think we've become close enough friends despite the odd circumstances to assert that, don't you?

As for the proper terminology regarding Muggle audio communication...I'm a Muggle-born remember? Yes, it really is telephone; it's pronounced: tell-uh-f-own.

Thank you so much for the gift. You'll find your gift attached. I'm sorry it's as boring as a book on Transfiguration, but I had trouble thinking of anything else. Plus, it really contains some very interesting material about human Transfiguration. I read it laster summer myself and thoroughly enjoyed, despite my, er, general lack of enthusiasm over Transfiguration.

YQ: What's the best joke you've ever heard?

MA: First off, your joke was _lame_. I mean, really, you couldn't think of anything better? As for the best joke I've heard (that comes to mind at the moment, at least)…

Q: What is big, green, fuzzy, has four legs, and could hurt you if you fell out of a tree?

A: A pool table!

I don't know if you play pool (billiards) or not, since it's kind of a Muggle thing…but it's a cool game with a really big table as the game's board so to speak. It involved aiming a cue stick to sink specific holes into certain holes, and is quite difficult.

MQ: What is the thing you've done here at Hogwarts that could get you in the most trouble?

MA: Sneaking off to Hogsmeade with my friends in the middle of the night. And dear Merlin, Filch almost caught us!

Love,

Emerald

-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-

_James, _

_Thank you for the gift. It was a beautiful box. And the lily was a nice touch. It was very thoughtful of you to give me a gift at all, much less such a nice one. I got you a gift…but I must admit it doesn't quite match up. But, it's the thought that counts, right? And I did think about it. I realized that you always used to wear Quidditch gloves (Maddy says they help with grip) but that you don't wear them anymore. I figured you must have lost them or something, so I thought I'd get you a pair. I hope you like them. _

_And, James, I would like to try to be friends. And I suppose I've already taken the first step, I've already begun to call you by your first name after all. _

_Anyways, I hope your hols have been wonderful and continue to be so (or improve if they weren't good in the first place). I'll see you back at Hogwarts! _

_-Lily_

-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-

Dear Emerald,

I hope you're having a wonderful Holiday break. I know I certainly am. I've had my best friend over, and some of my other friends have been popping in. We've been having loads of fun, but I still miss Hogwarts. Not the classes so much, although, admittedly, they're not that bad.

So, what- are your jokes your way of building my character? "If they really offend you, I'm doing you a favor." I mean, really, how is that your place to decide? I kid, I kid- mostly.

I really hope we're friends past this assignment. I really do. And one would think that if we get along so well while we're anonymous it wouldn't be so hard to be friends once we know each other's identities. However, I suppose we can't really know for certain. All I can say is, if we aren't friends down the road- it won't be for a lack of effort on my part.

Your words about "this girl" have really comforted me. And deep down, I know you're right. If she doesn't want me then I ought to give up. I know that, I do. I know I ought to "move on" and find another girl. But I can't. I know I'll never find a more perfect girl, and it would be settling for me to be with anyone else, which wouldn't be fair to anyone. I'm still hoping that with more time and effort she'll give me a chance, but I suppose we'll see.

Regarding my sister and living in the present/future rather than the past...what you said makes sense. I suppose I should try to move past my mournful urges and allow myself to really be happy again. It's just…painful. I try, I do. And I'm more "past it" now than I was even a mere year ago. I've been told I should be long past it now, I mean she died years ago. But I don't think I'll ever truly be ever past it, past her...how can you move past your sister? But, I keep ignoring my grief, pretending it's not there, that it's not an issue. And I suppose that hasn't helped me much…I'd really like to thank you, Emerald, for listening to me. I've really appreciated it, and it's so nice to know I can talk to someone so easily.

Thanks for the Transfiguration book. I really do like reading, despite what some may think. And Transfiguration is my favorite subject (as we've already discussed, and probably why you chose a Transfiguration book). I can't wait to read it. I'd heard of it before but hadn't been able to find a copy. So thanks, it's the perfect gift, really.

YQ: What is the thing you've done here at Hogwarts that could get you in the most trouble?

MA: I…don't wish to answer. I rather like living, and my parents would skin me alive if they found out. Plus, I imagine you'd give me some grief over the matter as well.

MQ: If you had one wish, what would you wish? (No wishing to change the past, or for more wishes)

MA: I would wish that "this girl" would give me a chance. It doesn't matter if she falls for me, although obviously I desperately hope she does. I just wish I had a chance. If she gave me one, and I blew it…well, I think I could "move on" more quickly. Because it would be over if I screwed it up, she's not the type of girl that gives second chances.

Love,

Raven

-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-

_Dear Lily, _

_You didn't have to get me a gift. I wasn't particularly expecting one. Just because someone gives you a gift doesn't mean you have_ _to get the other person a gift. You should give someone something because you want to, that's what gift-giving is meant to be, giving something out of freewill and good intentions. _

_Nonetheless, I appreciate the gift. It was really thoughtful. I can't believe you noticed I haven't worn gloves in a while. But, I do know you to be very observant. You're right; I don't have my gloves anymore. I lost them or that's what Sirius wants me to believe. I think he stole them. But, I have a new pair now. And I'll just have to hide them from Sirius and his kleptomaniac paws. _

_Hope your holidays have been wonderful. It's amazing how quickly they've passed, isn't it? I can't believe we go back tomorrow. See you then! _

_Always, _

_James _

-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-

Dear Raven,

My break was wonderful. I went home too, and it was nice to see my family. I may not get along with my sister so well, but we do have our sisterly moments. And even if I feel estranged with my family sometimes, they're still my family. And I know they try to connect with me, they try to bridge the gap. The problem is, no matter how much we wish otherwise, I've changed. I'm part of a different world now, a world they could never be a part of. And sadly, this world is more of a home to me than theirs; I fit better in the magical world, despite being a Muggle-born and the bane of pureblood society. The separation doesn't keep us from having fun together though. So Christmas break was still marvelous. We had some great family moments, and I know I'll treasure them for a long while.

You know I was joking about the toughening you up bit. You project toughness, now true- I know a lot of is just a projection, but don't worry: I won't tell a soul. I think you want to be this cool tough guy with all the glory and friends, and that you want to be a part of the crowd. However, I don't think you're as tough as you want me to think. You seem too thoughtful, too caring for that.

Raven, at this point in our friendship, I can't imagine not being your friend.

Here's my advice regarding "this girl:" If you really care about her, don't give up without a fight. Have her give you a chance. But that's just it, have her _give_ it you. Don't blackmail her, or bet her or anything like that. Show her why she should give you a chance by being the type of person she wants to give a chance.

And as for your sister...Just keep living, Raven. Just keep living, and try to live life to the fullest. That's what your sister would want. She would want you to have what she's been prohibited from having: a long happy life. Do what you can to have a brilliant future despite your tragic past.

I'm glad you liked the book. I felt bad I couldn't think of anything less…boring for lack of another word. But, if you enjoyed it, then that's good.

And as for your previous mischief-making...that is so not fair, how can you not tell me what you did? _Come on_, tell me. Please! Don't worry about McGonagall reading. I have it from a very good source that she's not actually reading the letters. So don't monitor what you say because of that. And don't worry about the validity of my source either; I know my information is correct. _So tell me!_

YQ: If you had one wish, what would you wish? (No wishing to change the past, or for more wishes)

MA: I think I would wish for better understanding of other people, who they are. Better understanding of people's intentions. Better understanding of, well, everything.

MQ: Why are you happy that you're a wizard (or witch for me)?

MA: It's opened doors I never knew existed. It's given me what I've wanted ever since I can remember some amount of control over my life. It's give me the opportunity to see another world, have another identity. Not to mention it gave me the opportunity to go to boarding school, which was pretty sweet in and of itself.

Love,

Emerald

-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-

Dear Emerald,

I'm so sorry it took me a week to get back to you. I've just been so busy since getting back to school. There's just so much I've been having to deal with and do, and yeah…So, I'm sorry. I hate that it took me so long to write back to you. Forgive me?

I'm glad you had a good break. I'm also glad that you were able to connect to your family to a certain extent through those moments. For the most part, I don't know what it's like, being so different from your family. I can't really understand what it's like to have such a huge gap that you have to connect over. I know a bit of what you're going through because it was hard for me to connect to my parents at first after the incident. However, we managed to come back together to a certain extent. Things are very different now, that's as obvious as it is that things will never be the same. However, what we went through was different from what you went through, what you're going through. And all I can say as comfort is, I wish you didn't have to go through it. Anything else is inadequate, isn't it?

I will ignore any remarks that suggest I am not as tough as I actually am.

Emerald, your advice means _a lot_ to me. And I'll do my best to follow it. It'll be hard though. Whenever I get close to her, my rational thought tends to sink down to the soles of my feet and through the floor. And I end up acting like an idiot, which just seems to serve to reinforce what she already thinks of me...

You're really smart you know that, right? You really know the right way to approach things. You make me see things differently, something which, according to my friends, is very hard to do. They say I'm too stubborn to see things any other way. And I suppose they're right, except I can't help but listen (or read, rather) to what you have to say. I sit there, let it digest, and it makes so much sense. You're really helpful; I know I can come to you with my problems.

I _can't_ tell you about the trouble I've gotten into at Hogwarts. I'm sorry, I wish I could, but I can't…Maybe one day, but as of now- I can't. Just trust me, please? As of your source's information…I can confirm it. I can't tell you how I know, because you never know we might know the same way, but as far as I know- your source is correct. As is mine.

YQ: Why are you happy that you're a wizard?

MA: Power. Don't get me wrong, I'm not some power-crazed maniac. Magic gives me power over my life. It's given me options to choose from on how I want it to be. It's given me the power to fight to make the world a better place. It's given be the power to become a better person. The sense of empowerment that magic gives me is something that I'm grateful for, as it gives me hope that I use that power to make the world a better place.

MQ: What's your favorite Muggle food?

MA: Pizza, it's absolutely wonderful.

Love Always,

Raven

-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-

Dear Raven,

Well, even if you felt bad before, you certainly shouldn't feel bad now. Seeing as it took me so long to get back to you and all. I'm busy too. But, it's to be expected I suppose. NEWT courses take a lot of us, understandably, and second term always seems to be harder than the first. It'll only get busier I suppose. But, as long as we don't stop writing all together…

I'm so glad you don't buy into that "I'm sorry" bit, although it shouldn't surprise me that you don't. I'm sure you had plenty of people tell you they were sorry after your sister. And I'm sure you felt as unsatisfied after hearing that as we all feel after hearing those words in a similar situation. I mean, come on, you didn't do anything. So why the bloody hell are you sorry? Right? I mean, you're totally right. Saying anything other than "I wish you didn't have to go through that/this" or something similar is completely inadequate.

I'm glad my advice helps. I know I don't really tell you much about what's going on with me, or my issues or anything. But, just knowing you would listen and would try to help is enough for me. More than enough really. And as for all those compliments you gave me, please stop flattering me. (Except don't actually, because I quite like the ego boost, I'm just trying to be modest)

I won't pretend I'm not hurt that you won't tell me what you did, but I'll try to respect it. And I'll hope maybe one day you can trust me enough to tell me...or I'll just needle it out of you.

That subject brings me to something. Do you wonder who I am? I used to…but I don't really. Not anymore. At first I figured I'd try to solve the mystery of your identity like a jigsaw puzzle; however, I like the anonymity. It's nice not knowing who you are, in its own way. Don't get me wrong, I can't wait to meet you. But on the same token, I'm sort of dreading it too. Just because I like writing back and forth with you. I like this weird secretive dance we have going on.

YQ: What's your favorite Muggle food?

MA: Chinese, I mean I know some wizards eat that. But it's not something they serve at Hogwarts or anything, and in general it just doesn't seem like a very magical food to me. If that makes any sense at all.

MQ: What's your favorite family vacation?

MA: Mine was when I was nine; we all went to France for a week. I missed three days of school, which was every kid's dream back then. We were in Paris mostly, but we also visited the coast- and it was so pretty, and we all got along. My sister and I didn't fight at all. And we were all happy. It was marvelous. I enjoyed the trip at the time, but I don't think I really appreciated that week until later.

Love,

Emerald

-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-

Dearest Emerald,

I think we're just going to have to face the fact that we can't write back and forth as quickly as we'd like. We should consider ourselves lucky that McGonagall hasn't collected the letters lately. Otherwise we'd be in trouble. I suppose she decided it wasn't the effort. Plus, most people seem to have taken to the project anyway. I've heard lots of people talking how much they like their anonymous friend. 'Course, none of them like their pen pal as much as I like mine. And it's natural I suppose, because I have a pretty great pen pal. Theirs can't compare. (Is that enough ego boosting for you? I kid, I kid; well for the most part, because what I said really _is_ true)

You're right. Apologies to a person when they're grieving for something you didn't cause are ridiculous and infuriating. I can't even begin to tell you how often I wanted to hex those people who apologized repeatedly, not to mention those who took it a step further and started tiptoeing around me. Never mind that I didn't yet have a wand or actually know how to perform any hexes.

I'm glad writing to me helps you like your advice helps me. I've been feeling kind of bad that you help me so much when I haven't felt like I've been helping you. And don't worry; I'll do what I can to feed your ego. And maybe, if I inflate your head enough I won't have to wait until the end of the year to find out who you are. I can recognize you by the huge head!

Please, don't say things like that, about me trusting you. It makes me feel guilty. It's not that I can't trust you. I know I can. It's just…well it's a lot of things. For one, part of it isn't my secret to tell. And for another, it's something significantly bigger than sneaking out of school (I'm not trying to peak your interest; I'm trying to be honest). And well…I'll tell you one day. I swear…And you can hex me into oblivion if I don't.

I don't really. Wonder who you are that is. I did a lot at first. But now…I really don't. I mean, sure, I'm curious about _who you really are._ But, on the other hand, I kind of like things like this. Writing in letters and not having to worry about real identities or anyone else but what we think of our friendship. It's nice…don't you think?

YQ: What's your favorite family vacation?

MA: We went to Switzerland and stayed in a chalet. I had just turned ten…it was...well, it was the last full family vacation we had. Or really, the last family vacation ever. It was nice. My parents had always been so busy, but they decided to get some time off work so we could have some time together before I went to Hogwarts. They knew it was a year away still, but I think they were beginning to realize they didn't have a lot of time left. We'd been on a few family vacations before, not a lot, but a few. However, they had been cut short because my parents had to get back to work, or they kept checking in with the office. But that time, they didn't end the trip early, and they left work and stuff at home. They just hung out with me, my sister, and each other. It was wonderful.

MQ: What's your favorite time of the day?

MA: I love the night. It's all dark and quiet (generally). And it's perfect for sneaking around, or just relaxing.

Love Always,

Raven

* * *

**Hello, again. I hope you liked the chapter...I hope it was worth the wait...I'm so sorry it's taken me so long. I really am. But the next update will be soon (even though I haven't written the chapter yet, because of my crazy out of town schedule. I've planned out the following chapters, and when they'll be posted. See below...**

Chapter 15: June 17th or 18th (a bit before my Writer's camp)

Chapter 16: June 29th or 30th (a bit before I leave for EUROPE)

Chapter 17: Sometime during the three weeks I'm in Europe and can get online to upload the already written chapter and uploaded chapter

Chapter 18: Sometime after HP7's release (I get home the night before) and before July 26th (the day before I leave for band camp).

**And after that...who knows? **

**So you know, I've lately started this terrible habit of writing out of order. I've already written half of Chapter 17, but I have yet to write Chapter 15 or 16 (and when I'm writing this note, Chapter 14...but clearly I've written than already). I've also written about half of Chapter Number Something-or-Other that takes place during the summer. So bear with me as I try to kick the habit and write the chapters in order...but it's so hard!**

_If you love me, and want me to not suffer as I diligently try to write the next chapter...**please review**. I desperately require the inspiration, and the incentive to write another chapter soon._

p.s. Check out my new AU LJ story: Birth, Death, and Everything Between- it's much better than the title- I SWEAR!


	15. Flirting and Fights

**AN:** 4,749 words (of actual story) according to Word (which is way more reliable than the document manager word count application); this is the first time I've broken the 4,000 mark for a chapter- and to break it by so much... I'm so proud. It's funny though, because it was almost longer..._Anywho_ a lot of people told me they didn't like the all letter chapters so much in the last chapter- but before everyone seemed to like it. That definitely made me laugh; but, luckily I think that's the last Emerald/Raven letter chapter. At least I hope, because I hate writing them. It's easier to write dialogue, and the letters back and forth can be difficult to write sometimes.

* * *

September 2013: Edited/tweaked. See AN in Chapter One for details.

* * *

Dear Raven,

You're right, we are lucky McGonagall stopped collecting the letters. Although, if she collected them again, I think we could weasel our way out of it somehow. We could each write some fake letters or something. I don't know. We'd be okay, though. That I know. And you're right, everyone seems to love this project. I heard about this one girl who's actually _dating_ her pen pal, they're in a real relationship. I don't understand how someone could be dating someone they've never met- but to each their own. She says he's amazing, she says she loves him. And, well, I hope everything turns out okay once they've met.

Don't feel bad that you haven't been really giving me advice. You've given me other stuff, things that matter so much more. Like an escape from reality. When I'm writing to you, or reading your letters- everything else seems to fade away. It's just you and me and everything is so simple. And I need that, with everything going on in the world, in my life- I need that. I need it so badly. And I'm so grateful to you for giving it to me.

Raven (insert last name of your choosing here) you will do no such thing. Inflating my ego to determine my identity. Hmph! Trying to inflate my head…and trying to cheat the project and find out who I am! Hmph! (Ok, ok- I'll admit it…I'm laughing so hard my friends are looking at me like I'm nuts…which I might be, just a little bit.)

You know, I've been thinking lately about what McGonagall said these pairings were based on. She said something about "similarities we don't realize we have." Or something to that effect. And, I've been thinking about what similarities we have. There's the obvious stuff, of course. We both have good senses of humor, and we both love books. And, there's the stuff with our families, which is so huge. At first glance, it may look like our family lives are so different. But, really, when you look at it- they aren't. We've both been deprived for several years now of a tight-knit family. And our favorite family vacations have the same thing in common, they were the last time(s) we were a real family. And, the thing is, there is so much more that makes us similar.

I suppose what really gets me though, isn't our similarities. It's the fact that we could be so similar and not know each other. It doesn't seem possible that I haven't known you before this year, not really. From day one, you've felt so close and so familiar. And that feeling has intensified to an unbelievable amount. I just can't believe that we haven't been friends before this.

YQ: What's your favorite time of the day?

MA: The early morning. I'm an early riser, and a lot of times I'll go and sit and watch the sun rise and all the natural activity on the grounds. (I almost said where, but then I realized that really relates to where I live in the castle, and that could give away my identity…)

MQ: Which side of the war are you on?

MA: I'm a Muggle-born. Clearly, I'm not a Death Eater…Even if I wasn't, I wouldn't support him.

Love Always,

Emerald

-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-

"Oy, Evans"

Lily swerved around at the voice, a glare instantly crossing her face. But then, she recognized the figure and she reprimanded herself. _No Lily_, _remember what you've been working so hard on? You and James are getting along now. _She smiled, slightly by force, slightly by…something she couldn't quite identify.

"Hi, _James_", She said, reminding him of their agreement to refer to each other by first names.

He grinned.

"Sorry Lily." She smiled by instinct.

"So, what's up?" She asked,

"Well, I was wondering if you heard about the Hogsmeade trip this weekend," She looked at him in disbelief. Hadn't he learned anything?

"James, please don't ruin this and-" He laughed,

"Relax, I'm not going to ask you out."

She gave a sigh of relief, "Good."

He forced a laugh, and (somewhat) jokingly replied, "Ouch." He paused and continued, "I was just wondering if you and Maddy wanted to hang out with Sirius, Peter and I. Remus has a date with some Ravenclaw girl, and we need someone to keep us in line."

Lily grinned.

"Good point. I'll have to check with Maddy, but I think the answer is 'yes.' You don't mind if Celia and Bridget join us…do you?"

"Well, I don't mind if Celia does…but I think Bridget is the girl Remus has a date with." James said, wavering a bit uncertain on the last part.

"No way." Lily said, and her eyes widened. James couldn't know something regarding one of her best friends before she did.

"I'm pretty positive…I mean, do _you_ know any other Ravenclaws named Bridget in a year that's appropriate for Remus to date?"

He had her there.

"How could she not tell me?" Lily mused aloud to herself in disbelief.

"It's a recent development I think. Remus only gathered up the courage to decide to ask this morning, but I don't think he finally did so until after lunch."

"Oh." Lily said.

"Say, Lily…"

"Hm?" She asked; her thoughts still on her quiet Ravenclaw friend.

"I normally wouldn't ask…but we're supposed to be friends- right? And we've been getting along for a few months now…and Remus is my best friend. And Bridget is one of yours, and…"

"And what?" Lily asked, not following him.

"Does Bridget fancy Remus?"

"James, don't you think that's confidential?"

"I know, it's just…Well, Remus has fancied Bridget for a while now. And he's always been so shy and timid around girls because of, well, his" James paused, looking around for a moment before whispering the next phrase, "furry little problem," Lily smiled slightly at his wording, "and I'd hate for him to get hurt."

Lily paused, debating about whether or not to trust him.

"What would you do if I said she didn't?" James realized this was purely hypothetical, not a real answer- and answered honestly anyways.

"I'd keep Remus from getting his hopes up. And not encourage him about asking her out again or anything else that could allow her to smash his heart."

Lily laughed.

"I don't think Bridget could smash any hearts…but what if she did fancy him?"

"Then I'd wish him luck, tell him to have a great time, and push him to ask her out again, or admit his feelings to her."

"You wouldn't tell him she fancied him?"

"'Course not. He'd rather hear it coming from her, that's the type of guy he is." He paused thoughtfully, "I doubt he'd believe me anyway."

Lily laughed again. James tried not to dwell on how much he loved that their relationship had changed so much that he could make her laugh multiple times in one (pleasant) conversation. Her giving him a chance hadn't really affected their interactions much so far, as he was trying to give her space so as not to crowd her and make her regret the decision. Their scant interactions had been somewhat pleasant so far, but this was the most friendly and easy-going she'd ever been with him.

"Well…" she paused, "Promise you'll do as you said?"

"Promise." Would Lily really trust him? She paused again, but then spoke slowly.

"She fancies him... a good bit, at least." James grinned,

"Great!" He exclaimed, seeming as happy as if Lily had just told him that Bridget fancied him. He really was loyal, she mused, and he cared so much about his friends and their wellbeing.

Lily laughed at his silliness. He just grinned back.

"So," James said, "Where are you headed? Or where were you headed before I stopped you?"

"Back to the dormitory; I just finished studying in the library."

"Me too,"

"I didn't see you in the library…"

"Oh, I wasn't. I was outside, but I am heading back to Gryffindor Tower…walk with me?"

Lily hesitated for a brief moment, but then nodded. James held back a grin. They had actually been getting along great since they returned from Christmas hols. James had expected her to really struggle with her change in attitude towards him, and, honestly, she had struggled. But she hadn't struggled as much as one would have expected. They hadn't gotten along perfectly, but they had yet to break out into a major fight or anything.

It had been wonderful, in James' opinion. They had walked to classes together (in a large group with their respective friends) once or twice, sat around with their friends on the grounds hanging out (which they had done before, just not as often, and not with Lily sitting near him willingly or talking to him kindly). And, this was James' favorite part, they had even studied together just the two of them. James helped her in Transfiguration again (she really was miserable at the subject) and she helped him with Potions (he wasn't too terrible, but he sure could use the help).

Lily…she still wasn't sure how to feel about it. She liked the lack of conflict, the lack of anger and frustration she had always carried around previously, and the fact that she was no longer almost always on the brink of explosion. But, it was still so _odd_ to get along with him, to be _friends_. Not to mention that she knew he still fancied her. He had managed to stop flirting with her for the most part, and he hadn't asked her out once.

However, sometimes she'd catch him looking at her with this _look_ on his face, and it made her shiver. It felt so awkward to be friends with him when she knew he wanted more than friendship. She knew he was happy to be friends with her, but she knew that was only because he saw it as part of the path leading to them being more than friends. And Lily didn't think she wanted to go further down that path.

They made their way back to the dormitory, making pleasant conversation as they went. James told silly jokes that Lily couldn't help but laugh at, and told stories of the escapades of the Marauders. She knew she should disapprove, and she did- sort of, but she couldn't help but appreciate some of what he had to say, nor could she help but be amused.

They reached the portrait, and James gave the password. The portrait swung open, and James bent down in a mock bow, sweeping an arm out.

"After you milady," He said in a mockingly deep voice.

Had it been anyone else, she would have laughed. Had it been any other time, and still James, she would have laughed. But because it was him, and because his (somewhat subtle) flirting had made her increasingly uncomfortable all the way to Gryffindor Tower, she couldn't help but say something.

"James, please…don't." He looked at her with a confused face.

"Don't what?"

"Flirt with me like that." He opened his mouth to say something but he cut her off, "Look, it's just…it makes me uncomfortable. We're friends now, but that's it- _friends_. And you're ruining the chances we have of keeping that, this_ friendship,_ by flirting with me like you keep doing. It makes me uncomfortable, and it makes me feel guilty, and it's going to ruin everything. So please _stop_. Stop flirting with me, stop scheming to win me over, and stop trying to be more to me than you ever will be."

James tried not to show the hurt he was feeling; however, he failed miserably. Horror showed on Lily's face before she even analyzed his, and it only increased once she did. Her mouth opened and she froze for a moment. Her eyes showed regret, and that only caused the stinging James was feeling to intensify.

"Oh, James, I'm _so_ sorry. I didn't mean for it to come to come out like that, I…"

But James shook his head.

"No matter," he said, trying to sound bright and unbothered but only slightly succeeding, "I'm fine."

"Oh, I'm just so-"

"Sorry, I know. Don't be." He paused, and tried to ignore how terrible Lily seemed to be feeling. He was already feeling bad, and he knew that if he allowed himself to really see how bad she felt he'd try to comfort her and say that he didn't feel bad. But, he wanted to be selfish and wallow in his hurt for a little while and let her feel bad for a change, and so he refused to really look at her. Now, true, none of this thought process was in his conscious mind, but it was submersed in his mind somewhere.

"I'll see you later." And he walked off, breezing through the common room up towards his dormitory. And Lily stood there for a moment, feeling absolutely horrid before she realized she was still standing in the entry way to the common room. So, she managed to pick up her still dropped jaw and follow the path into the common room that James had already blazed until he was out of sight. Unfortunately, Lily couldn't seem to leave her guilt behind her.

-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-

James stomped up the stairs to his dorm room, barely recognizing the change in his feelings from that of hurt to anger. He'd realize it was a natural change if he felt it. He'd been hurt by Lily so many times (never intentionally, really) that it was only natural that he began to be angered that she kept hurting him, and more so that he kept letting her. But, James didn't analyze his feelings. He just let them roll through him and make him moody. Which is why he stormed through the dormitory door and towards his bed before falling back onto it with a 'thud' and a loud sigh.

"Er, James?" Sirius called tentatively,

"What?" James snapped. Sirius winced.

"What's wrong?" Peter asked, brow furrowed,

"Evans." Sirius and Remus responded automatically. James groaned in agreement.

"What now?" Sirius asked in a rather bored frustrated voice.

"She…Merlin, she…"

"Well?" Sirius asked impatiently. Though why he was impatient to hear the words he had probably heard a thousand times before, no one knew.

"She sort of snapped at me. I was flirting with her, like I always do. I mean, I've been more subtle about it since we've become _friends,_" the word 'friends' was rather strangled, making it clear he hated using the word to describe them, "I'd have tried to stop altogether, I did try. It's just so hard; I've spent so long flirting with her and trying to win her over. But she got all mad and told me to stop flirting with her because it made her uncomfortable, and it made her feel guilty, and it was going to "ruin everything."

And then she said "Stop flirting with me, stop scheming to win me over, and stop trying to be more to me than you ever will be" And, I was just…I couldn't believe she said that. Although, to be fair, I don't think she could either. And she tried to apologize, but I just I couldn't hear it…I'm so tired of her treating me like this! I mean, I just…I…Merlin, I don't even know exactly what I want anymore. I just know I want something better than _this_."

"I can't believe she said that." Sirius breathed,

"Me either." Remus said in disbelief. Though Sirius and Lily got along relatively well (his pranking of her in the fall not withstanding), Remus and Lily were closest of the Marauders as they'd shared Prefect duties for over a year and a half now.

James mumbled something that sounded like agreement and frustration that this was happening to him. Silence fell for a moment, even though the conversation clearly wasn't over.

"It's just…Merlin…I mean, she hates me- I love her; frustrating but simple. Then, I love her, she still hates me, but then I find out she likes me when she doesn't know I'm me; depressing, but exciting. Then, I love her, she's civil and friendly to me when I'm me, and she loves me (at least platonically if not romantically) when she doesn't know I'm me. And it's all so frustrating, because she doesn't know any of this. And…I just don't get how she can love me and hate me at the same time."

"James, Lily doesn't hate you. Not now at least. I'm not sure she ever really hated you per say, I think it was more of a sincere dislike. But now, she doesn't hate you- she likes you, just merely as a friend." Remus said softly, trying to be of some comfort.

"Yes, but…it's just. We have two relationships. That of Lily and James, which is so fucked up I can't even begin to describe it. And that of Emerald and Raven, which is so perfect now, but I know it's a ticking time bomb that's going to explode when she finds out I'm Raven."

"He has a point." Sirius said.

"Shut it, Padfoot." James snapped, still irritated but not as much as he was depressed. Remus agreed with their moping friend by shooting a "shut up, you insensitive prick" glare at Sirius.

"I just…I hate this, having two relationships with her…and her not even knowing we have two relationships."

"We know." Sirius said, and Remus shot him another glare, which this time Sirius paid heed to.

"It's just so hard. The better I get to know her…I mean…the things she tells me…"

"Like what?" Remus prodded gently.

"She snuck out of Hogwarts with her friends in the middle of the night. Lily Evans, the girl who I'd least suspect out of doing such a thing. I could never imagine her breaking such a huge rule."

"Are you still sure Emerald is Lily?" Remus asked with a small laugh, only half joking.

"Yeah, I mean, all the pieces fit. And Emerald is so sweet and kind- just like Lily. And she's brilliant too, always knows what to say…You know what's really funny?"

"What?" Sirius asked tiredly, he loved his friend- but he was getting tired of the "Lily rants." Remus gave Sirius a warning look that said "don't say anything if you're not going to be helpful.

"She's given me advice about her, although she doesn't know it's her of course. But the fact that I was infatuated with a girl came up, as did the fact that said girl can't stand me. And she's given me a lot of advice about how to win her over. She even said that if "this girl" let me get away then she was a bloody idiot and wasn't worth my time. And…Merlin, it's just so ironic. And it keeps getting harder and harder to lie to her like this…"

"Technically mate, you aren't lying. You just haven't told her that you know who she is." Sirius said. Remus nodded at their friend approvingly for helping, even though he wasn't sure he agreed with the message.

"It's deception for sure no matter what. But then she asked me if I ever wondered who she was. I probably spent at least a quarter of an hour planning out my words carefully so that I wasn't lying, but I wasn't telling her I already knew who she was…I feel so guilty."

"Then tell her." Sirius said, bored of the conversation.

"Hell no!" Remus said, joining the conversation again, "If he does that Lily will _never_ speak to him. She can't find out he knew who she was. She'd accuse him of trying to win her over again, and would never believe otherwise."

"Technically, he kind of is." Sirius said,

"But not as Raven. As James…he's getting to know her better to woo her as himself. He's not using his separate persona to pursue her as said separate persona." Remus said.

"Is there really a difference?" Sirius asked, and Peter nodded his confusion as well.

"Yes…well, sort of." Remus scrunched up his face as he said the last part, as if he wasn't certain.

"Remus is right. I may feel bad, but I can't tell her. She'd hex me into oblivion."

"So…you'll lie to her forever?" Sirius asked with a frown on his face.

"At this point, I'm beginning to believe Lily and I will never have a forever."

And with that, James rolled over and fell silent. Sirius, Remus, and Peter exchanged glances of disbelief. Was their best friend really finally giving up on Lily Evans?

-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-

Half an hour later, Sirius bounded down the stairs into the common room, stopping once he reached the doorway into the almost deserted room. There was only one other person in the room, Lily Evans. She was sitting in the window seat, looking out the window with a solemn look on her face. _She looks like she feels as bad as James does…but why would she? She's never felt bad about how she treats him_. And at this thought, Sirius found a surge of anger deep within him.

"Evans, you're up late." Sirius commented coolly, walking over to where she sat. He took a seat in a chair that was facing her and the window a mere few feet away from her. Lily looked away from the window towards him.

"Yeah, I guess I am." She said in a tired sort of voice.

"Couldn't sleep?"

"Haven't even tried," She said with a small laugh, "Too much on my mind."

"Like what?" He asked, not sure why he really cared.

She looked at him, as if surveying him. She sighed, and then finally spoke.

"I feel bad…I said some things I shouldn't have, and I didn't get the chance to apologize properly."

"To who?" Sirius asked, even though he already knew the answer.

Lily looked at him surprised.

"James didn't tell you?"

"He told me you said some stuff, but I didn't figure that's who you were talking about." Well, maybe he had, but he wasn't about to tell her that. "I just figured you must have been talking about someone else. You've said plenty of mean things towards Prongs before and you've never seemed to feel guilty."

Lily shook her head, and turned her gaze back out to the window.

"Ouch."

"I speak the truth." He said with a shrug.

"I don't try to speak to him like that, you know. It's just; he can be so frustrating sometimes. And then, things slip out."

"That's no excuse."

"I didn't say it was, did I?"

"You really hurt him, you know?"

"Yeah, I know…I tried to apologize, but he didn't really let me."

"Good for him." She paused, and looked back towards him.

"You don't like me, do you?"

"Not particularly." Sirius said, with a half shrug and a look that said "what are you going to do about it?"

"It shouldn't surprise me."

"It really shouldn't. But does it?"

"Barely… I really don't try to be mean to him. And we've gotten along really well lately. Until tonight." She looked back out the window.

"Why'd you say it Evans?"

"I don't know…I mean, we've been getting along great lately. And I've actually liked being friends with him. But, it feels like the only reason he likes this friendship is because he sees it as part of the way to get to something more. And I don't really want anything more…It'd be fine, except he keeps flirting with me. And it's really hard to pretend like everything's okay when he keeps flirting with me."

"So you snapped?"

"Sort of…well, yes."

"Lousy excuse,"

"But the truth,"

"That may be…but seriously, Evans. I mean…why can't you give him a chance?" She looked back to him, something in her eyes that Sirius couldn't identify.

"I've given him a chance, Sirius, a chance to be my friend. I can't give him a chance to be anything more…We can't, we _won't_, ever be anything more."

"You're a bloody idiot you know; for turning him down, not giving him a real chance. You'll regret it one day."

She gave a sad smile.

"Maybe, but that's really my problem, isn't it?"

"It would be. Except that James, my best mate, has to suffer because of your idiocy. You don't realize how much you hurt him, and daily at that. Or maybe you do realize, and you just don't care…" She looked back to the window.

"I don't want to hurt him. I try not to…but he keeps making it difficult."

"Oh, so it's his fault?"

"I never said that; that's not what I meant."

"I don't get you, Evans."

"No, you don't. You really don't."

"You ought to be happy though." She turned back to him at this, a confused (and slightly suspicious) look on her face.

"And why's that?"

"Because, it looks like he's finally come to his senses and given up on you."

Lily's frown grew, and she wondered why that made her anything but happy. Sirius stood up, and shook his head.

"One day, Evans…" And he walked away, back up the stairs into his dormitory. And Lily found herself no closer to sleep than she was before that conversation.

-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-

It was Saturday, the day of the Hogsmeade trip. Lily and James had not mentioned their fight since the incident itself, and all those around them had seen it wise to do the same. The pair were being friendly towards each other, but everyone could sense the tension, and even a blind man could see that things were not as bright has they had been before. Bridget and Remus did indeed have a date for the Hogsmeade visit, and their respective friends had plans to hang out together; plans that included at least half an hour of spying on their shy friends' date. Therefore the Marauders and the group of girls who had no name met that morning in the Entrance Hall.

Remus and Bridget greeted each other happily but awkwardly and with a few goodbyes to their friends, they walked off towards the local village separately. They were a good distance away when Remus moved his hand towards Bridget's, but their friends were close enough to see the motion and smile to themselves. The others were mostly silent as they moved along, but Maddy and Sirius, the most boisterous of the group, made enough chatter so that it wasn't too awkward. Lily and James kept glancing at each other, but quickly darted their gazes when their eyes met. Lily found herself biting her lip nervously every minute or so, and James swept his hand through his hair at least as many times as Lily made her nervous motions.

Their friends recognized their motions but only rolled their eyes to themselves and occasionally to each other. The group finally reached the village, and naturally friendly bicker rose among them as to where they would go first. Finally, as it was a rather cold March day, the group agreed to first go to the Three Broomsticks to warm up from the trek down to the village. They situated themselves into a booth, and (due to the somewhat subtle effort of their friends) Lily and James ended up right across from each other, and the closest ones to the wall. Butterbeer was bought and drunk, and then ten minutes later- due to the even less subtle efforts of their friends- Lily and James were left alone in the booth.

"Damn them." James muttered, mostly to himself.

"Hear, hear." Lily said in reply, raising her half-empty Butterbeer in a mocking salute before taking a small sip.

"Do you think they think we believed their excuses for leaving?"

"If they do, then they aren't as smart as I've always though them to be."

James chuckled, and paused before speaking.

"Why can't things always be like this, Lily? Why do we always fight?"

"I don't know…"She said quietly, "I wish they could be like this…we just seem to have this talent for frustrating each other."

"Yeah…think we can get rid of it?" Lily laughed, and he grinned. Her laughter stopped a moment or two later, and she turned serious.

"James, I hate to bring this up. But, I really want to apologize about the other night."

James sighed, she _had_ to bring it up.

"Me too."

"You?" she scoffed, "You didn't do anything."

"Technically, I suppose you're right. But, I was part of it, I didn't help- and it could easily be said that I made it worse."

She laughed,

"I don't want to get in one of those weird arguments where two people are fighting to take ownership of the blame for a fight. So can we just both apologize and try to move on?"

"Sounds perfect." He said.

"Great."

"So…gonna apologize?"

She laughed,

"Yeah…" she said with a small laugh and a bigger smile before she turned serious, "I'm sorry- I really am."

"And so am I."

"We good?"

"Better than ever."

They both smiled at each other, and suddenly all the pain they'd felt the past week, and all the miserable feelings they'd been carrying floated away.

* * *

**I hope you liked this chapter, it had lots of LJ goodness- didn't it? The next chapter won't have any really, but Chapter 17 is the best LJ action chapter yet! Anywho, I really ought to start writing Chapter 16 (17 is almost done, their meeting in Chapter number something is mostly done, but 16 isn't even started...geez I'm bad...) so I'll make this quick.**

**Read **_Birth, Death, and Everything Between_, **read my** _LJ Oneshot C2_, **and/or one of my oneshots. And come back June 29th/June 30th for Chapter 16!**

**(this was posted at **_exactly_** midnight my time, not on purpose, just how it happened)**

_(Added later: check out my new LJ Oneshot "Green Eyed Monster.")_

Review darlings, I love you!


	16. Stupidity and Saving Snape

**AN:** Sorry that this update didn't make it up as early as I intended for it too...it just took me awhile to write the second letter...However, the next chapter is almost completely written so I should be able to post it while I'm gone...as long as I can finish it before I leave...

* * *

September 2013: Edited/tweaked. See AN in Chapter One for details.

* * *

Dear Emerald,

I just thought I'd let you know, I'm currently being a bad student. At the moment, I'm in Potions you see (most definitely not my favorite class). And yet, I'm writing this letter. But, I'm really tired of this class, and I don't feel like paying attention at the moment.

If your friends are looking at you like you're nuts, whether you're laughing at my humorous remarks or not…there's a good chance you are mad. I mean, I've already suspected it after all the talking (or writing, if you want to be technical) we've done. (I kid, I kid).

I'm not trying to guess your identity. I'd rather not know who you are, really. Not yet… I'll admit that I was trying to guess, but though those guesses did lead to some suspicions, I decided it was better not to guess.

I think McGonagall did a good job in pairing us together. Because you're right, we do have a lot in common. Not just our family lives either, but our personalities. We both joke a lot, and we have similar senses of humor. We both care about our studies and our friends. We both like to be helpful…We have a lot in common, McGonagall (and Dumbledore too) did a good job in pairing us together.

And, do you really think we don't know each other outside of this correspondence? Because I can't help but think we do. We're not close or anything, because otherwise we'd probably have guessed the identity of the other by now…but I think we've met and chatted more than once.

Do your best friends ever astound you? Mine do, especially one (Scotty, I've mentioned him before). He just told me that he lost his Charms essay, the two feet essay that took him a week to finish (I've never seen him put so much effort into anything). We found out from another friend that Scotty used the back of it to write notes in class (and not ones on the lecture). Out other friend, Rick, saw the essay but thought it was a roughdraft. Anyways, they trashed the essay/notes after class…and now Scott has to write the essay all over again. Honestly, sometimes he amazes me. I mean, really, who doesn't look on both sides of a piece of parchment before they write on it?

YQ: What side of the war are you on?

MA: Well, I'm not a Death Eater. And I don't support Voldemort in any way. I'm a 'pureblood,' as I told you, but my parents aren't bigots and neither am I. I've even told you that my parents are (or were in my mum's case) Aurors. I'm on the Anti-Voldemort side…

MQ: Do you like pumpkin juice? (Clearly, I'm stumped for anything else).

MA: Yeah, it's better than orange juice.

Love Always,

Raven

-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-

"Lily." Three female voices said simultaneously, effectively pulling Lily out of her reverie.

"Wha?-Ah!" Lily cried incoherently, noticeably jumping in her seat.

The startled girl looked up and her eyes quickly darted around before she realized the three criminals stood mere inches before her. She glared indignantly. The three criminals, females, her best friends, whatever, grinned innocently. Her suspicions were raised.

"What do you want?" She asked in a low tone.

They grinned at her again. However, their faces quickly became anxious and they looked towards another. Suddenly, it hit Lily. Why were they approaching her _together_? Celia, Bridget, and Maddy were _not_ friends. Not really. They sort of pretended to be friends, and it was 'sort of' because it was known they didn't like each other, they just (generally) didn't voice it. And, the three girls had never approached Lily together; they rarely willingly agreed to be near one another. And now, now they were coming to Lily acting like coconspirators, comrades even. What was going on?

"Well, Lily, it's like this…" Maddy began, trailing off once she realized she didn't know how to phrase what it was like.

"We, er, well- we decided…" Bridget started, before she realized she wasn't exactly sure what they decided.

"We, well…we're teaming up against you." Celia said. She had started off uncertain of what she spoke, but ended in a firm tone.

"Teaming up against me?" Lily repeated disbelievingly.

The three girls nodded.

"But you guys hate each other!" Lily said suddenly, surprising herself so much she clamped a hand over her mouth as her eyes widened.

"Hate was never the right word." Bridget said,

"Disagreed on things," Celia suggested,

"Misunderstood each other," Maddy said,

The three girls nodded in a sort of agreement as to what they'd said.

"But," Celia said, "now, we're fine. We've come to an understanding of sorts, and we're okay now."

"We've put our differences behind us." Bridget said.

"And," Maddy said, "it's all thanks to you."

"Me?" Lily asked in surprise. Her head was swimming…

"Yes, you."

"I see…how did I…what…how…"

"Well, Celia and I approached Maddy because we were concerned about you and James."

"You _what?_" Bridget ignored her.

"And, Maddy wholeheartedly agreed with our opinions on the matter. As we were discussing the topic at hand, our previous issues with one another came up, naturally."

"Naturally." Lily muttered sarcastically.

"And," Celia said, continuing Bridget's speech as though Lily had never opened her mouth (perhaps she thought Lily would stop interrupting if she were the one talking), "we worked all of our issues out. Now, we're all great."

"They're great." She muttered to herself, in a state of more than a bit of disbelief.

"And," Maddy said, shooting daggers at Lily for being so rude, "we've decided that if we can put our differences aside given our pasts- you and James can put your differences aside given yours."

Lily had nothing to say to that. First of all, she still couldn't believe her best friends were okay with each other now. It would take some getting used to, having best friends who were friends (though she doubted they'd ever become truly close) . And, second of all, their argument about getting along with James was a very sound one. It probably wouldn't have convinced her if she and James were still fighting, but seeing as she wasn't currently angry at him- they had her agreement. It's funny how things like that work, isn't it?

Anyway, it was apparent that the well-meaning girls weren't entirely up to date. They didn't know that she and James were getting along. Lily had to keep from laughing at the realization they were sort of like those "on again/off again" couples. At any given time of any given day, one could never know whether or not they were on good terms. It was practically impossible to have the latest knowledge. But, what was really scary was that her brain was relating herself and James to a _couple._ Lily quickly banished the thought process.

"What is this? An intervention?" She asked incredulously.

"Essentially." Maddy said,

"Just not so extreme." Bridget continued. Lily had to pause so she could hold bac a laugh. She shook her head.

"I hate to break it to you… but you're not really up to date on the status of James' and my relationship." Their eyes bugged, Lily realized their inference of what she had just said. _Oh, bugger!_ "No!" she cried, "Not like _that_. We just worked everything out, we're friends again." Their faces fell. She rolled her eyes.

"So," Maddy said, turning to her new friends and speaking as if Lily wasn't there, "How long do you think it'll take before they're fighting again?" Lily's mouth opened and she made an indignant noise.

"I give them a week, maybe two." Celia said.

"Around there sounds about right." Bridget agreed.

"I resent this. We can get along." Lily said, cutting in as she crossed her arms.

Maddy rolled her eyes,

"The day you and James Potter stop fighting is the day that I confess I'm in love with Sirius Black." Maddy said.

"You are in love with Sirius!" Lily cried,

"But she hasn't admitted it." Celia pointed out.

"I am _not_ in love with Sirius Black. I mean, come on! Who…who would…really, Lily. You know I have better taste than that! Well, I mean, no…it's not that liking Sirius would be bad taste…I just don't love him. And he's totally not dateable. Can you imagine him in a real relationship?"

"I think the lady doth protest too much." Lily said with a knowing smirk. Celia and Bridget grinned. Maddy gave an indignant "hmph!"

"She sounds like you about James." Bridget said. Lily's mouth dropped in shock.

"Hey!" Lily cried. Maddy simply snorted with laughter. "I am not in love with James."

"And I'm not in love with Sirius." No, Lily thought, you just want to drag him into the nearest broom closet. Lily knew that her best friend found Sirius Black desirable, but she didn't think she really fancied him or wanted a relationship with him- despite what Celia and Bridget seemed to believe.

"They're in denial…it's so cute." Celia said in a low voice.

"It really is." Bridget said with a nod.

"It'll be so cute…James and Lily…Sirius and Maddy…two best friends dating two best friends…"

"You really think they'll get together?"

"Definitely. Eventually at least."

What none of the girls knew, couldn't know, was that they were only half right. But, they'd find out eventually. Until then, they had wonderful material to tease Maddy about.

-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-

Meanwhile, it was evening, and three of the Marauders lay on their respective beds in their dorm room. Two were concentrated on their homework, but one was like a caged animal. Nerves, regret, and _guilt_ plagued him. He began pacing, thinking about what he had done. He wasn't sure what to do. He had done something, and he had come to realize once it was done that it was the stupidest thing he had ever done. He needed to fix it, he realized that, he just didn't know how. But, he quickly realized there was only way to somehow correct what he had done…He had to talk to James.

Sirius stopped pacing, and looked over at his best friend. The messy-haired boy was bent over his Transfiguration essay. It was about Animagi, the difficulties and dangers of becoming one; it was probably the easiest assignment they'd ever get during Hogwarts given their experience with the topic. Sirius bit his lip, he knew he had to tell someone, knew he needed help to fix this, but he wasn't sure… No, he had to. He had no other choice.

"Er, Prongs?" He asked tentatively, as he approached James on his bed.

James looked up, and grinned at his friend.

"Yeah, Padfoot?"

"I have something I have to tell you."

"Okay…"

"I…I…"

"What?"

"I…I told Snape."

"Told him what?"

"About Moony…well, actually, I told him how to get into the Whomping Willow. You know how he's been sticking into his nose about where we keep going. And he was being a prat, as per usual, so I told him how to find out where we keep going."

James' eyes were wide, and anger began to pulse heavily through his veins. He jumped up off the bed, his books and essay forgotten.

"You moron!" He shouted.

"I'm sorry!" Sirius cried.

"You're sorry?" James yelled, livid. "Do you realize what you've done?"

"I told you...that counts for something… doesn't it?" Sirius said in quiet voice

"It doesn't count for anything, you idiot! You…Do you know what could, would, _will_ happen to Moony if anything happens to Snape?"

Sirius shook his head.

"They won't just kick him out of Hogwarts, Pads. That's the bare minimum punishment he'll get. They'll probably just send him to Azkaban for life if he infects Snape…but if he kills him? They'll kill Moony, and not painlessly either. YOU IDIOT!"

Sirius' eyes were wide, and he had to choke back a sob. He hadn't known…hadn't realized…Moony…Oh, Merlin… Why hadn't he thought about the consequences for Moony?

"We have to…do something." He choked out.

"We?" James scoffed, "No. _You've_ done enough. I'll take it from here. It's time for me to clean up your mess…again." He paused, "C'mon Pete, we have to go."

Peter's eyes were wide. He shook his head furiously.

"I-I can't. James, if they catch us…We'll get expelled…and if they find out that we're Animagi…we'll go to Azkaban. James, I _can't._"

James shook his head in disgust at them both.

"Moony will be glad to know what great friends he has." And with that, James grabbed his cloak, and his wand which had been sitting at the foot of his bed.

Sirius stood there numbly for a moment, as James stormed off. Then he shook his head quickly, and ran after him. He took the stairs two by two, and stopped at the foot of them. James was halfway to the portrait.

"James!" Sirius called, pausing on the bottom step. "I'm coming with." He said decidedly.

James stopped, and swerved around with a scowl on his face.

"I think you've done enough damage for one night, Sirius…"

Sirius gulped.

"James." He said helplessly.

"Go to bed. I have to go undo what you did." Sirius nodded numbly, able to do anything else.

James turned back around and stalked out of the common room. Sirius stood there, watching his retreating back and then watched the portrait swing to a close. He was miserable... He shook his glumly, and turned around padding up the stairs softly. He never noticed the redhead sitting on the window-seat who had witnessed the entire scene.

-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-

Dear Raven,

I am so disappointed. Not paying attention in class? Shame, shame. Although, I'll admit- Slughorn does have his dull moments. I mean, his lectures can get awfully long winded…

If one of us is nuts…it's most certainly not me. You're the one who's barmy. I mean, really…

I guess we might know each other outside of this. I mean, you're right, we're probably not best friends or anything close…If we were, we would have definitely at least had concrete suspicions of who the other is. However, as well as we get along in letters, it surprises me to think we could be friends or acquaintances and not get along wonderfully. Which makes me think that we really don't know each other outside of a name, face, and a few obscure facts.

Your friend Scotty sounds like a real tried and true genius…My friends also amaze me sometimes. Like Meg, my best friend…She always manages to do what I would least expect her too. You'd think that after almost six years, I'd be immune to it all, and that nothing could surprise me. However, she has some ridiculously marvelous talent for always doing what I'd never expect. I don't know how she does it…although, I suppose that's part of how she manages to surprise me…

Are you completely swamped by all the N.E.W.T.s homework? I know I am. I have multiple large stacks of books, and a pile of assignments that matches. It's unbelievable…Are we attending Azkaban, or Hogwarts?

I'm glad to know you aren't a Voldemort supporter…And I'm surprised you used the name too. Although, I think more people are willing to write it than say it. But, I suppose the reason I use it is because as a Muggleborn, I didn't grow up with the fear of the name. And we don't fear any names in the Muggle world, and there are probably several we could for the same reasons that the name Voldemort is feared. However, to me, the fear makes no sense. I don't tend to speak the name around those other than my close friends, just not to cause surprise at my usage of the name, and to avoid conflict in case our viewpoints disagree. But, what about you?

YQ: Do you like Pumpkin Juice?

MA: Why, yes, I do. And, aren't you random today? Or weren't you random whatever day you wrote your letter…

MQ: What's your favorite thing about Summer Holidays? (And I mean aside from 'no homework')

MA: Sleep! I sleep so much better when I'm at home…And I enjoy seeing my family, as tense as things can be at times.

Love Always,

Emerald

-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-

James was furious as he made his way to the Whomping Willow. He glanced out a window as he passed it, and saw he had only a few minutes until moonrise. He swore out loud. He couldn't believe this. It was supposed to be a normal transformation. They were just about to leave to join Remus in the shack. And then, then Padfoot confessed. Sweet Merlin, what had the _idiot_ been thinking? Sirius had done many stupid things in the past, and James had aided him with many of said things…but Sirius had never done anything as stupid as _this_.

James found himself unbelievably angry at his best friend. That his friend would put Remus in danger like that, and even that he put Snape in danger like that. Sure, James hated Snivellus, and he loved to torture him. But he didn't want Snape to _die_, or become a werewolf. It wasn't just about Remus, although that was a huge part of it. It was about Snape too. And what an idiot Sirius was. Merlin, James had never expected the man to do anything so stupid. He hadn't known Sirius even had the _capability_ to do something so stupid.

He shoved the doors that led to outside open, and broke out into a jog towards the Whomping Willow. A few feet away, he stopped. How was he supposed to get inside? Peter had always let them in, as a rat it was a cinch for him to get in. And Padfoot could really probably transform and let them in as well. But Peter was being a bloody coward (James saw his point, but honestly! Remus was his friend, and there were lives at stake! The boy was supposed to be a Gryffindor for crying out loud!). And Sirius, well James had forbidden Sirius from coming. Sirius would just have made it worse. James wasn't willing to admit now he would have made getting past the tree into the tunnel better at least.

How was he supposed to get inside? He was a stag, a stag couldn't get to the knot. But it made more sense than to try as a human. And maybe with his antlers…James transformed, and tried to trot towards the knot. Several deep scratches later, he realized that wasn't going to help. He transformed back into a human. This would be a more painful way to get inside, but he really had no choice. And he was more agile in human form anyway. But, Merlin, why couldn't he have been a smaller animal? It would have helped to play with Remus, Sirius, and Peter better, certainly. And, Merlin, would it help him now.

But, that wasn't the issue at hand. He had to get to the knot. He faked left, and went right. The tree slashed his side with a branch. _Shit!_ He thought, _that __hurts._ He tried ducking in and out of the branches, that earned him two more cuts- and a lot more pain. However, he was so close…almost to where he could get to it. He grabbed the stick that was lying at his feet, and bending in an odd way, managed to press the tip of the stick to the knot. And the tree froze.

"YES!" James cried triumphantly. "THANK YOU!"

But he didn't have time to rejoice, he had to get into the tree. He had to save Snape, and protect Moony. He darted into the tree, and took off down the tunnel at a full out run. He heard howls, and recognized them as the howls of Moony- not a transforming Remus. _Bloody hell_. He heard something else though…yelling, it was yelling. Snape. _Great, the git's in there with him!_ James realized as he got closer.

"HELP!" Snape was yelling, "Someone help me! He's going to kill me! PLEASE!"

James paused for an instant to transform. He reached the doorway to the Shack, and saw it was open. He trotted inside, and surveyed the scene before him. Moony was there, of course, and Snape too. Moony had Snape effectively cornered. The wolf's teeth were bared and he was growling at his would-be prey. Snape was whimpering, and still begging for help.

He had to distract Moony so Snape could escape…Moony hadn't detected his presence, which wasn't too surprising. He was distracted by his prey. James stomped his front paws on the floor. Moony whirled around in surprise. The wolf paused, and surprise and confusion were evident for a long instant that felt like a millennium. Then, Moony, or Remus, one of them, recognized him, and James saw Remus awakened. Moony and Remus were reminded that the being of the body they shared was human, not wolf, and he didn't want to kill anyone. But then, Moony took control back and Remus' person was squashed once again. However, he still recognized his friend, and gave a happy howl that his friend had joined him. He missed the rest of his pack, but he wasn't alone. And now he had someone to share his prey with.

Moony looked like he was about to turn back to Snape, but James had to keep him distracted. He charged three steps forward towards the wolf before retreating two. The wolf's thoughts had left Snape long enough that he was able to be distracted from his prey, and he allowed himself to be drawn into play. Moony charged, but the stag darted out of his way. Moony tried again, and was too involved in the play to notice the stag motion with his head for Snape to escape. Moony charged again, and the stag darted again. But before Moony could try _again_, the stag charged and cornered him.

Moony was startled. He was never cornered. He was in charge. He won all the playful games of his pack. And his pack never cornered him. He whimpered for the stag to let him out. Suddenly, movement alerted him. The prey was escaping. The wolf tried to communicate this to the stag, he tried to get the stag to let him recapture the prey, but the stag was firm. The prey, or Snape as the stag thought of him as, ran out towards the door. In his clumsy movement and fear (Moony could smell it) the prey stumbled and fell out of the room.

The stag began to back up, preventing Moony from approaching the prey but getting closer to the prey himself. Moony was confused, what was his packmate doing? The stag kept backing away, and the wolf whimpered in protest. He didn't want his friend to leave. But the stag kept backing up until he was out of the room. Moony ran after his friend, but the door slammed shut, hitting his muzzle. He whimpered in pain. But, wait, now…now he smelled two humans! Where had the stag gone? Where had the other human come from?

Prey…it was so close. Moony jumped up and down, clawing at the door. He howled and whimpered, did anything and everything he could to get to his prey. But the prey retreated and soon Moony could no longer sense them. Finally, Moony gave up and sat for a moment. However, the urges to scratch and claw were too much…Finally, the wolf began to mutilate himself…It would be a long night…

Once James made it through the doorway, he quickly transformed back into a human. He slammed the door shut, and hear Moony whimper in pain. He had hit the wolf in the muzzle. _Sorry Remus._ He thought. He turned around to see Snape.

"Potter…" he mumbled.

_Bloody hell_, James thought,_ he saw me transform. As if he hasn't seen enough tonight that could ruin lives…_ But before James could say anything, Snape was out. James groaned. He was _not_ carrying the oaf back to the castle. But, wait, he had his wand- he could just levitate the git to the Hospital Wing.

So, James levitated Snape back into the castle. His mind was filled with Sirius and his stupidity, and Remus, his near fate, and the reaction he would have to the event. But he tried to push those thoughts to the side; he really didn't want to think about all that. Besides, he had to decide what he was going to do about Snape. He had to take Snape to the Hospital Wing. The greasy git had several scratches, not to mention he was unconscious. He didn't appear to have any bites though. Not as far as James could tell. So, really, there would be no harm if Dumbledore and Pomfrey never found out about all of this. James just had to figure out how to get Snape to keep his mouth shut…

He paused, leaving Snape levitating in the air in place as he thought. What to do? Well…he could tell Pomfrey that Snape had been messing with the Whomping Willow and that was how he got the injuries. After such an encounter it would be very feasible that one would pass out. So, that was that. He just had to tell Snape and convince him to keep quiet…And a threat would work for that. He hated to do it (sort of), but he really had no other choice. He just had to tell Snape before Snape could talk to Pomfrey. But wait…what about _his_ injuries? Not only would his story no longer be plausible, but the nurse would make him stay in the Hospital Wing. Wait…a concealment charm! _Perfect._

James quickly concealed his cuts and scratches. It was as if he'd never been hurt, making his story totally believable. He grinned. Plans calculated, he began walking again- Snape continuing to levitate alongside him as he went. Finally, he reached the Hospital Wing. He entered the room with Snape trailing behind him (he had to resist the urge to let the door close on the unconscious boy "accidentally"). Madam Pomfrey came out of her office at the noise and her eyes bugged.

"Mr. Potter," she called in a strict voice as she bustled over, "What happened here?"

"Snape was trying to do something with the Whomping Willow tree. I'm not sure what exactly. I caught him in the act, saw it thrashing him around. But by the time I got close enough to do anything he was passed out. So I brought him up here."

"How kind of you." Madam Pomfrey said in a voice that clearly showed she didn't quite believe him.

He grinned.

"Well, just levitate him to that bed over there." She said, pointing, "I'll go get some potions, oh- and my wand of course." And Madam Pomfrey hussled away.

James had Snape's body move over until it was hovering over the bed that Madam Pomfrey had pointed out. Had it been anyone else, James would have slowly lowered them onto the bed. Since it was Snape, James muttered the counterspell and Snape fell with a 'thud' onto the bed.

"Oops." He said in a small sarcastic voice.

While it wasn't intentional on James' part, the movement startled Snape to consciousness again. He blinked for a minute, adjusting to the change in light and location. But suddenly it all hit him at once, and an instant later he saw James.

"T-thank you." He whispered weakly, barely able to look James in the eye. "I…I owe you…" James nodded, in neither agreement, nor disagreement.

"Just…keep your mouth shut. About Remus and about me…" No need in mentioning Sirius or Peter. "And trust me; if you don't...I'll see to it that you _will_ lead a _very_ miserable life."

Snape nodded with a nervous look on his face. And then Pomfrey came back with potion bottles in hand.

"Ah, Mr. Snape- you're awake…Now, tell me- what pray tell encouraged you to play with the Whomping Willow? Clearly, that was a very dangerous and stupid thing to do…"

James had already been backing away, hoping to leave without questioning or any comments from Pomfrey. He was afraid she would begin to wonder why he had been outside in the first place…Snape darted a glance at James when Pomfrey mentioned playing with the tree, but James just cocked an eyebrow as if to say 'well?' Snape turned back to Pomfrey and said something along the lines of "I don't know…" And then James had backed all the way to the door and was gone.

James trudged back up to Gryffindor Tower tired and depressed. He briefly wondered if he should turn around and go to keep Remus company, but it was probably best not to chance it. Plus, even if Sirius was a bloody idiot, and Peter a bloody coward they were still surely dying from wondering of what happened. And, he should probably put their minds at ease. Deep down he felt like letting them suffer a little longer, but he realized that wasn't the right thing to do. Sometimes, it really sucked doing the right thing…

James reached the portrait, and found the Fat Lady to be sleeping. He gave a loud cough, and with a glare she awoke. Before she could make a comment, James said "gillyweed" and she swung to let him in. He wasn't in the mood to explain himself, and he knew she wouldn't tell on him. She'd never told on the Marauders.

He walked into the common room, finally realizing how tired and defeated he felt. Wanting nothing more than to crash on his bed, he prepared to trudge up to his dorms. However, the loud sound of someone clearing their throat caused him to stop in his tracks. He turned his head, and spotted a redhead sitting in the window-seat watching him intently. He gulped, he was definitely in for it...

"'Lo Lily,"

* * *

**There has been a significant decline in reviews, especially for the last chapter. Can we please remedy that? **

**p.s. I found my old copy of MSPP, and I was finally able to find out what Lily's name was before (I could remember James', but not Lily's) it was **_Jewels_**! I haven't been able to read much yet...I'm hoping I can find some good questions out of it...It's getting more and more difficult to come out with some...**

**p.p.s. I had** 4,886 words **for this chapter **before the ANs**...my largest chapter yet...YAY ME!**

**p.p.p.s. Please read my new oneshot called "Being There" it's about a depressed Harry the night before his wedding and the visit he receives from James...**

_I'll post again when I can while I'm gone!_


	17. Explaining and Confessing

**AN:** I know, I know, I know. I was supposed to post _three weeks_ ago. And, obviously, I didn't...This is the point where I can lie. I could say that I didn't have internet access while I was gone, or that I forgot to upload the story to the website. Well, the second part is actually a little true. But, the main truth, is I didn't quite finish the chapter before I left. And I was going to upload the chapter to the site so I could maybe finish it and upload it if I could get enough internet time...but I didn't upload it- because I forgot. Although I can't promise I would have finished the chapter if I had uploaded it. Anyway, that explains the lack of postage until July 21st...but then band camp started. And I was still exhausted from Europe, and band camp exhausted me more (not to mention frustrated me beyond belief) and thus...no more postage...And now- band is winding down a tad...and I'm finally in the mood where I can force myself to write...So, finally, here's a chapter.

I'm really sorry for the delay, I really am...Please, don't yell at me for it. It wasn't planned.

* * *

September 2013: Edited/tweaked. See AN in Chapter One for details.

* * *

Dear Emerald,

Do you mean to say you pay attention every moment of every class? That you always take notes on the lectures, and never write notes to your friends? That you don't talk with people around you, and you stay on task during practicals? C'mon…

Me, crazy? I don't think so. I am absolutely sane. It's not crazy to run around in the rain every chance I get…or to stalk Filch through the hallways at night to make him think he's crazy…or to prank McGonagall…or well, really, isn't that enough proof I'm completely normal?

I do have large piles of N.E.W.T.s homework…however, I don't let me stress it out…Honestly, not everything we learn here at Hogwarts is stuff that the professors think we really need to know…A lot of it is stuff we learn to better learn how to learn, if that makes any sense at all. Besides, all that stress isn't good for you…Yes, do the work, and do it right for that matter- but don't kill yourself in the process…

I don't believe in what Voldemort believes. Not at all. I don't believe there's anything wrong with being a Muggle-born or a halfblood. The greatest witch I know, who's my age at least- if not the greatest I know at all, is a Muggle-born. Being Muggle-born doesn't mean you're bad at magic, or that you don't deserve to be magical. All it means is that because you're newer to the world, and you didn't grow up learning things about it- you're further behind when you come to Hogwarts. But it's not like you're impossibly far behind…

YQ: What's your favorite thing about Summer Holidays?

MA: Well, I'll agree with you on the sleep…I love it. But I think my favorite thing is being able to schedule my own time. I can fly all day if I want to, or I can hang out with my friends, or I can curl up with a book…I can do whatever I want, well- almost whatever.

MQ: Have you ever been in love?

MA: No. There's a girl I really like, I've mentioned her- remember?, and my friends tease me about loving her…but I'm not sure I'm at that point yet. I adore her, but I'm afraid to use the word love…

Love Always,

Raven

p.s. I'm sorry this letter is so short...I just have a lot on my mind...

-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-

"'Lo Lily." James said.

"What happened?" Lily asked from her space standing by the window that overlooked Hogwarts' grounds.

"What do you mean?" James asked nervously, brushing a hand through his hair. Lily ignored the behavior that irked her so much.

"I saw…well, I'm not sure what I saw, but I saw enough to know something happened."

James sighed, and crossed the room before he flopped on the plush red couch that sat in front of the fireplace. He looked at Lily, raising his eyebrows as if to say "Care to join me?" Reluctantly, she went over and sat next to him.

"How much did you see?" He asked, looking at the fire rather than her.

"Well, I saw you run into the common room from your dorm looking worried and angry. I saw Sirius following you, and then I heard him say he was 'coming with.' I saw you stop, swerve around, and say he'd done enough enough damage for one night." James winced,

"Oh, Merlin…how many people saw that?"

"Just me. Everyone seemed to retire early tonight. I was just about to myself when you and Sirius came through. Then I decided to stay up and keep an out through the window."

"What did Sirius do after I left?"

"Skulked back upstairs, he didn't even see me."

James nodded. "That all you saw?"

"I saw you transform outside the tree…a stag James?"

He grinned and nodded, and turned his heard toward her.

"Nice." His grin grew wider at her approval. "I mean, I saw you transform the first time- so this wasn't a new revelation…We've just never really talked about this."

"Not after your _lovely_ conversation about the topic with Sirius."

She laughed. "Yes, that was a, er, interesting conversation."

"Anyways, back to tonight. See anything else?"

"I saw you transform back when you realized you couldn't freeze the tree as a deer." James turned his head back to the fire.

"Well, it seemed like a good idea at first. Then I realized I was too big as a stag and that I could probably get to the knot better as a human"

"It was dangerous you know. Trying to...you could have really gotten hurt."

"Yeah, I know. But I had no choice. Usually Peter freezes the tree, he's a rat- literally not figuratively, but he was too afraid to go down when he heard Snape would be there. He's a rotten coward, but I suppose I understand. I could have used Padfoot, Sirius- he's a dog, but I, of course, didn't want him down there."

"James…I saw the tree strike you several times. But…I don't see any scratches or cuts."

"Concealed 'em." He said with a sheepish grin, turning his gaze back from the fire towards her. "Didn't want Pomfrey to admit me when I brought her Snape."

"You need to get them looked at."

"They're fine."

"James they could get infected."

"I don't want to go to the Hospital Wing!" Lily sighed, "Besides, if I get Pomfrey to look at them she'll ask more questions than I want asked."

"I'll drop this for now, because I want to hear the rest of what happened. But you will get those scratches and cuts looked at."

Outwardly James groaned, but inside he was heartened that she cared so much.

"Right, so is that all you saw?"

"Other than seeing you levitating Snape out, yes- that's all I saw."

"Right, well…I get inside the Willow and-"

"Wait. I still don't know how this all started in the beginning."

"Oh, right. Well, Snivellus did…something. I'm not sure what. He pissed Sirius off with it, whatever it was. And he's been asking questions and stuff, looking at us funny, listening in. I think he's suspected of Remus', er, "furry little problem" as I call it." Lily grinned at this and gave a rather delicate snort of laughter, which only made James grin,

"I don't think he suspected me, Sirius, and Peter- but you never know. Anyway, he pissed Sirius off, and this was maybe two days or so ago I guess. Because Sirius has been off the past couple of days, but up until tonight he wouldn't tell me anything. He finally spilled tonight what he did. I…I snapped at him. I…I can't believe he would do something so _stupid._ I know that he's Sirius, and he does stuff without thinking sometimes. And I get that Snape can be a greasy git, and that he and Sirius have always gotten along even worse than Snape and I. But…I can't believe he would set Snape up like that…"

James turned his head back to the fire. He looked a mixture of depressed and angry. And Lily understood. He was hurt that his best friend could do that, and angry as well. And he was very angry that he, James, had to bail said friend out.

"I'm sorry, James." She said, placing a hand on his arm. He turned his head back towards her, and gave her a small smile.

"Thanks, Lily."

"So." She said, in a brighter tone, trying to lighten the conversation. "You were saying?"

"Oh, right. Well… where was I?"

"You had just gotten past the Whomping Willow."

"Oh, right. Well, I've gotten inside the Willow, if you will. And I can hear Remus howling. Not that I couldn't hear him distantly before, but it's much louder now. I hear human yelling too- and it's, of course, Snape. I take off running towards them, pausing to transfigure when I got near. I charged in and saw that Moony had Snape huddled in a corner. Moony was in front of him, effectively cornering him, growling and baring his teeth. Snape was whimpering."

Lily couldn't help but notice that James word none of the usual expressions he wore while tormenting, or thinking about tormenting, Snape. No smirk, no mischievous gleam in his eyes, no proudness or conceit. However, guilt and distress laced his expression. He really felt bad about what Snape had been put through. _Maybe he really is more mature than I've always thought._

"…I had to distract Moony so I stomped my front hooves on the ground making him whirl around. Luckily, he recognized me almost instantly. I can control him to a certain extent, but only herding and distracting for the most part. Padfoot's the only one who can really restrain him. But, he recognized me and that unclouded his mind a bit. He remembered he's actually human and that Snape didn't deserve to be his prey. By the clear-headedness lasted only about five seconds.

"He was about to turn back to Snape but I kept him distracted. I motioned with my head towards the door for Snape to escape- but he didn't move. I managed to corner Moony and then Snape ran out. 'Course he toppled over once he was out the door…But I backed out of the room as a stag, transfigured back and locked Moony in. Snape saw me transform, and was lucid enough to mutter my name before he passed out from all the stress. I levitated Snape back to the castle. Told Pomfrey I found Snape messing with the Whomping Willow and that he collapsed from the efforts and injuries he received. Pomfrey went off to get some Potions or something and then Snape came back to. It all seemed to hit him at once. He managed to choke out a "thank you," I just managed to warn him that I'd make the rest of his life miserable if he told anyone what happened."

"Wow."

"Yeah."

"I…I'm proud of you James." James gave her a curious look. "I…you did a good thing. And I'm proud that you were mature enough to save the life of some one who you detest so much without question. You really proved me wrong regarding your maturity."

"Well, I couldn't let him die Lily." James said, a frown on his face at the thought that he'd do anything but save Snape.

"I know."

"I…I can't believe that you think _that_ badly about me."

"I don't, I don't think I ever have. I just…I wouldn't have expected that you would risk as much as you did to save the life of someone like Snape. I know how much you hate him, and you put a lot on the line for him tonight. And…it just proved how mature you are…I know you're a good guy James. I don't like to admit it that I know it, but…" She grinned, and they both laughed. "Now, I want see those cuts."

"Li-ily." He whined.

"Either I look at them, or you go to the Hospital Wing and Madam Pomfrey looks at them."

James considered his options. Let Lily, the girl he fancied, play Healer and look at his wounds- or go to the Hospital Wing (where his arch nemesis was currently residing) and let the horse-faced nurse examine his cuts. He chose Lily.

"Fine." She beamed, he groaned.

"Take off the concealment charm." She said with a commanding voice she somehow made sound gentle.

"Yes m'am." He muttered, before murmuring the counterspell and shrugging off his robes so she could properly see his arms.

"I heard that." She replied- right before she gasped.

It's nothing. He had said. If that wasn't the biggest load of bull shit she had ever heard…Merlin, it was amazing he had lived- let alone that he had managed to save Snape's life. Cuts were not only on his arms, but on his face too. And no doubt on his chest and back as well. Lily vaguely wondered if they were all from the tree- or if Remus had given him some as well.

"Merlin, Lily, it's not _that_ bad." He said,

"James, it's…you could have been _killed_."

"But I wasn't."

"Yes, but _James_-"

"Lily, I'm not going to get into this with you. Now, are you going to heal my cuts or am I going to cast the concealment spell back on."

"Fine, I'll drop it…Where else, aside from here?"

"My chest…and back,"

She nodded firmly, although it was clear she was still reeling from the sight of his injuries. James didn't know why, she'd seen cuts before. But, he underestimated the extent of his cuts.

"Well, take off your shirt."

He opened his mouth to make some joke, but closed his mouth when he thought better of it. It was a good thing too, because while he'd never know it, he won points in Lily's mind for refraining from making any comments. He pulled at his shirt, and lifted it over his head. He felt a little awkward sitting there, on the couch in the common room, in front of the fire, under the eyes of his longtime crush. Especially since said crush hadn't stopped looking at him, and she was so…well, James wasn't sure what the phrase was. Intent in her gaze, maybe.

Lily, meanwhile, was inwardly surprised that James still managed to look very good without a shirt on despite many cuts. No, this was James Potter. She did not think he looked good shirtless. Because he was James Potter, and she was Lily Evans, one of the few girls in the school who did _not_ fancy James, find him sexy and/or irresistible. She shook her head slightly, and then picked up her wand, muttering a few different spells, aiming different ones at different cuts and scratches.

"Remus is vicious, huh?"

James snorted. "Only in his furry form." She smiled.

She muttered a few more well aimed spells, and finally nodded approvingly.

"There, perfect." James couldn't resist.

"Oh, so I look perfect shirtless, huh?" He said with a teasing smirk.

She shook her head, refusing to show the smile that was threatening to cross her face.

"And you were doing so well."

He laughed, and she shoved him playfully.

"Put your shirt back on."

"But why?" He whined, "I mean, if I look perfect without it…" Her mouth widened in shock at his comment, and she shoved him playfully again. But this time, she let the smile emerge as she did so.

"Why, you…" He laughed as she shoved him, and he half fell off the couch. But she grabbed his arm, preventing him from falling. They froze for an instant, James leaning forward on his side at an awkward angle in the air, sort of; Lily grabbing onto his arm, her face a good distance from his, but yet his face felt far too close to hers. And then Lily pulled back, and let go of his arm and the moment was over.

"Put your shirt on." She muttered, not awkwardly but rather jokingly and lightly- just said in an exasperated tone. He obliged.

They were silent for a moment.

"What now?" Lily asked.

"I don't know…" he said honestly, sighing slightly, and putting his face in his hands for a moment.

"I suppose you have to talk to Sirius." Lily said,

"I ought to, but…I just don't feel like I can speak to him right now.

"Understandable, but he ought to know that Snape is okay- right?"

"I suppose. Although, I honestly rather enjoy the thought of him suffering for a while- after what he did…" He trailed off, his face dark.

Lily put a comforting arm on his shoulder,

"I know." He managed a small smile. There was silence for a moment. "What are you going to do about Remus?" She finally asked. James groaned.

"I'll have to tell him. It's unlikely he'll remember. He only generally remembers bits of his time during the transformation during the good ones, and tonight didn't appear to be a good one. And since we've started accompanying him, his self-mutilation has lessened. But since we're not there he's going to be clawing and nipping at himself. I'd have gone back after taking Snape to the Infirmary, but after letting his prey escape it's probably safer for me and him that he's left alone today. I secured him before I left, so he'll be okay in the end, hopefully."

"How do you think he'll take it?"

"Not well…He'll probably want to never let us keep him company during his transformation again. He's going to start questioning whether or not it's safe for him to be around people, ever, all over again. "

Lily knew that his distress over this was not for himself, but rather for his friend. James may have liked their escapades, but it suddenly became clear to Lily that was just a very good bonus. He just wanted to help his friend, he could live without the adventures as long as he could continue to make the full moon less painful for Remus.

"I can't believe I'm saying this, but tell him I'm on your side. I'll even plead your case if need be."

"I can't believe you're saying it either." James said with a small laugh.

She gave a wry smile.

"You've done the right thing, James, in all of this. I know I put up a fuss about keeping your secrets a secret, but I came to realize it was the right thing. Even before that stupid prank Sirius pulled to convince me to keep my mouth shut. Yes, it was stupid and dangerous to try and become Animagi- but you did it. And you did it to help your best mate, to make it less painful for him. And you did, you've made it so much better for him. I'm sure it meant the world to Remus that you accepted that he was a werewolf, that you didn't push him away. But that you tried to help him, that you tried to make things better for him, that you tried to make it less painful? I have no doubt that meant everything.

"And tonight, you did the right thing too. You were right in making Sirius stay behind. You were right in going after Snape, even though the tree nearly killed you. You were right in how you got Snape out, and you were right in taking Snape to the Hospital Wing and not saying exactly how he was injured. And if you ever repeat this I'll deny ever saying it, but you were right in threatening Snape so he stayed quiet. I still say you should have showed Pomfrey your injuries…but I don't suppose you can do everything right, can you?"

James looked at her, and had to force himself to break the gaze by turning his head towards the fire. Lily wouldn't know how much those words meant to him. How much her approval of his actions would mean. Because with the exception of what had happened with his sister, he had never- and possibly never would for the rest of his life- questioned his actions so much. He knew he needed to go after Snape and save him, there was no question of that, but everything else? Lily's words, however, quieted those questions a lot. Not entirely, of course, but it helped.

"Thank you." He managed to whisper while looking at the fire. He turned his head to find her smiling at him. She paused.

"You should probably go upstairs and talk to Sirius before he does something even more stupid." She said quietly, now looking at the fire herself.

"You think he could do something more stupid?" James asked, only half joking.

"He might find away." She said wryly.

He sighed. Lily was right, he shouldn't put off the inevitable. He paused, and then stood up. She looked up at him, watching him as he stood there for a moment- looking at her.

"Thank you, Lily, for everything."

"Anytime." She whispered, surprised at exactly how much she meant it.

He gave her a wry smile, and his face said something like 'well, here it goes' and he picked up his robes that he had never put back on and walked away, his footsteps becoming quieter and quieter the further he trudged up the stairway.

And Lily was surprised at how much she missed his presence.

-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-

As James climbed the stairs leading to his dormitory, he pondered how he should feel. Angry at Sirius, definitely. Sad at the realization of how Remus would take it all. Yet, the feelings of euphoria his conversation with Lily threatened to cancel those feelings out. Lily and he had had a few pleasant conversations since they had become friends. However, that conversation was different… especially since at first he had expected Lily to be mad, he was still surprised she wasn't. But he knew better than to push his luck.

However, as James pushed open the dormitory door, just as a goofy grin threatened to break across his face, his euphoria was gone. One sight of Sirius, who had sat up to an alert state at the sight of James, and he was fuming. And seeing Peter only made it worse. He was so angry at both the betrayer and coward, although way more so at the betrayer. He could understand Peter's fear at getting involved, and with James setting off to take care of the problem regardless of his participation, he probably felt justified in protecting himself and staying out of the way.

"What happened?" Sirius demanded. James glared. Sirius gulped. "Is…is Remus okay?"

"Don't you think that it would be a better idea to ask how Snape is given that Remus is already a werewolf, and you almost made Snape become one?" James snapped as he stalked over to his bed, taking off his scarf as he moved.

Sirius winced.

"Well, how are they? Both of them? How are you?"

"Remus is still a transformed werewolf." James snapped as he deposited his robes, cloak, and scarf into the trunk at the foot of his bed. "Snape is a very lucky bastard who's in the Hospital Wing for some scratches, but no bites. Snape's going to keep his mouth shut about what he saw, Remus and my other form that is, and I'm not going to kill him." James began loosening his tie, "And, me, well- I'm the lucky guy who's supposed best friend turned in another one of his supposed friends to the enemy, endangering lives. And I'm the one who went cleaned up supposed friend's mess." He threw down the tie into the trunk as well, "So, I suggest you thank me, Sirius. Come on, say _thank you, James, for saving my ass_."

Sirius gulped. He had never seen James so angry…

"James…I'm so sorry…"

"Well sorry isn't enough, is it? Sorry didn't fix your mess, sorry didn't take everything back. Sorry, won't make you any less of a bastard."

Sirius gaped, Peter whimpered.

"James…I…"

"Only my friends call me James." He growled before he collapsed on his bed, and closed his bed curtains with a flick of his wand.

And Sirius was left there, feeling absolutely horrible. Which, an inner voice said, he probably deserved.

-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-

Dear Raven,

Well I don't pay attention every minute, obviously. I mean, who could? And I won't say I've never written a note in class, or that I've never talked to my friends during class…but, for the most part, I do pay attention…

Thanks for the craziness bit…it really made me laugh…and seeing as the past few days have really sucked (there's a lot of drama going on right now…and it doesn't really involve me…but seeing as I'm one of the few who knows the full story, it's been really upsetting me).

You have an interesting approach to homework. I'm not sure I entirely agree, my schoolwork is really important to me. However, it sure sounds healthier than my attitude…And, you sure sound happier than me…So, maybe, you have a valid point in how you regard your schoolwork…

I don't really listen to the Muggle/Muggle-born bashing. I try to tune it out…But, obviously, some of it finds its way of sneaking in. And it can really hurt. It's not like I don't get my own share of compliments and stuff…but it's really nice to hear all your compliments of Muggleborns…even if they weren't entirely directed toward me, it was almost nicer than hearing 'God, Emerald, you're so smart.' Or 'Of course Emerald got an Outstanding, she always does…' or 'Emerald could get a good grade in her sleep.' Or something like that…the last two aren't entirely positive…and, obviously, my friends don't call me Emerald…but they really have said those lines.

YQ: Have you ever been in love?

MA: Once…or so I thought at the time…I'm not sure anymore…His name was Ryan. Which, actually, is his real name…He's a Muggle, so I highly doubt you know him…And I've only told my best friend about him, so it's not like you could have heard rumors. Anyway, we went out over the summer. Obviously, he didn't know the truth about me. I couldn't tell him I was a witch, or that I went to Hogwarts. I told him I went to a Catholic boarding school…and don't worry, the irony was (and still is) fully in my mind.

We still had fun, and we were still happy- despite that I was keeping such a large secret. However, I found out he was cheating on me a week before I was to leave for Hogwarts. I couldn't believe it…I had thought I could trust him, but I was clearly wrong. I broke up with him on the spot (and I'm happy to admit that the other girl, upon discovering my by then previous status of his girlfriend, dumped him too). But the break up didn't occur until after he'd already broken my heart…

MQ: What's one thing you could never tell your best friend?

MA: There's a guy, I might have mentioned him before, I can't remember. Anyway, we'll call him Parker…The point is, we've never gotten along. He's liked me for as long as I can remember, and I've despised him. Although Meg has always believed that I'll one day fall for him…and now, I'm starting to believe she was right…I really think I'm falling for him…which is one of the scariest things ever…

Love always to the guy I know I can trust,

Emerald

* * *

**First off,** the Snape incident is not actually canon. But I had written the incident before I reread the third book and realized that. And by that point I was attached to how I had it...**Second off, **the _horse faced_ description is totally my Sociology teacher's fault. I was writing that bit during class (well, it was in the classroom, but after exams) and she described someone as such and it was the closest thing to what I had been just searching my mind for.

Again, I'm sorry this update took so long...I've just been busy, and I've lacked the motivation...I still lack the motivation actually...

_Please review, I could use the encouragement, but don't flame...especially if you're flaming because of how long it took me to update..._

**_I love you guys._**


	18. Forgiving and Kind of Accepting

Author's Note: See the end of the chapter. All I have to say here is: enjoy!

* * *

September 2013: Edited/tweaked. See AN in Chapter One for details.

* * *

Dear Emerald,

I'm sorry this letter is so late, but I've had a lot on my plate. Everything has been so crazy! And every time I sat down to write a response, I got distracted. But, hey, better late than never, right?

Why were your past few days before you wrote your last letter so bad? What happened? Are things any better now? I hope so…

Don't get me wrong, Emerald, I do care about my homework- honest. I just recognize that I have to live too. Surely you understand and live that too- you seem like a sort of freespirit type of girl. Or maybe that's just the inner you, and you're really a bookworm, hm? Oh the possibilities! I do wonder who you really are…

Ignore the Muggle-haters. You're better than them, Emerald, I know you are. You are going to do amazing things; I can feel it. And when you do those spectacular things, all of those who ever looked down on you because of your background are going to realize what idiots they are- and they'll regret it. Honest.

Oh, Emerald, I'm really sorry about this Ryan guy. He sounds like a complete ass, and like someone is so not worth your time. I'm sure he's kicking himself now, and if he's not…well, all the more proof that he really is an idiot and that you're so much better than him. Don't worry about him anymore…move on. And maybe give this Parker guy a chance, he can't be too bad- can he? At the very least, he has to be better than Ryan, right? Even if you don't give Parker a chance, move on with someone. You deserve it, Emerald, you really do.

YQ: What's one thing you could never tell your best friend?

MA: I'll never really forgive you- that's pretty much the only thing I could never tell him. I can pretend to forgive, and to a certain extent I have forgiven him…but loyalty is the most important thing in the world to me- although I suppose it is second to love- and what he did…I'm willing to move past it, and act like it's forgiven and forgotten- but I don't think I can ever really forgive him. The thing is, it would kill him if I told him. As for the incident, well...I can't really talk about it for a number of reasons, but he did something stupid that put some people in danger and I'm just not sure I can forgive him for that.

MQ: Do you ever wish that we didn't have to wait to meet each other?

MA: Yes, all the time.

Lots of Love,

Raven

-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-

"Holy…bloody…hell!" James cried out in a stuttered exclamation that seemed to be multiple surprised cries combined.

James had been lying on his stomach across his bed, reading the letter his owl had just brought for him. "From Lily!" he had happily exclaimed when he received it, before he collapsed on it and began to read. None of his friends were there to correct him. Well, actually, Sirius was there. But at the moment- James didn't consider Sirius his friend; well, at least not out loud.  
In truth, he had forgive Sirius's idiotic mistake; however, he was on Remus's side and thus wouldn't voice his forgiveness until Remus did. At the moment, Sirius was laying on his own bed, staring at the ceiling deep in thought, an activity he had spent a lot of time doing in the past two weeks since _The Incident_. However, at James' exclamation, he was yanked out of his musings.

Sirius rolled over in reaction, and saw that James was no longer on his bed, but had rather jumped to his feet and was standing in shock by the side of it. His hand clutched a piece of parchment, and his bespectacled eyes were wide as he stared at the parchment in disbelief. His jaw was open, his hair as messy as always, his tie loosened, and his shirt untucked. If Sirius wasn't worried he would have laughed at the shocked, disheveled sight of him. as he was concerned, however, by James' outburst, he sad nothing but:

"Mate, are you okay?"

James stuttered incoherently, and Sirius strained to understand. He thought he heard words and phrases like "She…" and "But she…" and "Couldn't say…" and even "bloody likes…" Needless to say, Sirius was quite befuddled.

"James?"

James looked up. At first, he was still so in shock that he was happy to see his best mate. Because admittedly, even now when he was more angry than he could ever remember being, he still regarded Sirius as his best mate. He just wasn't going to admit to it, like he wasn't going to admit he had forgiven Sirius.

Then he was brought to the present, and fell silent as a look crossed over his face.

"James…mate, what's wrong?" Sirius asked tentatively. James sighed.

"Nothing, I just…I just remembered I'm supposed to be mad at you." Sirius's heart fell, so much for his hopes of being forgiven. James paused, and took a deep breath. "But, I've been thinking about it, and trying to find the right time to say it- I just hadn't found it yet, but I suppose now is as a good a time as any…I- I did over-react that night. I shouldn't have said we weren't friends anymore." James paused.

"That doesn't mean I'm not still mad at you though. I am, and I don't think I can really forgive you until Remus does… But- we'll still be, we still are, friends." Sirius grinned.

"Thank you, James." He paused, "I'm so sorry, and-"

James put up his hand, effectively cutting Sirius off.

"I'm not ready to hear it." Sirius nodded,

"Okay." He said, pausing. "So, what happened, why are you so-" and with that Sirius swung his arms around in an odd manner, indicating something that is hard to put in words but could possibly mean "crazed."

James laughed, until he remembered the question and what had prompted it- then his face returned to being unreadable.

"I…I got a letter…" James started.

"So?" Sirius asked, "You're not entirely unpopular, getting letters shouldn't be such a major thing." James glared.

"I got a letter from Emerald- from Lily."

"I'd stick with just Emerald, since you still have no solid proof she is Lily." Sirius said, with a roll of the eyes.

"I may not have anything indisputable, but altogether it makes a damn good case and you know it!" James exclaimed. Sirius rolled his eyes, laughed again, and gave a callous 'whatever.' James glared.

"Fine, mate, _I'm sorry_." Sirius said.

"You don't have to sound so sarcastic about it." James huffed.

"You want me to be _serious?_ You want me to drop my sarcasm?" Sirius replied, taunting. James glared again. "Real attractive."

"Whatever." James said, "Do you want to know what she said or not?"

"Sure, why not?" James rolled his eyes.

"She said, and I'm quoting-" _No shit_, Sirius thought.

"What's one thing you could never tell your best friend? ... There's a guy, I might have mentioned him before, I can't remember. Anyway, we'll call him Parker…The point is, we've never gotten along. He's liked me for as long as I can remember, and I've despised him. Although Meg has always believed that I'll one day fall for him…and now, I'm starting to believe she was right…I really think I'm falling for him…which is one of the scariest things ever, but yet- it's not scary at all…"

"_Shit._" Sirius said quietly.

"I know!" James exclaimed. Sirius took a deep breath, trying to wrap his mind around it.

"Look, James, don't get your hopes up, okay? You have no proof this is Lily writing, and I'd hate for you to convince yourself that it is- and then be disappointed." James was silent, and Sirius paused- looking at him to make sure he was listening- before continuing. "And even if Lily is Emerald…you have no proof that you're, er, who was it?"

"Parker."

"Right, Parker."

"…but you have to admit, if Lily is Emerald, the chances increase like tenfold that I'm Parker…"

"True; but would you really care if you're Parker if Emerald isn't Lily?"

"Well, no…but that's beside the point!" Sirius gave a large howl of laughter.

"Mate, you're something." He said, with another snort.

"Thanks, really."

Sirius shot him a cheeky grin, "Anytime."

Silence fell for a mere second or two, until it was filled with "Peter, I told you- I'm _not_ talking to _him_" coming from someone climbing the stairs that led to their dormitory.

"But, Remus, all this fighting isn't healthy!"

"Has it ever occurred to you that I don't particularly care about his health right now…and why should I? _He_ certainly didn't seem to care about _mine_ when he pulled that _ridiculous_ stunt."

"But don't you care about _your_ health?"

"Of course!" Remus snapped, "And I think my health is a lot better off given what he recently did that endangered it."

"Maybe your physical health is better off; but your mental health is certainly not."

"Peter-" The footsteps stopped, and the voices seemed to be right outside the dormitory door.

"No!" Peter cried, stamping his foot. "It's my turn to talk! You and Sirius aren't supposed to fight. And if you and Sirius aren't supposed to fight, then James and Sirius certainly aren't supposed to fight. We're the _Marauders_ and everyone knows that we don't fight. We're _best friends_, we're _brothers_. We've always claimed we could forgive each other of _anything_. So why can't you forgive each other now?"

There was silence for a moment, and Sirius found he was holding his breath, hoping…only to have it snatched away with.

"This isn't just _anything_, Wormtail. He could have ruined my life- and Snape's too! It wasn't just flirting with someone else's girl. It wasn't just stealing the last treacle tart. It wasn't just stealing my homework and losing it. It wasn't just ruining our potion in class. He told _Snape_ about my secret! I could have died, Snape could have died. But he didn't care about that. And that is _not_ something I could ever forgive."

And suddenly Sirius stood up. He was tired of playing the submissive, tired of letting Remus treat him like trash. Yes, he'd screwed up, he knew that. Yet, he was still Remus's best friend, or at least he considered Remus his best friend. So, Sirius stood up from his bed, stalked over to the door, and swung it open. Remus and Peter's eyes widened at the sight of the seething Sirius.

Sirius grabbed Remus's arm and yanked him into the room, before slamming the door in Peter's face. Peter gave an indignant cry, and James yelled for him to come in anyway. By the time Peter came in, Sirius had dragged Remus across the room and shoved him down into a chair that sat several feet in front of the bathroom door and in the middle of the vertical pathway split the four beds.

"Er, Sirius…listen, I'm not really sure that manhandling Remus is the way to get him to forgive you." James said tentatively, Sirius ignored him.

"Listen here." Sirius barked at Remus, who was looking terrified. "You're going to sit here, and you're going to listen to me without interruption. Is that clear?" Remus nodded with wide eyes, and Sirius's demeanor changed to less aggressive and more repentant.

"_I'm sorry_. Merlin, am I sorry…I didn't know what I was doing…He was just being a bastard again…Sorry, a greasy git, I know you don't like me calling people things like that…Anyway, he was being so inquisitive, and he was following me trying to get information. And I'd just gotten another letter from my mum saying what a disappointment I was, and how she knew I was going to rot in hell- and I was so _angry_. Then I saw Snape and I just _snapped_.

"Merlin, Remus, I didn't know what I was doing…I'd never intentionally do anything like that…I was just so upset, and I was hurting so bad. And I try not to show you that she gets to me, but she does- and…" Sirius broke off, choking as tears that had been brewing behind his eyelids began to trick down his cheeks.

"And I just wanted someone to suffer like I was…I wanted him to _suffer_, really _suffer_. I didn't think about what might happen to you, Remus…Merlin, I…I didn't think…I didn't realize…and I'm so sorry. I'm _so_ sorry…Remus, I…I'd never…" his knees buckled, and he fell to the ground, hunched over and sobbing at Remus's feet.

Remus, James, and Peter stared. They had never seen Sirius, the supposedly unbreakable unflappable Sirius, so distraught. He'd never let them see him let go of a single tear, and to see him like this…so reduced from his normally warrior strength state, to see him so _broken…_Suddenly, Remus was off the chair on his knees, talking in low tones to Sirius.

"Sirius, I know…it's okay…I understand…please…don't be like this…Please…Sirius…it's okay…I forgive you…_I forgive you, Sirius…_" Sirius allowed himself to lift his tearstained face, and sniffled once before asking,

"Really?" Remus nodded somberly, and Sirius gave out another sob before throwing his arms around Remus and sobbing out

"Thank you…thank you…I'm so sorry, Remus…I'm so sorry…never again…never again…I promise…never again…please…I'm so sorry…I just want to be your friend again…I'm so sorry…please, Remus…"

"You are my friend," Remus said softly, so soft that James and Peter barely heard the words, "you'll always be my friend…always and forever…we're Marauders…"

"Thank you, Remus…Thank you…thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou…."

"Oh stuff it, you great lump." James cried, attempting to cease the tension. "He's forgiven you, we all have. Now let go before you suffocate him…"

Sirius sniffled once more, and let go. His face was blotchy, and his eyes bloodshot- but he still managed to look happier than he had ever since _the Incident_. James took pity on him and cast a concealing charm on him so that he looked like his normal self.

"Besides, we have other things to discuss…" James said.

"Please don't say-" his best friends started (even Sirius who seemed to be trying to pretend that he had not been in a ball on floor crying a minute prior)

"Lily." All four said together, James joining in.

James pouted as processed what his friends had preceded his statement with, but his friends laughed. Remus and Sirius stood up and retreated to their separate beds, both lying down on their stomachs so they were looking at James.

"Can you at least _pretend _to care?" James asked,

"We do care, Prongs, honest!" Sirius said,

"It's just…" Remus started,

"We've heard it a hundred thousand times before." Peter finished, James rolled his eyes.

"Not this you haven't…_Lily likes me_!"

"Actually, we've heard that theory about a million and one times." Remus said in a bored tone.

"Yes, but this time I have real proof!"

And so James told Remus and Peter the same story he had told Sirius not long before, and their reaction was about the same.

"You really don't know…"

"You can't be sure…"

James rolled his eyes.

"I'm telling you- Lily is Emerald!" James cried,

"We've heard that about a million times too, by the way." Peter said.

"Not the point," James said, "She is, I just know she is…"

"You have no real irrefutable proof."

"I don't need it!" James cried, "I just have this feeling…I _know_."

There was silence for a moment.

"Well, I have to admit- Parker…it does resemble Potter quite a bit…" Remus said, "But I always thought Lily was so smart…"

"No one's saying she isn't, Moony…" Sirius replied

"Yes, but-"

"Well, I've thought on it, and here's my theory-"

"Here we go." Peter said,

"Oh Merlin," Remus breathed.

"No, listen, it's good!" Sirius exclaimed, "My theory is that Lily isn't being very clever in concealing her identity (assuming this is Lily, because I still say we don't know) because she doesn't realize she needs to be. McGonagall said our partners were people very different from us. We all assumed that it would be someone in a different House, of a different sex, and a different background at least."

"Two out of three of which James and Lily are." Peter noted,

"Yes, but that's not the point. Lily doesn't think her pen pal is so close to home. Some of this stuff she's said, well it's only stuff another Gryffindor, or Celia and Bridget, could know. And the only reason we notice the resemblance of Parker to Potter is because we think it's Lily."

"Dear Merlin," Remus breathed, "He's right!"

"I'm always right." Sirius said, crossing his arms.

"But never conceited about it." James continued.

"You two have spent entirely too much time together." Remus said.

"We know." They replied in unison.

"Please don't do that." Remus replied seriously with a small shake of his head

"Okay." They replied with a cheeky grin.

Remus growled; the two best mates laughed and were joined a minute later by Remus and Peter.

-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-

There was a soft knock at the door, and James looked up from his parchment and quill at the sound. He was alone in the dorm room- Sirius and Peter were in detention, and Remus was in the library. He set down his quill, and moved from his position of lying belly down to sitting up on his bed.

"Come in." He called.

The door opened, and in walked Lily. James grinned at the welcome sight of her, as she hovered a few feet in the room in front of the now once again closed door.

"What are you doing here?" He asked; she frowned.

"What, am I not welcome?"

"No, of course you are! I was just surprised to see you, that's all." Lily gave a small smile, and nodded.

"I just wanted to talk to you." She said. James nodded.

"Might be easier if you came over here." He said gently. She smiled, and nodded.

James picked up his parchment and quill (the parchment was a letter to Emerald, he couldn't let her see _that_) and set them on his nightstand as she walked over. She hesitated for a moment, and then sat down on the foot of his bed. James inwardly cheered that she felt comfortable enough to do so.

"So," he said, dragging out the word, "what's up?" She gave a small laugh,

"Funny," she said, "I came to ask you the same thing."

"Oh, really?"

"Really."

"Is there a reason…or are you just asking?" She smirked, and looked him square in the eye.

"Do I ever 'just ask?'" He laughed,

"Point taken." She rolled her eyes,

"Look, just answer the question- you know what I'm asking about."

"I do?" _Did he?_ He didn't think so…She glared,

"The Marauders have been fighting for two weeks now, and only you four and I know why. Tonight, I'm sitting in the common room, minding my own business- and suddenly Remus, Sirius, and Peter all come down the stairs laughing and joking like they're closer than ever." She paused, before exclaiming with a sort of wild look in her eyes, "What happened?!"

He laughed.

"Oh, that."

"Oh, that." She mimicks, "Yes that!" James laughed.

"Lily, breathe!" She huffed,

"I am breathing!" He laughed again.

"Whatever…anyway, to answer your question-"

"Finally." She mumbled; James ignored her and continued on,

"We worked things out. Sirius essentially got down on one knee and begged for forgiveness, and he acted more humble than I've _ever_ seen him. So, Remus forgave him. Peter and I were still sort of mad, but we'd pretty much forgiven him. We just weren't going to return to normal until Remus did."

"So everything's good?" Lily asked hopefully.

"Everything's good." Lily sighed.

"Thank goodness!" James smiled,

"Nice to know you care." He said quietly, she looked at him surprised.

"Of course I care!" She paused, "And I'll never admit to this again, _ever_, but it's nice having the Marauders around. You make things interesting."

"So you missed us?"

"Like I said, I'll never say it again, but: yes." James smiled,

"Glad to know I wasn't the only one."

"I highly doubt that Sirius, Remus, and Peter didn't miss the Marauders. Sirius especially since he was the scorned one."

"With good reason!" James cried,

"With good reason," Lily agreed.

There was silence for a moment.

"Say, Lily…did you finish your Potions homework yet?"

"Yeah, why?"

"I've been trying to work on the essay for well over an hour now and I just don't understand what this book is saying…do you think you could help me?"

Lily smiled.

"Yeah, I could help." James grinned.

"Thanks."

"What are friends for?" James's grin widened…she has just confirmed what he had been assuming- they were _friends_. So maybe, just maybe, she didn't hate him after all.

-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-

Lily sat in the window of the Astronomy Tower deep in thought. She had spent over an hour the previous night alone with James Potter helping him with his Potions homework. They still hadn't finished the essay, however, so they had gotten together during their free period that day and finished it up. Nothing was really wrong with that, except- _it was so odd_.

A few months ago she would not have been willing to help James with his homework so readily, a few months ago she wouldn't have considered him her friend. A few months ago she wouldn't have come to the startling revelation that she was falling for him. Yet, it wasn't a few months ago- it was, well, now; and Lily did readily help with his homework, did consider him a friend, and would grudgingly admit (although only to herself and Raven) that she was falling for him.

There were several problems with the situation though. For one, she could not imagine herself dating James. It was just too…bizarre. She was supposed to hate him, or at least only grudgingly get along with him. Well, okay, so she was the only one who felt that was how it was supposed to be, but that was beside the point. The point was that she just couldn't date James Potter- she just couldn't. No matter how much she might want to…

That wasn't the real problem though; the real problem was much more complicated. The real problem was: Lily had fallen for two guys- _two_. And it wasn't just that there was two of them- not that that wasn't a huge part of it- it was who it was. Raven, a boy whom she didn't even know the real name of. Real classy it was, to fall for a guy you'd never even seen. Never heard the voice of; never known the real name of. Yet, she felt she knew him better than she'd known anyone before…and that had to count for something, didn't it? And then, there was James- the boy she knew, the boy who was now her friend, the boy who she was finding it more and difficult to ignore her attraction to. The thing was, James wasn't Raven. And even though she'd known James for years, she found herself feeling more comfortable with Raven than she'd ever expected. And so she had this problem of being attracted to two different boys, one who she barely knew and another she knew well but was afraid to let herself confess to her feelings. Two boys, one headache. Well, at least- that's what Lily thought. If she had known that there was really only one boy, that James and Raven were one and the same, she probably would have felt better.

* * *

Author's Note: So, it's been two months since I last updated...Oops...For the record, it wasn't a lack of wanting, it was a lack of ability. I've been ridiculously busy, and it just hasn't been possible. Which is why I won't apologize. School started late August, but building up to that I was working on my AP Summer reading...and once school started...I'm in 3 AP classes, in addition to two other advanced classes, and in Marching Band (in which I'm a section leader, by the way). I've had a death in the family, and oh yeah- my computer crashed last week. Not to mention: problems with boys...which still aren't solved, but they've just gotten a lot better. So, it is what it is. I don't know when I'll update again...soon, hopefully. _All I know is this: I won't quit the story_. Updates may not be quick (although they should, hopefully, be quicker than this) but they will come unless something terribly tragic happens. So please be patient, and be encouraging- because that will only help.

_I had a lot of wonderful reviews last chapter, and I could use some again...**I love you guys!**_


	19. Revealing and Avoiding

_**Oh my god! She updated! I won't say much here, aside from the fact that I skipped more time (and without letters) than I originally intended. There's an explanation at the end of the chapter as to why. For now, just read and enjoy. Then read my note, and review. Hm?**_

* * *

September 2013: Edited/tweaked. See AN in Chapter One for details.

* * *

_Time passed on, letters were exchanged, identities remained secret on most parts, James and Lily grew closer, and as the end of the year approached- so did the day that identities would finally be revealed…_

Dear Raven,

I can't believe we finally meet in _two days._ I'm excited, but kind of scared…We have a great thing going, and I'm afraid meeting each other might mess it up…I've come to rely on you, and talking to you- and I don't know what I'd do if knowing one another's real identities will mess that up. Promise me…promise me it won't…Promise me we'll be friends no matter what….please?

Love,

Emerald

-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-

Dear Emerald,

We'll be fine. I know it; I can feel it in my gut. I think, if anything, our relationship will be all the better for it. For one thing, maybe we can actually talk more- considering we both seem to have problems with prompt owl correspondence. Although given this is our sixth year, that is understandable.

I really do think our friendship will survive; we're too close for it not to at this point, in my opinion.

We haven't arranged a meeting place yet. How about the Astronomy Tower at seven?

Love,

Raven

-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-

Dear Raven,

Seven at the Astronomy Tower tomorrow night sounds fine. I can't wait…We'll finally get to know who the other is!

Love,

Emerald

p.s. You never promised.

-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-

Dear Emerald,

I swear to you- we'll be fine... I'm looking forward to seeing you face to face tonight! Can you believe it's been a year of correspondence? A year of writing back and forth? I sure can't….I can't believe we only have two weeks left before we go home…I can't believe in September we start our Seventh Year…It feels like I just came to Hogwarts for the first time a couple of weeks ago…

See you tonight, love,

Raven

-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-

"So, Prongs, are you excited about meeting the lovely Emerald tonight?" Sirius asked, as he plopped down next to James on the common room couch.

"Kind of." James said,

"Only kind of? You'll finally know if Lily really is Emerald!" Sirius said,

"Exactly…what if isn't? Or… what if it is? What if she gets angry?"

"What for? For being Raven? It's not like you planned the whole thing!"

"I know that, and you know that…but will Lily?"

"Of course Lily would." Remus said as he joined them, perching himself on the armrest next to James. "I know she may not always be the nicest to James, but it's not as if she's completely unfair- or completely close-minded regarding James."

"Right," Sirius scoffed. James rolled his eyes.

"I know that, Moony. It's just…she's always getting mad at me, I'm afraid she will again."

"You guys have been getting along lately." Remus said pointedly.

"Yeah, but this will drastically change our relationship."

"Don't forget, though, James, that we're still not sure Lily is Emerald. I don't want you to get your hopes ruined."

"I'm afraid it's a little late for that mate." Sirius said. James rolled his eyes again.

"I'll try not to be too disappointed if it's not her…but I really think it is. And not just because of all the evidence, but I just have this gut feeling…"

"And your gut feelings are _always_ right." Sirius said.

"_Shut up_, Padfoot."

"Sorry."

"You guys are meeting your pen pals soon, aren't you nervous?" James asked.

"I'm meeting mine tomorrow morning," Remus said, "I don't think the nerves will really kick in until tonight when I'm trying to sleep, or tomorrow when I wake up."

"Sirius?"

"Eh, whatever…"

"You're not the least bit curious about who you've been writing to?" James asked.

"Not really. We've gotten along okay, but she's not that interesting. I highly doubt we're going to become best mates, or fall in love, or anything like that…I'm much more curious about who your pen pal is."

"Peter's out meeting his pen pal right now, isn't he?" Remus asked.

"Mhm." James said.

"Say, Prongs, what time are you meeting your lady love again?" Sirius asked.

"Seven, why?"

"It's five till seven now, mate. You're gonna be late." Sirius said.

"Shit!" James stood up, and gave a wild look around. He looked down, and brushed off some invisible dirt from his person. "Do I look okay?" he asked as he looked between two of his best mates

"No worse than usual." Sirius chirped.

"Not helping, Sirius…you look fine, James."

"Thank you, _Remus_."

"What about me?"

"Goodbye, Padfoot. Goodbye, Moony."

"Good luck, James." Remus called

"Good luck, mate." Sirius called out as well. "You'll need it." He muttered, once James out of earshot. Remus's eyes widened, and he leaned over and punched Sirius's shoulder.

"Oy! What was that for?"

"That was for being an unhelpful mutt." Remus said.

"Hmph."

-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-

James stepped into the Astronomy Tower quietly. Lily sat in the window seat looking out below, James briefly wondered what it was with her and window seats, but quickly shook the thought out of his head. He took a deep breath in, and exhaled. _This is it, our relationship is about to change forever…although for the better or not is still to be determined._ But there was only one way to find out…

"Lily?" He called quietly, tentatively.

Her head swung around so that she was looking at him directly. Confusion spread across her face, her eyebrows drawing close and her lips formed a slight frown.

"J-James?" she replied.

He scratched his head as if he was confused.

"Are…are you Emerald?" Her eyes widened.

"You're…you're Raven." She said, her eyebrows lifting.

"Y-yeah."

"Oh Merlin…" She breathed…

"You're my pen pal…" He said. He was mostly acting (which was leading him to feel quite guilty), but he was shocked to find he was a little surprised that she was indeed his pen pal. He had assumed, he hoped, he had been so sure, but he hadn't been certain.

"Yeah, I…I guess I am" She gave a little laugh. "I probably would have guessed almost every guy in Hogwarts before I guessed it was you."

"I'm not sure how to take that." He said with a frown, she laughed at his face.

"Neither am I, really…I'm not really sure how to take any of this,"

Silence fell for a moment.

"You know, it's funny," she paused, taking in the irony of it all, "I had all these questions I wanted to ask you. A whole long list."

"Literal or metaphorical?"

"Metaphorical…but now, I have no clue what to say."

"Join the club." He quipped. She gave a small laugh, and paused before she decided to speak.

"I…I just keep thinking of all these things we've said, that we've talked about…Your sister…I- I never knew."

"I know. I never wanted you to."

"I…" She laughed; he gave her an odd look, which only caused her to laugh harder. "I just had the urge to apologize. And well, when you think of all the talking we did of that. Not to mention I've really known for ages, and given my "condolences" or whatever- it's odd I'd try to say something in response again…"

James laughed slightly too.

"It's like we're getting to know all these things all over again."

"Exactly."

"Your sister…I never knew you two didn't get along."

"Why should you have?"

"True, but…I just, I feel bad you have to go through that."

"I know…I appreciate it." Silence fell again. "Scotty…I suppose that was Sirius?"

"Of course."

"Real creative you were with that name." She said with a little laugh, he smiled.

"Well, I figured an 'S' name would be easier to remember. Scott popped into my head, and then I had this image of Padfoot as a Scottish terrier rather than a Grim-like Irish wolfhound. It amused me, so I went with it. Speaking of names…why Emerald?"

"My eyes. My mum's always said they're the shade of emeralds. She called me Emerald sometimes when I was younger.'" She paused, "And Raven?"

"My mum once joked that in a romance novel my hair would be described as raven colored. And I couldn't really think of anything else…"

"I'd figured you were a Poe fan."

"And I figured your favorite gem was an emerald. I do rather like Poe, but that wasn't the real reason for picking the name."

"James…"

"Hm?"

"That girl…or "this girl" as I called her…that wasn't me, was it?"

"Y-yeah…"

"So I gave you advice- about me…"

"Apparently."

She paused, and a frown crossed her face.

"Do you remember what I said, about if "this girl" rejected you?"

"Yeah, you said she'd be a 'bloody idiot...' Why?"

"Well, remember that row we had before that Hogsmeade visit? The one where Remus and Bridget had a date and Sirius, Maddy, and Peter left us alone at the Three Broomsticks."

"Yeah..."

"Well, that night we fought, I was sitting in the common room and Sirius came down. I hadn't been able to sleep, there was just so much on my mind. And he came, and said you had 'come to your senses, and given up on me.'"

"And…?" James trailed off, confused.

"Well, he said I was a "bloody idiot" for turning you down."

"So…"

"It just…it seems like an odd coincidence."

"What are you asking?"

"Did you tell Sirius what was in those letters? What I said?"

"Yes." He said, looking away.

"Why?"

He paused, he wasn't sure how to answer the question without incriminating himself.

"I dunno…"

"James, the entire time we've been here- I've felt like you're keeping something from me…and, thinking on it, I've felt like you've been keeping something from me for a while now…what is it?"

James closed his eyes for a moment, and sighed. He stood and turned away from her, he took a deep breath.

"I knew." He wasn't looking at her, but he knew her frown deepened as suspicion rose within her.

"Knew what?"

"That you were Emerald." He heard her intake of breath, he winced. He heard her stand up, and he heard her move so that she turned her back to him.

"You knew who I was?"

"Yes."

"For how long?"

"Since before Christmas."

"And you didn't tell me?"

He turned around so that he was facing her.

"How was I supposed to tell you?"

She sighed and threw her hands up.

"I don't know!"

"And I wasn't positive anyway…I just had a suspicion that continued to grow."

"How…how did you figure it out?"

"Little clues here and there. I guess I'm just more observant than you'd think."

"Apparently," She said with a scoff.

"Lily…don't be mad." She turned to face him.

"Tell me something." She said, with a fierce look on her face.

"What?"

"Did you use it to try to win me over?"

"No. Never."

"Promise?"

"I promise…I'll admit I considered it. But, I didn't. I just got to know you better. To me, that was good enough."

She gave a sigh of frustration.

"I feel so…exposed…" He winced.

"I'm sorry. Lily, I didn't do any of this purpose. You have to realize that. Obviously I had nothing to do with our being paired together, and I didn't try to figure out who you were, not really and truly. I just…I reread the letters a few times, because I just liked corresponding with you so much. I liked you, _Emerald_, so much. And I noticed the similarities. And, then I asked the color question- and that was clincher."

Lily was suddenly reminded that he had said he had "had his reasons," she had thought the comment was so bizarre.

"Merlin, Lily, I swear…I tried not to ask too many real personal questions after that. I didn't want to make things uncomfortable later if you found out I knew."

"Were you going to tell me?"

"I wasn't sure…I knew I ought to, but I was afraid you would kill me. I'm _still_ afraid you're going to kill me."

"Not if you're being honest with me, which I think you are."

"I'd say I am, but would I say anything else if I was lying?"

She gave a small, short laugh. It sounded a bit bitter to James. She sat back down on the window seat so that she was facing him. There was silence for a minute or two, as each simmered in their own thoughts.

"So where does this leave us?" He asked tentatively.

"I don't know…" Lily said, standing up, and turning away again. "I…I _trusted_ you. And now…now…Merlin, I don't know. I just keep thinking of all these things I told you…And to think that you _knew_ who I was…I- I told you things I wouldn't even tell Maddy and-" Lily's eyes widened, "Oh Merlin." She breathed, turning back around.

He winced, she remembered the question. The one that had made him more ecstatic than anything else he could remember.

"I…I told you…" She turned to face the window, looking out at everything beyond it.

"About what?" Maybe if he played dumb, she could forget…

"Don't play dumb James. If you could figure out who I, Emerald, was- then surely you can figure out what I'm talking about now."

"Well, yeah…"

"I don't even know what to say." She said quietly.

"Lily, we can forget this, all of it." He said, "We can pretend it never happened."

"No, we can't. And honestly, I'm not sure I want to." He felt a surge of hope, "Our relationship was far screwier before any of this. It couldn't get worse than it was then." And then it was sunk.

"Lily, _please_." He begged.

"James, I can't-" she paused, and turned away from the window, turning instead to face the door, "I need time. I need time to think and figure this out. I don't know if I can trust you again. I don't know if we can be friends anymore."

"_Lily._"

"I'm sorry." She whispered, taking one quick glance at him. He saw tears in her eyes. And then she was gone, with her cloak sweeping behind her, barely passing through the doorway before the door quietly shut. And he was alone.

All in all, he decided, that definitely could have gone better.

-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-

For the next couple of days, Lily avoided James like he was the plague itself. James tried to pretend as if his heart wasn't breaking into a million more shards each time she turned her head when she caught his glance, or each time she pointedly relocated herself when he sat anywhere near her. At first his best friends tried to be respectful and give him space, but after two days of his sulking, they decided they had to do something.

Remus's solution suggestion was to organize a House party. Peter's suggestion was to prank Snape. Sirius's solution was to sneak out of Hogwarts and go get drunk. Somehow, Sirius won. The night of the second day of James Potter Pityfest-1976, the Marauders kidnapped their leader and dragged him out of Hogwarts to Hogsmeade, at which point Remus and Sirius (who had already turned seventeen and received their Apparition licenses) side-along Apparated them to a Wizarding bar just outside of Edinburgh.

"Why are we here?" James whined, as Sirius grabbed his arm and pulled him into the bar, leaving Remus and Peter to trail behind.

"We are here, because we are sick of your sulking over Evans. It is time for you to get supremely pissed, and wallow for one night- before you have to get over it." Sirius declared.

"I don't want to '_get over it,_' Padfoot. _I love Lily._"

"Maybe, but she doesn't love you." Sirius said as they reached a couple of bar stools. Sirius sat down, and ordered a round of Fire Whiskeys.

"You don't know that." James said stubbornly as he sat down.

"Look, mate. She's rejected you a million and one times. She found out you were the guy she's been confiding in for an entire school year, and she still doesn't love you. If she won't give you a chance now, she never will. And you can't keep pining over her. It isn't healthy." Sirius said, forcing a Fire Whiskey into James's hand.

James took a big gulp, wincing at the barely familiar burning sensation of the liquid trickling down is throat. Peter and Remus grabbed a bottle each, as Sirius took a big gulp of his own.

"James, while I don't entirely agree with this method, I do agree with Sirius on principle. You need to move past Lily. I, unlike Sirius, get that you have genuine feelings for her. That, however, doesn't change the fact that, irregardless of the possibility she may have feelings for you, she doesn't want to give you a chance. And I'm inclined to believe that if she won't give you a chance after you grew so close as Emerald and Raven, she never will. I'm sorry, but I'm afraid that's the grim truth."

James took a few more chugs of his Fire Whiskey, and placed it down heavily on the counter- the sound of the empty bottle hitting the counter echoing off the walls of the mostly quiet bar. The bartender placed two more Fire Whiskeys down, and took away the empty bottles of James and Sirius.

"I can't give up…if I do- what if she changes her mind?"

"Then she'll seek you out for a change." Remus said.

"And you turn her down for a change." Sirius continued, taking another long swig. James, Remus, and Peter stared in disbelief at him.

"I highly doubt that James will turn Lily down should she show interest in him." Peter said, trying to be diplomatic.

"Mate, you're fucking crazy." James said, ever the one to be anything but diplomatic. He took another long gulp, but continued to nurse the half full bottle in his hand.

"Honestly, Prongs. You're better off without that bitch." James slammed down the bottle on the counter, droplets of alcohol spurting out through the neck and sloshing on the counter. James stood up from the bar stool, fists clenched on his side.

"_What did you say?_" Sirius gulped, and set down his second bottle of Fire Whiskey, a bottle that was now empty.

"James, I'm sure Sirius didn't mean-" Remus began.

"He wasn't trying to-" Peter said.

"Remus, Peter- _shut it_. This is between me and Sirius…Sirius, _take it back_." James spoke through gritted teeth. Sirius looked shaken, but his eyes took on a look of defiance.

"No." He said firmly. "She is a bitch, and she's had you wrapped around her thumb for ages. You may not see it, but it's the truth, and you'll have to admit it sooner or later. She keeps hurting you, despite that you've never been anything but good to her. You're too good for her."

_Smack._ James's fist collided with Sirius's eye. Sirius's upper body fell back for a second, before he jumped up from his position on the bar stool and took on a fighting stance. He threw a punch with his left arm, but James easily deflected it. James threw a punch at Sirius with his right arm, but it too was easily deflected. Sirius faked a right punch to the head, and managed to get in left punch to the gut. James doubled over for an instant, and before anymore punches could be thrown, Remus and Peter managed to each grab hold of one of the pair. Remus held James's arms behind his back, and Peter held Sirius's.

"Let me go!" James howled. "Let me get him."

"He punched me!" Sirius cried, "I have to get him back!"

"You each got in a good punch, you're even." Remus said, "You're best friends, and even though you've barely had two drinks, and the alcohol may not have entirely set in yet- you're still not in your right minds. Neither of you wants to be throwing punches at the other."

"He's right." Peter said, "Now knock it off, and let's go back to Hogwarts."

"If we let you go, will you agree to behave?" Remus asked, a patronizing tone evident in his voice.

"Yes." Both apprehended boys muttered, annoyed but able to acknowledge that they didn't really want to pummel their best mate into a bloody pulp.

"Good." Remus and Peter let go of the two, and they all stood still for a moment. James and Sirius glared at each other for a moment, and it was clear they wouldn't be talking amicably that night. Sirius laid down a few Galleons (as it was his idea, he had promised to pay), and the four left the bar. Once outside, they returned to the brush they had Apparated into, and Remus Apparated them safely back to Hogsmeade one by one (not too trusting of Sirius' ability to Apparate at the moment). They made the journey back to Hogwarts and back to their dormitory silently, and not even a polite "Good night" was exchanged before the boys went to bed.

Needless to say, the night was not as successful as hoped.

-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-

Lily was suffering in her own way, on her own terms. She'd refrained from discussing it with her friends, a behavior highly unusual for herself, or any other teenage girl really. The whole thing was complicated enough, she felt, and she was trying to avoid thinking about it at all. True, the plan was failing, and it was failing miserably at that- but she still had hope.

Lily noticed with curiosity the night the boys snuck out after dinner, but said nothing. She did not voice her questions the next morning when she noticed the sullen demeanor of all four Marauders. She ignored the intensified glares from Sirius, just as she ignored the continuance of the lingering sullen looks from James. She avoided speaking to any Marauder, especially James and Remus- the latter of which she knew would beg her to speak to James.

Lily wasn't sure what she should do, or even what she wanted to do. All she really knew was she wished things were different, or that she didn't have to make a decision at all. As it was, she knew she did- but her plan was to procrastinate making any decision as long as possible, and to continue ignoring the issue as long as she could get away with it.

With the assignment of a thirty-six inch long composition about what she had learned during the "Correspondence Project," that plan was made impossible. The assignment wasn't anywhere near the worst she had been assigned, but it would certainly be the most painful to write. How could it be anything but when she was trying to forget about the heartbreak the project had brought her and James?

Lily sighed, and put her head in her hands. She closed her eyes, unable to think. She shook her head slightly, and allowed herself to open her eyes again. She stood up, and prepared to go to bed. She'd think about the composition, and James, tomorrow.

* * *

**_Not my longest chapter, not my best chapter, not my most error-free chapter. I'm aware of all of that. It also wasn't my speediest update, and while I regret that- I can't really make any sinceere apologies. I'm a Junior in High School, I'm taking 3 AP classes, and my other two classes haven't been simple. I have a boyfriend who for some silly reason likes to spend time with me, and best friends who like the same. I was in Marching Band, which ended mid November- and I was supposed to be in Winterguard (again) but didn't make the cut (let's not even discuss how angry that made me). I'm still hoping to get a job, but I haven't found one yet. I'm busy, and in all honesty- I like it that way. I have a life, which is good. Don't get me wrong- I wish I could have updated sooner. I just wasn't able to, especially since I've had computer issues on top of no time (and little motivation). _**

**_My plans for the story have changed. I was going to make this an all letter chapter, however- I hate writing those, with a passion. Because of that hatred, I kept putting off writing this chapter, so finally I just decided to skip the time without letters and give you an update, I figured you wouldn't mind. I debated for ages over when to end the story, and due to my lack of time I've finally decided. I'd say there will be about two/three chapters left. Although I just thought about a cute companion oneshot to this, that I may put up as an epilogue of sorts. I'll do my best to update when I can, I've got some of what's left written, but not a lot. _**

**_I know many of you are probably annoyed it took me so long to update, and I understand. I often feel frustration when authors take a while to update stories I really like. Keep in mind though, that making negative comments don't help me update sooner. And if anything telling me to update sooner, makes me update slower. _**

**_I appreciate the support of all my readers, and it's because of you that I'm still diligently working on this story. There have been moments I've been tempted to discontinue it, but I don't want to do that because of my faithful readers and reviewers. I will do my absolute best to finish this story._**

**_Thank you._**


	20. Reconciling and Finally Confessing

**Here's the next to last chapter, please enjoy- and please read my note following the chapter.**

* * *

September 2013: Edited/tweaked. See AN in Chapter One for details.

* * *

"_Lily."_ Remus called, chasing after his friend down the hall. The redhead froze for a moment before she continued walking; now walking noticeably faster.

"_Lily, __**please.**_" Lily stopped, her shoulders rose and fell- signaling a deep sigh, and she turned around to face Remus.

"Hello, Remus." Lily said rather sullenly, not happy about the berating she was expecting. Remus reached her, and gave her a smile.

"I was hoping I could talk to you…about, well you know."

"About things between James and I."

"Well, er, yes."

"Do we have to talk here, standing in the middle of the corridor?"

"Oh, no…no, of course not!"

Remus looked around, and his sights landed on the door to his right. He walked over, and finding it to be open, turned around and waved Lily in. She stepped in, and he stepped in behind her. It was an abandoned classroom, and Lily walked over to a table, sitting her bag down on it and then taking a seat on top of it. Remus followed suit, and sat down on the table next to the one on which she was perched.

"So…" Lily started,

"Right…I just…Merlin, I don't know…I think this plan was better in theory."

"You want to know why I'm so upset with James."

"Yes."

"But you think it's weird that you're asking me why."

"Yes, exactly!"

"Well, it is weird that you're asking- but I guess I understand."

"I care about James, Lily. And I care about you…and you both seem to be hurting. I just…I want to understand why you're doing this to yourself, and to him."

"It's…complicated."

"Lily, please. I'm not asking you to speak to him, just to me. You can talk to me, can't you?"

Lily was silent for a moment.

"It's just…I was so conflicted. For _months_, I was so confused, so frustrated. I was falling for him as James, and I was falling for Raven. And I couldn't choose. Because James was right there, but I could tell Raven anything- and even though James and I had become friends- there were still those walls. I didn't know what to do…so I just avoided the situation all together.

"But when I found out James was Raven…I couldn't avoid it anymore. And I should have been relieved, you know? The two boys who I had been conflicted over were one and the same, it should have been wonderful. _But it didn't_. It felt like it was all crashing down, and I couldn't process any of it. And then he told me that he'd known, that he knew I was Emerald and I just... I had no idea what to do or say. So I ran, and now…now I'm afraid to confront him about it all.

"I was a bitch for what I said, a coward to run away, and heartless to avoid him ever since. I _know_ I was wrong. I _know _it's all my fault. But I can't…I can't bring myself to speak to him. I just…I need space, and time…Time to think things out, and gather my courage…I won't avoid him forever."

"No, but probably only because you know you can't."

Lily was silent.

"Remus…"

"It's fine, Lily…I understand…Just…don't wait too long to talk to him, okay? He and Sirius are fighting, and that on top of your situation is really taking its toll on him…So, please…Don't make him suffer much longer, hm?"

"He and Sirius are fighting? Why?"

Remus paused.

"I don't think you want to know."

"If I didn't want to know, I wouldn't have asked, now would I?"

"Lily…"

"Remus, just tell me." Remus sighed.

"Fine…they're fighting because Sirius told James to get over you- and refused to accept James's response that he didn't want to. Sirius got a little mean, and James got a little violent. Which Sirius responded to, of course, and er…well, things escalated a bit more, and now…"

"Now they're not speaking…because of _me_." Lily said, astounded. Remus scratched his head as he replied.

"Yeah."

"Merlin, I can't believe they're fighting because of me…"

"It is something, but it makes a little more sense if you were there."

"I can't believe I hadn't even noticed they were fighting."

"Well, you have been avoiding James at all costs…"

"Yes, but still…"

"I don't know what to tell you, Lily. I just…I hope you manage to get out of this without breaking James's heart, or your own." And with those last words, Remus stood and left Lily to sit.

-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-

**What I Learned Through the Correspondence Project**

**By Lily Evans**

_At first, I avoided writing this essay. My experiences with this project were… something else. You see, Professor McGonagall, as I wrote to my partner- I began to fall for him, and I fell hard. It's tough to have feelings for someone you don't know, someone you've never knowingly seen, but it's tougher to have feelings for someone else at the same time. You'd think it'd be a relief to discover those two people you had feelings for were the same person all along, but for some reason it's anything but. _

_I learned through this project, that you may not know as much about people as you think you do. I learned that my pen pal had a younger sister who died when they were younger, and that he's spent years blaming himself for her death. I never knew that my Housemate had a sister, let alone that he held himself responsible for her unfortunate passing. I learned his parents are distant, and he often feels alone. I'd always him imagining having doting parents. I found out I didn't know him as well as I thought I did, and it made me question how well I know many people I've always assumed I knew._

_I learned that people change. Just because someone is an immature bully (or an arrogrant toe-rag, as I may or may not have called a certain someone) at the age of eleven, doesn't mean they're that same immature prat at the age of sixteen. Sometimes you have to let people prove that they've changed, instead of refusing to even give them a chance to prove themselves as something else._

_I learned that character is all you need to fall for a person, and it really is the most important thing. Past actions don't matter much if you don't let them, and appearances don't matter much either (not that I've ever placed them over character in importance anyway). It's not fair to hold them against a person- especially when they seem to have changed..._

_And, it's funny, but I think I've learned something simply from writing this essay…I've learned that I shouldn't let my pride hold me back from giving worthy people a real chance…_

_I'm sorry, Professor McGonagall- but I don't think I can write any more. Instead of telling you what I've learned, I think I need to go put what I've learned into use…I have an apology to give...but you understand, don't you? I rather imagine you were hoping for something like this when you made the pairings..._

Professor McGonagall smiled.

-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-

"James! James! _James!_ " Lily cried, as she chased the messy-haired boy down the hall.

The boy in question finally turned around, which was a good thing as Lily found herself unable to run any longer and stopped, hunching over and clutching her stomach. A puzzled look crossed his face, and he took a step towards her.

"You call me, Evans?"

"Yes!" Lily cried through heavy breaths, squelching a sarcastic reply.

"What do you want?" He asked as he approached her. Lily took one last deep breath before standing back straight up, and look him square in the eye.

"To apologize- for everything." He gaped.

"I- I- I beg your pardon?" She gave a little laugh.

"I want to apologize…I've been absolutely terrible, and I don't know why you didn't give up on me ages ago…I've refused to see what a great person you are- and I've refused to let go of old grudges even though they were between two people quite different from who we are now. I've been a brat, and you really should have stopped trying, stopped _caring_, ages ago…but I'm glad you didn't."

He continued gaping, she laughed.

"The reason…the reason I reacted like I did to finding out you were Raven was…was because I had found myself falling in love with Raven...and with you. I was incredibly conflicted, especially because of all the things I've held against you for so long…and finding out you were Raven should have made it so much simpler…but for some reason- it only made me feel even more conflicted. I've been trying to hide from the situation, trying to postpone what I've subconsciously known was inevitable…but I finally had to recognize that I needed to simply own up to all.

"I'm sorry, James- for everything. Well, almost everything…because you see- there's one thing I'm _not_ sorry for…and that's the fact that I love you."

James's jaw dropped.

"You- you what?" She smiled, and closed the gap between them. She stood on her tiptoes, and nose to nose- eye to eye, whispered…

"I love you." And then…then, she kissed him. When they finally broke apart, he shook his head- as if trying to clear away a haze…

"You…you really love me?"

"I really love you…" she whispered.

"Good- because I love you too…so much…"

He leaned in to kiss her again, but she returned to her normal height- and pushed her arm out against him to keep him from leaning in. He frowned,

"What?"

"I love you, James- and I want to be with you. But first…as weird as this is going to sound…I need you to make up with Sirius…I can't stand knowing I've broken you two apart…and until you work things out…"

James shook his head, laughing.

"You're something- you know that?" She smiled.

"I know…but that's why you love me." He smiled, and took both her hands in his.

"That's why I love you." He repeated. He paused, "One kiss before I make up with Sirius?"

She shook her head.

"You have to have some kind of incentive- don't you?"

"I think having my best mate back, and finally winning you over is enough- don't you?" She just smiled, and gave him a playful shove away.

"Go find Sirius."

"Yes, ma'am." Suddenly a smirk appeared on her face, and before it could even occur to Lily to question the fact, he swooped down and his lips were on hers. And just as soon as it occurred to her to protest, his lips- and a moment later he himself- were gone.

Lily smiled. It had been an awfully good day.

-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-

James practically skipped back to the dormitory. Actually, he had caught himself skipping for a moment- but had quickly reigned himself in. He had a manly image to maintain, after all.

He had considered pinching himself to make sure it wasn't a dream, but due to the slight fear he had that it was a dream- and his desire to keep dreaming if it was a dream- he had refrained. It truly was surreal, though…Lily Evans- _Lily Evans_- the girl he had been chasing for _years_ had just confessed that she was in love with him. And then- then she'd _kissed_ him, and it had been some kiss too…Ten times better than he'd ever dreamed….

He reached the portrait, and gave the password. The Fat Lady gave him an odd look because of his chipper mood- she'd grown accustomed to seeing him rather glum recently- but said nothing (astonishingly). James rushed through the common room, never pausing, missing the odd looks he received from the room's occupants. Taking the stairs by twos, he managed to reach the door in record time. He twisted the knob, and swung it open forcefully. Sirius jumped on his bed, startled by the sudden intrusion.

"Bloody hell, Potter, do you have to take the room by storm?"

"SIRIUS!" James cried gleefully, as he raced over to Sirius's bed. "You're never going to guess what happened!" A confused look covered Sirius's face.

"Does this mean you're speaking to me again?"

James made a discarding motion with his hand.

"'Course. The whole thing was rather stupid on both our parts, don't you agree?"

Sirius nodded.

"Yeah, it was."

"And we'll always be best mates, nothing's going to change that."

"'Course not, Marauders stick together through thick and thin."

"Exactly! And this is thick…or thin…I don't really know which is which, actually- but, anyway…you'll never believe what's happened!"

"What?"

"Lily admitted she loved me!"

"WHAT?"

"AND SHE KISSED ME!"

"BLOODY HELL!"

"I KNOW!"

"But if you two got together, what in the sodding hell are you doing here with me?"

James grinned.

"She told me that she couldn't be with me unless you and I made up, said she couldn't stand being the one to break us apart."

"I knew I liked her." Sirius declared, rather ignoring his recent remarks to the contrary. James laughed.

"Merlin…it feels…I feel so…I've got to be dreaming…I've just…I've never been so happy…It's like…Merlin, I don't even know the words."

"You know…I kind of envy you…I don't think I'll ever have the feeling, or a girl as special as Lily."

"Of course you will, Padfoot. You will one day. 'Course she won't be as great as Lily- there's no one as great as her…but you'll find the closest there is."

"Mate, you're whipped." James shoved Sirius playfully,

"Am not." Sirius shoved him back.

"Are too."

They continued to argue with simple two word phrases, shoving each other, and then it turned into a full blown wrestling match. They toppled off the bed, onto the floor- each fighting to throw in a decent blow without getting the wind knocked out of them by the other. As luck would have it, it was when James delivered a decent blow with a cry of "hah!" that Remus walked in.

"_What the bloody hell are you two doing?_" Remus cried, stopping and staring.

"Moony!" The two boys cried delightfully.

James jumped up first, and offered a hand to Sirius who took it and jumped up with a graceful air. Remus eyed them curiously, trying to understand why the two were sporting grins when they hadn't been speaking as of late and had just been wrestling on the floor…

"We made up." Sirius explained. _Ah, well that made sense._

"And Lily told me she loves me." _And Lily told James she loved him…wait…_

"What?"

"That's right, Remus, she finally confessed," Sirius said, "I guess I owe you those two galleons after all."

"You two bet on my love life?" James cried out indignantly.

"Mate, to be fair…in order for us to have bet on your love life, you'd have had to have one." Sirius pointed out.

"I do so have a love life."

"Now that Lily agreed to date you." Sirius agreed.

"So you two are together then?" Remus asked, "Official and all that."

"Not yet, she said she wouldn't date me unless I made up with Sirius. Said she couldn't stand knowing she's the reason we were broken up."

Remus smiled. "Good for her."

James just continued to grin.

"Say, where's the map? I want to go find her…tell her we made up…see if she'll agree to date me officially…"

Remus pulled the parchment out of his pocket.

"Here. Take it. But as I was leaving the library, she was entering it. She's probably still there."

"Thanks, mate. Later, Sirius, Remus."

With that, James quickly left- off in search of Lily.

"I can't believe she finally admitted she had feeling for him." Sirius said, "Hell, I can barely believe that she has feelings for him."

"I can believe she has feelings for him, but I am surprised she confessed so soon. I was beginning to believe she'd leave Hogwarts for the summer without saying a word."

"She almost did, we leave tomorrow." Sirius pointed out.

"True…"

"You know, James isn't going to shut up about her all summer." Sirius said with realization.

"He never has before either."

"He does some; now that they're finally together…we'll never hear the end of it."

"I wouldn't worry too much, Sirius. I can't help but think that the hardest part between the two of them was getting Lily to own up to her feelings, and getting them together. I'm not saying it'll be simple from here on out, but I think it'll be better…"

"Merlin, I hope so. I'm sick of whiny Prongs."

"Hear, here."

-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\-

As the last of the students boarded the Hogwarts Express the next day, Lily and Maddy found themselves in a compartment with the Marauders. Lily sat snuggled into James's side, his arm hanging loosely around her – a grin plastered on his face. Peter sat on James's other side, and facing him sat Sirius- who looked as though he was plotting some type of trouble. Remus sat next to Sirius, wary as he knew Padfoot would cause some sort of mayhem before they reached King's Cross, and on his other side sat Maddy.

Remus was rather glad that Bridget and Celia were not also in the compartment, as things had been a bit awkward ever since he and Bridget failed to really connect on their date. They were still friends, but things hadn't returned to normal yet after their failure to hit it off. Remus thought this might be a rather good thing anyways as he really couldn't see himself maintaining a relationship while keeping his lycanthropy a secret, but he also didn't think any girl would want to date him if they knew he was a werewolf.

Sirius found himself happier for Lily and James than he had expected to be. He truly was rather jealous of the pair, but managed to keep those feelings to a limit. He wanted his best friend to be happy, and Lily clearly made him happy. He knew deep down that he would always be James's best mate, as well as his brother, and he had to admit Lily was a wonderful girl. While Sirius could only hope to find a girl so special some day, he would be happy standing on the sidelines watching as his friends were so happy.  
Peter felt slightly left out, despite the fact that he wasn't the only single one in the room. He felt as though the addition of Lily (and Maddy as a consequence) to their circle was slowly edging him out- and he felt fearful for his position. The Marauders had given him so much, and he wasn't ready to lose it. Unfortunately for Peter, and the rest, those feelings would only increase- and it would be what leads to his eventual betrayal.

Lily and James were both very happy to finally be together. Their relationship would always have a bit of tumultuousness about it- but they would always have a strong love for one another. As Remus predicted- they would last quite a while, and they would be quite happy. Their lives would be short, as would be their time together, but their love was full and strong- and they would be happy until the end.

* * *

**I _really_ don't like this chapter- but it was the best I've found myself able to do. One day, I'll probably come back and mess with it- but for now this is what there is. I didn't really edit like I should have because I really don't like it, but want to finish it and give you _something._ And to give you an idea of just how much I don't like this chapter, on my computer the document is labeled "Yuck." No- I'm not kidding.**

**The "epilogue" should be up soon. I wrote it out before I wrote this chapter, and I like it a bit better. I'll tweak it some, and then post it for your enjoyment.**

**I'm sorry for not giving you something I felt more confident it, but if I didn't finish it soon I wouldn't have time until the summer. I'm getting increasingly busier as the end of the school year draws closer.**

**Please review, and please stick around for the final chapter.**

**_You all are absolutely wonderful for reading, but you're even more wonderful when you review!_**


	21. Harry Happens Upon Boxes of Letters

**I, SweetSouthernGal, solemnly swear that throughout the time while I was writing this story did not gain posession of Harry Potter or any of the related paraphenalia. I don't know who exactly owns it even, and I don't care so long as they don't sue me for writing this story for my own pure pleasure and enjoyment.**

* * *

September 2013: Edited/tweaked from original epilogue posting in March of 2008. See AN in Chapter One for details.

* * *

Harry Potter stood in the opening of his Gringotts vault with a calculating look on his face. He had never really been through the vault before, he had always just grabbed a few Galleons, Sickles, Knuts and left. That wasn't to say it had escaped him that there was far more in the Potter vault than money, because it certainly hadn't. He had just always had better things to do, places to be and whatnot.

It was now in the aftermath of the war, however, and Harry Potter was currently avoiding all the praise and gratitude he had been receiving for days on end now. He was glad that Voldemort was finally, _truly_ gone- but he was still not happy persay. He had lost a lot because of the war, more than most- though he wasn't foolish enough to say more than all. He had lost his parents, his godfather, a trusted mentor and professor, a beloved pet, a man who was a second godfather to him, and countless friends.

The Burrow, where Harry had been staying ever since the Battle of Hogwarts, was currently rather a somber place as the loss of Fred Weasley was mourned. It pained Harry to see the once lively place so sullen, but it pained him more to know that the place need not have been so sullen had it not been for him. Harry shook his head, trying to keep the nagging thoughts at the back of his mind. He had come here to sort through the other things his parents had left him in order to get his mind off those thoughts of guilt and despair. He knew his loved ones wouldn't want him to blame himself, but that didn't make it any easier to shrug off the feelings of guilt mixed in with his grief.

Harry coughed, and allowed himself to step into the large room. He carefully avoided the stacks upon stacks of various coins, and headed towards the back left corner that he had noticed had a couple of stacks of boxes. He managed to make it to the corner without causing any real mess, and grabbed a couple of boxes from the top of one stack before sitting down on the vault floor and opening them.

In the first box he found a plethora of legal documents, he had not realized that the Potter estate included so many properties- including a fair few that extended beyond the United Kingdom. He'd have to look into the condition of the properties sometime soon. In the second box he found a map of his family tree (well, of the Potter side) and while it wasn't uninteresting, he lacked the desire to examine it at the moment. The box also contained birth and death certificates of many (if not all) the members of the family tree, but those too failed to capture his interest.

As Harry stood back up to grab a couple more boxes, he noticed two near the bottom of the stack- labeled "Correspondence." For some reason, this _did_ peak his interest, and he moved the couple of boxes on top of them so they were situated on his recently discarded boxes. Harry sat back down, and opened the first _Correspondence_ box.

On top was a parchment that began with _Dear Harry…_

_Dear Harry,_

_We have saved these boxes here for you so that you were certain to receive them one day. You never know what may happen outside in the real world, but Gringotts is surely a safe place to keep anything. We have kept these letters for you, darling boy, so that one day you may read them and know how I finally managed to fall for your father. _

_While if you've grown up with us, you surely have heard the story- I can't shake the fear that you may not have grown up with us, and have never heard the story. If that is true, I'm so sorry, my darling boy. I wish I could have watched you grown up to the man that you certainly must be now as you sit here. While I hope that I have indeed watched you become a man, I seem to believe that it is much more likely that you have grown up without me, and without your father._

_The letters enclosed in this box, and in the box similarly labeled to this are from a project your father and I were assigned in our Sixth Year at Hogwarts. We both took an experimental "Cultural Studies" course, and everyone in our course was given a secret pen pal, and we were assigned to write for one year. Your father and I were paired up. While we managed to stop fighting during Sixth Year, and I even began to fall for him- I doubt we would have gotten together had it not been for the correspondence project. The project allowed us both to see a different side of the other, and it was this project that brought us so close, and ultimately together._

_While I didn't fall all over him after the project was over, as I found out he had known my identity for some time- I did allow myself to finally admit I had feelings for him. And from that day on, he was more insufferable than I'd ever known. Don't get me wrong though, Harry, he was wonderful- and we were happy…so happy. Our happiness was only magnified by your birth, and not even learning of that stupid prophecy and the necessity that we go into hiding could diminish it._

_Dear son, I hope you read these letters and that you are able to gather from them how much I loved your father, and how much he loved me. I hope you are able to better learn who we are, and I hope you like who we are (or perhaps were). I hope, dear Harry, that you have found a woman you love as much as your father and I loved each other. I hope that if you have not found her yet, that you will- and that you will be happy together._

_Please read these letters, Harry- and as you read them, remember how much your father and I not only loved each other- but how much we loved you._

_I love you, my dear sweet boy,_

_Mum_

Harry wiped away the tears that had begun to stream down his cheeks at reading the letter to him _(to him!)_ from his mum. He swallowed the lump in his throat, and gave a sniffle. He looked in the box, and saw that it was filled with parchment. He smiled- two boxes full of letters to read from his parents.

Harry shook his head, he'd go through the rest of the boxes, and the rest of the vault, later. All he wanted at the moment was to go back to the Burrow, to go _home_, and read the letters his parents had carefully penned. So, Harry picked up the two boxes, picking up the legal document box as an afterthought, and gingerly made his way out of the vault. He was silent as he rode a cart back up to the Gringotts lobby, the Goblins had grudgingly forgiven him the break-in given his defeat of Voldemort and his followers (the fact that the Lestrange vault was now ownerless and had subsequently been turned over to be split between the Ministry and Gringotts had helped. He maintained his silence as he made his way outside the bank and quickly Apparated back to the Burrow before he could be harassed by well-wishers once more.

Harry arrived just inside the front door, and made his way up the stairs to the room that was no longer called simply Ron's, but rather "Ron and Harry's room." He passed Ginny's room as he made his way to his own, but didn't notice her standing in the open doorway. She trailed after him as he went, curious about his haul, and stopped in the doorway as he walked in and set the boxes on his bed.

"What are those?" She asked, pointing to the boxes Harry snapped around, wand in hand, and let out a sigh when he saw it was merely Ginny.

"Merlin, Gin, you scared me." Harry breathed as he dropped his wand and relaxed his stance one more, Ginny gave a meek smile,

"Sorry." Harry shook his head,

"It's fine."

"So…" Ginny said, "What's in the boxes?"

"Oh!" Harry said, "Well, I don't know if you know, I mentioned something to your mum when I left this morning, but I went to Gringotts to go through my vault."

"What for?" Gnny asked, a confused look on her face as she finally entered the room, and sat down on the bed. Harry sat down next to her, situated so that he was in between her and the boxes.

"Well, I long ago noticed there's loads more in the vault my parents left me than money, but I'd never gone through any of it…I've kind of been needing something to do, something to get my mind off everything, so I thought I'd go through the vault."

"How angry were the Goblins with you?" Ginny asked, "After everything before…"

"Well, they weren't particularly happy with me- but they weren't too mad because I did get rid of Voldemort, and they really didn't like him either. Plus, it was decided that the contents of the Lestrange vault as well as a few others were to be split between the Ministry and Gringotts, and since my actions helped with that..."

"That's good."

"Yeah."

"So, I repeat, what's in the boxes?" Harry laughed,

"Well, one of them is full of legal papers, deeds to houses and stuff that I have apparently inherited. I'm going to have to look into them."

"House_s_?" Ginny asked,

"Apparently."

"Merlin, you really are rich aren't you?"

"Well, my parents were; well, really- my dad was."

"But you inherited the money." Ginny pointed out, "It's yours now."

"Yeah, and I inherited all of the Black estate too. It still doesn't feel like mine though, my parent's stuff feels like mine…but I don't much care about it. I'm grateful for it, but…"

"I think I get what you're saying."

"Good, because I'm not sure how to say it." Ginny laughed,

"So what's in the other two boxes?"

"Oh!" Harry cried, "Apparently my parents got together because of this Correspondence project in their Sixth Year. They were assigned secret pen pals, and they had to write for a year. My parents were partners. My mum wrote me a letter explaining it all, she said they didn't get together right afterwards- but ultimately the project was the cause of it."

"That's neat, but why didn't you ever mention it before?"

"I never knew. I just found out when I found the letter my mum wrote explaining it all, along with all their letters."

"Wow. That's…amazing." Ginny paused, "But I can't believe Sirius didn't tell you."

"Me either." Harry said, "But I never asked, and I think he liked telling me stories where my dad was humiliated trying to impress my mum much better." They both laughed.

"That does sound like Sirius."

"Say, Gin?" Harry asked, looking at her carefully.

"Yes, Harry?"

"Well…I was going to read these letters, but I'm not sure I want to read them alone- and there's no one else I'd rather read them with…would read them with me?"

Ginny smiled.

"Of course, Harry."

And so Ginny and Harry read the letters together, and in the end that one Correspondence project not only brought Emerald and Raven together, but it brought their son that much closer to reuniting with his own redhead. After all, you can't have a story without a happy ending.

* * *

**And, that's the end. I like this epilogue a lot better than the preceding chapter- and I hope you all enjoyed it as well.**

**Thank you to everyone who stayed with me as I wrote this story. I know my updates were inconsistent at best, and I wasn't always wonderful about producing my best work. I have always tried, however, and I've always appreciated your support.**

**I have another Lily and James story in the works, and little bits of it are already written. I plan on publishing it one day- but I want to wait until I have most of it done so I can give regular updates. Please add me to your author alert if you'd like to read it. It's currently one of my favorite story ideas that I've had. The working titile is "And Lily Makes Five" but I can't guarantee that it will be published under that name.**

**Thank you again, I hope you'll give me one last review- or perhaps a first review.**

_Mischief Managed._


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